Starsky & Hutch Page #2

you're carrying?

Starsky, please.

No, I don't.

Yeah, me neither.

I'm sorry, did I say something

that was funny?

- Stop it. He's kidding.

- No, I'm not kidding.

I wanna see permits

or I'm taking those weapons.

Slow up, man.

Around here, we govern ourselves.

Think of us like Luxembourg.

- You dig?

- No, I don't dig.

See, Luxembourg's

a constitutional monarchy...

...a sovereign state established

after the Treaty of Vienna.

Technically, it's a part of Europe.

But in reality, they govern themselves.

- Like us.

- Just like us.

All right, enough, okay?

- Sh*t!

- Hold up! Hold up!

Just chill out! Chill!

Watch yourself.

- Oh, no. Hell, no.

- You okay?

What happened?

Did he shoot Corky?

Your boy shot his tail off.

- He lost his tail?

- You should keep it in a terrarium.

- Man, what the hell is a terrarium?

- What's a terrarium?

It's an artificial ecosystem designed

to simulate Corky's natural habitat.

Well, I can dig that.

But I say we shoot him in the ass.

Oh, hell, yeah.

An eye for an eye.

Take it easy.

Huggy, help me out here.

Slow up, fellas. An iguana can lose

his tail and grow it back.

He regenerates.

That's how he escapes his predator.

It's true. It's a defense mechanism.

I read it in a magazine.

So him shooting Corky's tail off

and us shooting him in the ass...

...it really ain't the same thing.

- No, the punishment don't fit the crime.

And besides,

it was an accident, right?

Right.

- So we're cool.

- We're always cool, breeze.

Lower your pieces.

Good morning, Bay City, you are tuned

in to KBA Y, 93.3 on your dial.

This next tune is number eight on

the charts and number one in our hearts.

Hey, Hutch!

Oh, there he is.

What's going on, Willis?

Same old, same old.

So how's life at the clink

treating you?

It's not that great.

I got some new tight-ass partner

that they stuck me with and then...

I don't know. Hopefully...

It's probably not gonna last that long.

- So got that $20 you owe me?

- 20?

Willis, I thought it was 5.

Hutch, that was my grandmother's

birthday money.

Come on, give me a break, okay?

I just told you I got a new partner.

Stuff isn't great for me down at the

precinct. You know, back off for a second.

- Can I get it to you on Thursday?

- Fine, but no later than Thursday.

No later than Thursday.

Word of honor.

Cute little kid.

It's 10:
00. You're late.

I've been here since 8.

Well, don't sweat it, because crime called

in sick. It's gonna get a late start too.

"Crime called in sick," I like that.

- So, what's on the agenda today?

- Same as every day.

- Finding bad guys, bringing them down.

- Great. Take my car, right there.

- That?

- Yeah.

- What the hell is that?

- It's like a camper/pickup truck.

- What's the matter?

- We're undercover.

- That thing sticks out like a sore thumb.

- You think so?

You're in for a treat.

It's not that bad.

Man, your stock just went up

in my book, my friend.

Pop the hood. Let's see

what you got under...

Hotshot, what do you think you're doing?

This is a Ford Gran Torino, okay?

It's not some crappy camper/apartment.

There are rules.

- Okay, okay.

- You do not bang on the hood.

You never, under any circumstances, drive.

You will not put your coffee mug

on the roof. Okay?

No coffee in the car whatsoever. Coffee

on the ground, you get in the car, we go.

Attention, all units.

We've got a 61-40 at Bay City Marina.

Oh, no.

This is Zebra 3.

We're on it. Hang on.

You gotta be kidding me. No way.

- What?

- Floater.

Nothing harder to solve than a floater.

No prints, body's usually bloated...

...it's next to impossible.

All right, I say we push it out...

...hope the current

takes it to the next precinct.

- What?

- You'll thank me for this one.

- Hey, seriously, stop it.

- The key is not to pop it.

- Hey.

- You gotta be very ginger.

- What are you doing?

- I said, drop the stick.

You point a gun at me?

Okay, fine, have it your way.

Knock yourself out.

- What are you gonna solve, anyway?

- I'm gonna solve a murder.

Monday, June 3rd. Male Caucasian body,

apparently dumped from the Bay Bridge.

Actually, there's no sign of impact,

so he was probably just dropped out at sea.

Could you please not talk

while I'm recording?

Thank you.

All right, I'm just gonna call

in the meat wagon, all right?

Looks like you punched

your last ticket, amigo.

I'm sorry, did you just tough-talk

a dead body?

I lost my flow.

- Zebra 3 to base.

- Dispatch. Go ahead, Zebra 3.

We're gonna need a coroner notification.

We got a DB down at municipal jetty.

10-4, will inform.

Tell them to bring a body bag

and some galoshes. He's a wet one.

Copy that, Starsky.

Found a wallet.

Nothing in it.

- Medium-rare, okay?

- You got it.

Look at all these cops.

You wanna eat here?

It's a great place.

Pop's? Come on.

"If you're one of the cops,

eat at Pop's. "

- Okay, hot stuff.

- Zebra 3.

2- 11 in progress, please respond.

- Go for Starsky.

- Hurry, Starsky.

We got two perps holding up

a gumball machine on 5th Street.

- Let's go.

- A gumball machine?

- Lethal force if necessary!

Very funny, Manetti.

Hey, it's Captain and Tennille.

That means one of you would

actually have to make captain.

- Radio's for police business only.

- That's true. Why'd they give you one?

- Let's get out of here.

- Not that funny.

That Manetti really thinks he's something.

But you know what?

- He's not.

- Take it easy.

- You think that's funny?

- No, no, I mean, you just gotta rise above it.

- What do we got in the wallet?

- Not much.

Driver's license, couple receipts.

No cash whatsoever.

"Reese Feldman Corporation. "

What do you call that?

Terrence Meyers.

That name does sound vaguely familiar.

- Isn't he part of our Nearly There program?

- I think he is.

Terrence Meyers. Baby, isn't he

the guy dating a Bay City Kitty?

Remember?

We were joking about it.

Really? Bay City Kitty.

You mean the cheerleaders.

You happen to remember her name?

No, I don't.

- Can I get you boys anything else?

- We're good. Thank you so much, honey.

That's my angel. I love her.

A second ago you mentioned

the Nearly There Foundation. What is that?

That's a program that we set up

to help ex-cons get back on their feet.

Their parole requires them to have a job.

The Catch-22...

...is not that many people

are excited to hire a felon.

Those poor ex-cons,

they can't catch a break.

No, it's a vicious cycle

they get caught up in.

- Did you see the article in The New Times?

- Bet your ass I did. I love that writer.

But I'd be lying if I didn't say that we

get some pretty good tax breaks too.

There it is, the kicker.

- Just a perk.

- This sly dog here.

- What do you got?

- Tickets to our annual fundraiser.

- Be my guests.

- No, we can't accept gratuities.

It's against policy.

These don't look like gratuities, they look

like tickets. I'd be happy to accept.

Hey, what about Terrence?

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