Starsky & Hutch

Don't stress. Just relax.

I understand you can lose keys.

You can lose your wallet.

How do you lose a plane?

Reese, what do you want me to do?

We got three out of four planes in.

That's a lot of coke.

Now, that's the kind of winning attitude

that'll take this enterprise to the top.

In all fairness, Reese, it wasn't his fault.

Are you his attorney?

Why are you in the conversation?

Come on, I'm kidding!

- I'm just kidding with you.

- He loves to joke.

Terrence here is absolutely right.

I mean, hell, three out of four ain't bad.

Let's celebrate. Who wants a beer?

- Great!

- Okay.

- Baby!

- Coke. It costs money.

Planes. They cost money.

This yacht, this perm, my kid's braces, it all

costs money. Do you think Kitty's free?

Kitty, turn around. Turn around!

Reese, please put the gun down.

Now, the next time that a plane

goes down, you better be on it.

Will you do my back, please?

- Sure.

- I don't wanna tan weird.

- Am I tanning weird?

- No.

- Honestly.

- You're bronzing.

There's no such thing

as a petty crime.

No minor infractions.

There's only the law.

Freeze! Bay City P.D.!

That's me in the leather jacket

and tight jeans.

See that guy I'm chasing?

I hate him.

And I'll do everything

in my power to stop him.

Wanna play, let's play.

Because it's my job to stop him.

Goddamn!

And the city pays me a damn

good salary to do my job.

Besides, he crossed the line.

And in Bay City,

when you cross the line...

...your nuts are mine.

I said, freeze!

My name is David Starsky,

and I'm a cop.

I've always had this theory

about police work:

If you can't beat them, join them.

No! No! No!

Put the money in there.

Too many cops worry about

the wrong thing:
Crime.

Not me, though.

I'm looking out for numero uno.

- Hey, old-timer. Put this on Dallas.

- Come on! Let's go!

I'm just a realist, that's all.

And besides, you have any idea

how little the city pays us?

Freeze! Bay City P.D.!

Take it easy.

Guys, come on.

I'm undercover here.

My name is Ken Hutchinson,

and I'm a cop.

Where did they come from?

Jesus Christ, Starsky.

You fired three rounds

into a crowded intersection.

We got a man with a broken hip...

...and some a**hole wants

a new top for his Caddy?

That purse had $ 7 in it.

- Okay, want my badge? Here, take it.

- Fine.

Come on. I was just making a point.

David, David.

Your mother was one of the finest cops

Bay City ever seen.

Twenty-two years on the force

with the same partner.

You have had 12 partners

over the past four years.

She died a legend.

I am not my mother!

I'm sorry.

Detective Hutchinson is here.

Send him in. Have a seat.

- How you doing, captain?

- I believe you two know each other.

Yeah, a little bit. How you doing?

- Yeah, right.

- Hutch.

You've got a lot of explaining to do.

I know. Look, I was trying to infiltrate

one of the East Side gangs...

...and work my way up

to the big fish. It's simple.

- You were robbing a bookie.

- That's right.

You've robbed seven bookies.

You haven't filed a report, turned

in any money or arrested anybody.

How can I? They'll know I'm a cop.

I wouldn't worry, you won't

be mistaken for a real cop.

Oh, really? Why don't you go get yourself

another perm and let the grownups talk.

- My hair is naturally curly.

- No, it's not.

- Yes, it is.

- That's a perm job, all the way.

Touch it!

Hey! Why are you touching him?

Jesus!

You know something?

You two deserve each other.

Make nice. You're partners.

- You're crazy.

- No, I'm not.

I don't know why you're so upset.

The guy cost us 200 grand.

A "thank you" might be more appropriate.

Who cares about 200 grand?

What if they link us to the murder?

- They won't link us to the murder.

- You don't know that.

Will you let it go, please? Jesus.

- Take a lude. Calm down.

- I did, and I'm still pissed.

Okay, fine. Fine, fine.

Look, I'm sorry, all right?

I promise, I'm not gonna kill Terrence

again. Now, pull it together.

Let's go.

Gentlemen, I apologize

about the delay.

But I promise you what we have

is worth the wait.

- It looks like cocaine.

- That's because it is cocaine.

With a twist. You see,

we've managed to find a way...

...to alter the cell structure

of the coca plant...

...giving it a heightened

perfluoralkylation process...

...creating a new kind

of diazomethane.

Gets a little complicated after that.

Excuse me.

So do you get extra high or what?

Actually, it has all the same

effects as regular cocaine.

Well, if it's the same,

why are we here?

Canis familiaris. The German shepherd.

Its nose has over

It can detect smells that even the most

advanced technology in the world cannot.

For example:

Lvan, search!

Lvan, stop!

What do you got? You holding?

He brought old coke.

This is new coke.

As far as a dog's concerned, there's nothing

there. 100 percent undetectable cocaine.

Got no coke smell...

...same coke ride.

Tastes kind of sweet.

If this sh*t wasn't illegal, guys,

we'd be up for the Nobel Prize.

Our initial run pumped out

two tons of this stuff...

...and it'll be available

in about three weeks.

You boys know who to call.

Ivan!

You don't understand.

They're not like you.

They're criminals.

Look, I know we all

got to make living.

But these guys, they are dealing

hard drugs right in front of my shop.

I can dig what you're saying,

Mr. Chowdury.

- I wanna thank you for coming in today.

- Of course.

Those gentlemen you speak of,

they'll no longer be a problem.

You have my word.

This is my neighborhood.

People tend to forget that.

Bee Bee, make sure

he gets home safely.

- Yeah, boss.

- Thank you very much, Huggy.

You are a great man.

- Begone, little Indian.

- Let's go, little man. Come on.

Taking up time.

- This neighborhood is in need of some help.

- It's cold-blooded, daddy.

- Who's next?

- You got Hutch waiting outside.

- What you got my man waiting outside for?

- He brought some extra fuzz with him.

So what? You go get him

and get him in here now.

You've never run an errand

on the clock before?

I take care of my personal business after

work, when the taxpayers aren't paying me.

Give me a break. You've never

stopped to buy a cup of coffee?

I bring a Thermos.

Okay, Hutch. He'll see you now.

Wait here, I'll be back in five minutes.

Second door on the right.

- How you doing?

- Hi, Hutch.

- Hey, look what the wind blew in.

- Huggy Bear.

Hey, I want you to meet

my new partner, David Starsky.

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, nobody touches the Bear.

Have a seat.

- Hutch, the usual?

- You know it. Make it a double.

Get my boy a Jack and Tab.

- And double that.

- You got it, boss.

- I'll get a seltzer with lime, if you got it.

- I don't got it.

Or not. It's cool. I'm good.

I just came by to apologize

for what happened in Chinatown.

Let me tell you,

I was as surprised as you were.

Don't sweat it, baby.

I wasn't surprised.

You know I ain't never surprised.

Hey, champ.

You got a permit for that weapon

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