Starsky & Hutch Page #3

Is he in some kind of trouble?

He's dead. His body washed up

in the marina this morning.

Oh, no.

"Punched his last ticket," as they say.

You know, you try to do all you can for

these guys, but it's just never enough, is it?

No, I guess it isn't.

- When was the last time you saw him?

- The last place I saw...

This is a nice boat.

- Reese, is this yours?

- Actually, that's a yacht.

- I'm sorry, a yacht.

- Excuse me, Hutch.

Can we please focus

on the investigation?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

I could use another one of these.

Right on! That was great, girls!

Take five!

- Let's go.

- Look alive. Here they come.

We usually don't allow spectators.

Even cute ones.

David Starsky, Bay City P.D.

My partner, Ken Hutchinson.

- Girls.

- They're so cute.

I'm Stacey. That's Holly.

God, I loved your moves out there.

Fantastic.

I've never dated a cop before.

My horoscope said I should

try new things today.

- Is that right?

- You're awful.

So, what brings you around here,

officers?

Well, you know, that depends.

Yeah. Either of you two know

a Terrence Meyers?

- Oh, yeah, Heather dated him.

- Oh, yeah.

The girl over there with the yellow top.

But they split up. We haven't seen him.

- Let's go ask Heather some questions.

- Thank you.

Be careful with those moves.

You could hurt someone.

Oh, that's why we practice.

Actually, I was talking about us.

Where did that come from?

- I would've tried the horoscope line.

- No, too obvious.

Hey!

- Wait up.

- See what I mean?

- Here's my number.

- In case you need us for...

...questioning.

Thank you, ladies.

- Bye.

- Bye.

He was always fascinated

by all that macho mobster bullshit.

I hope this is okay.

I need to make this quick.

- I gotta pick my kid up in 20 minutes.

- Oh, yeah, totally.

We were gonna move in together.

He promised he'd quit...

...that stuff after he got out.

But then he goes and gets himself killed.

He's such an a**hole.

I can only imagine what you must

be going through. I think that...

Honestly, you know, if I knew what

he was up to, I'd be happy to tell you.

But we didn't talk much.

Yeah. So did you...?

When did he...? Did he...?

What did...?

- So Hutch, do you got any more questions?

- Yeah, well, sure. We could...

What's your sign?

Gemini.

What...

- What do you weigh?

- What does that have to do with anything?

It has everything to do with anything.

Just answer the question, please, ma'am.

Around 115, I guess,

give or take a pound or two.

- I wish I could be more helpful.

- Stop.

Don't do that. You've been great. I mean,

it's terrific. We got what we needed.

Anything else?

- I'm good.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Oh, wait. I don't know if this

will be of any help. It's his.

Take it. I don't want it.

Okay. Thank you. Again.

- Things getting any better at work, Hutch?

- Actually, work was pretty good today.

- How about you? Anything new?

- Nope.

You get a chance to ask that girl out?

I want you to meet

my new partner, David Starsky.

Nice to meet you.

Is this the dickweed

you were telling me about?

Look, just shake his hand.

Come on.

Go on, hop in. Willis.

- Dickweed?

- His mom works late on Wednesdays...

...so I kind of look after him.

- You take a kid out on patrol with you?

- Yeah, that's what we do, isn't it, Willis?

- Patrol!

- Whatever you say, Hutch.

Damn!

- Man, this thing is bad!

- Don't encourage him.

Oh, sh*t.

Starsky, this your ride?

Damn. You just moved up

a notch in my book.

That puts you at notch one.

- I like your Lincoln.

- It's a '76. It won't be out till next year.

I know people that know people

that robbed some people.

So, what do you hear

on the street these days?

Dig this. A little bird tells me there's

gonna be a big coke deal in Bay City.

- One for the Guinness Books, so they say.

- Interesting.

- Who would this little bird be?

- Look, I lay it out for y'all to play it out.

All right. What does that mean?

- Don't worry about it.

- Huggy, what can you tell us about this?

This looks like the work of Big Earl.

This boy loves dragons.

He makes these with his hands, you know?

There's his name stitched right up

under the dragon's belly.

- Big Earl?

- Yeah, he sews, but he's one tough mother.

He owns a biker bar about

Biker bar?

What goes on down there?

I don't know. Listen to Jim Croce...

...play darts, whatever the hell else

you white people do.

Look, fuzz, I gots to buzz.

This meeting is adjourned.

- That's it?

- That's it.

- He lays it out for us to play it out.

- Oh, and by the way, this little meeting?

- It never happened.

- What meeting?

C'est la vie, gentlemen.

- Great new technique

where you press hard.

- Hands. What, it's a verbal technique?

- No.

Keep your hands on me, I'm teasing.

- What do you got on those cops?

- Everything.

- Records, home addresses, credit history.

- Nice.

- Starsky and Hutchinson?

- They call him Hutch, actually.

I don't have enough

on my plate already?

I got a major coke deal, my daughter's

bat mitzvah, which is a total nightmare.

- And now these two guys.

- You think they're on to us?

They are investigating a murder. That's

what cops do. It's why we pay taxes.

You're the worst. You kidding?

Will you look at these two guys?

He's cute, the blond.

But I like dark hair.

Maybe we ought to push

this whole thing.

- Till things cool off?

- Kevin, please, with the worry.

We're moving ahead as scheduled.

I'll handle those two clowns.

So tomorrow, I say we check out

this biker bar, do a little deep cover.

Sounds good.

Who does your wig work?

- I'm sorry, my what?

- Your wig work.

Your undercover work, your disguises.

- You have a wig guy?

- Oh, yeah, he's incredible.

Well, if it isn't Sonny and Cher.

- Sonny and Cher.

- Sit on it, Manetti.

- Me sit on it?

- Yeah, you, sit on it.

Why don't you sit on it, Starsky,

how's that sound?

You wish.

Because I'm never sitting on it, ever.

That's not what I heard.

- Starsky!

- Come on. Come on!

- Jesus!

- Stop it!

What the hell is going on?

Cool your jets, Starsky!

Everybody, back off!

Including you, Manetti.

I apologize, captain.

You're absolutely right.

You know, you're not even worth it,

Starsky. And for the record...

...those are hand towels.

The big towels are on the top shelf.

Hand towels. What a rod.

Jesus Christ. He's right.

Go cover up.

Who are you guys?

My name's Kansas.

And this is my little man Toto.

We're Jesters from up in Big Cliff, coming

down and check out your place. This it?

Is this your place?

- Yeah.

- Nice.

Tell me, if you two are Jesters,

what's our credo?

Credo.

Well...

You almost got me there.

There's no credo.

Other than the secret credo.

It ain't no secret.

It's written right on our damn crest.

A trick question? If it's printed on

the crest, you don't give it as a test.

Anybody can read the crest. That wouldn't

prove we're Jesters. Not cool.

- That's a fake mustache.

- Oh, really?

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