Starsky & Hutch Page #4

Well, I wonder if you

think this is fake.

- Now, we got some questions!

- I don't gotta give you nothing, cop!

Wrong! First, you've gotta

give me a little respect.

Second, you're gonna give me some

answers, comprende, muchacho?

- I like your style.

- I like your moves.

Now, where were we?

You were gonna tell us

about Terrence Meyers.

Who's Terrence Meyers?

- Wrong answer, Big Earl.

- Big Earl? I'm not Big Earl.

- I'm Jeff.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

- Jeff?

- No one's who they say they are.

Look.

Honest, think about it.

I'm not even big.

Yeah. No, that's a good point.

Maybe it's an ironic name, like

Tiny over in Vice. He's, like, 8 feet tall.

- Everybody says he's tiny...

- I know, except this guy's normal size.

He'd have to be a lot smaller

for a name like Big Earl to be ironic.

You don't have to be a midget.

You're not exactly...

- How tall are you?

- I don't know, 5'9"?

- Well, that is kind of... Basically...

- Borderline. It's average.

Look. Big Earl got pinched two weeks ago.

He's in Bay City Correctional.

I took over the bar till he gets out.

Jeff, I'm sorry.

We apologize.

We're gonna pay Big Earl a visit.

Let me get this for you.

There you go. Good as new.

A word of advice:

Next time you watch a place...

...don't claim you own it

because you watch it.

I housesit for my sister all the time,

it's not like I claim that I own her house.

That goes for all y'all.

Don't pretend to be

something you're not.

Just be who you are.

That's what's really cool.

How did you get in?

Visiting hours are over.

Special treatment.

We got some questions

about Terrence Meyers.

- Terrence Meyers?

- Yeah.

You made this jacket for him?

Gee whiz, I don't seem to know anyone

by that name at all.

Hard customer.

Offer him a radio or some bullshit.

Maybe we can make your stay

a little more comfortable.

- Nice transistor radio for your cell?

- No.

- How about a TV?

- I tell you what.

I do like your blonde friend, here.

Let me see your bellybutton.

No. What... Let's go. Come on.

- No, listen.

- No, no! I'm not...

Hold on.

He's obviously a freak.

Just show him a little skin.

Show him your stomach.

Nobody's here.

Come on.

- Are we cool?

- Yes, we're cool.

Oh, eureka.

God, that's nice.

It's like a little bowl of oatmeal

with a hole in it.

- I got one too.

- Oh, come on.

I just got a little more

brown sugar on mine.

Did you say "Terrence Meyers"?

Yeah, I think I did make that jacket.

We might have pulled a job together.

What job? Who were you working for?

Stand up. Walk to the back

and do a spin for me.

Wait a second.

I just showed you my stomach...

Come on, a deal's a deal, Earl.

Fine, then this conversation is over.

Wait. Wait.

- Hold it. Come on. Wait.

- I can't hear you.

Get up.

- Tell him to take his jacket off.

- Take your jacket off.

- Slow spin.

- He says to do a slow spin.

Tell him to arch his back

and then look back at me, mean.

Like a dragon.

He says to arch your back

and look back at him, mean, like a dragon.

But keep it mean.

Tell him great job.

He can sit down.

You're a very convincing dragon.

You should feel good about that.

Just get this over with.

Okay, here's the deal.

Terrence and I worked as extra muscle

for a couple of dealers.

I'd like to tell you who,

but I don't know.

I never got a name,

I never got a face.

But I do know one thing:

They paid us in coke.

I was pretty pissed at the time.

I was hoping to get cash.

I'm no coke dealer.

Right, so where's the coke?

If we find that coke,

we can probably trace it.

Fine. Fine.

Look, I like you guys, okay?

Especially you. Okay?

Don't feel bad about that.

But I like you guys, so I'll tell you.

But...

But first I need to see something, okay?

And it's gonna involve both of you.

I'm not gonna lie to you.

It's gonna get weird.

Two dragons.

Ready? Both of you, take your shirts off.

But do it slow.

I guess it's supposed

to rain later tonight.

Yeah, that's what I heard.

- Look, you know, what happened...

- Can we please not talk about this, Hutch?

We got the coke.

Let's not ever talk about it.

You're right.

That's a good policy.

We got what we came for.

- You think dragons ever...

- Stop, I don't want to talk about it!

What the hell is wrong with you two?

- Come on, what are you...?

- You have brought disgrace...

...on everyone who's

ever worn a uniform.

My God.

- We didn't know there was a camera.

- Cap, we're sorry.

At least we got the stash.

There's gotta be 30 grams

of coke here, minimum.

This could lead us to the dealers

that iced Terrence Meyers.

It's evidence.

We can print the bag, run forensics.

We did.

We got nothing.

What we got is a bag

of artificial sweetener.

What are you talking about?

My granny wouldn't think

this was coke.

Come on, that's impossible.

We got the stuff from Big Earl.

- I'm taking you two off this floater.

- What?

- I'm giving it to Manetti.

- Manetti? Oh, come on, cap!

- Manetti's the worst cop on the force!

- Starsky. Stop.

Go on, sit down.

Come on.

Look, captain, we're sorry, but come on.

You can't take us off this.

I just did. Now, leave.

And take your bag

of artificial sweetener with you.

- Kicking the chair was a nice touch.

- Yeah, too bad it didn't work.

He'll get over it.

What I can't figure out is why Earl

got paid with bunk cocaine.

Now we've got two leads.

- We do?

- Stacey and Holly.

- Those two cheerleaders?

- No, no, those two witnesses.

They met Terrence.

Let's take them out,

see what we can learn.

I mean, is it our fault that they also

happen to be a couple of hot foxes?

Reese, I couldn't help myself.

They were cops.

- They were just too macho.

- Macho?

- It's simple. You should have lied.

- I did. I lied about you.

I didn't tell them anything.

But I had to give them something.

They were so pure.

You're lucky you're in the joint.

Do you understand me?

- Look at the bright side.

- Bright side?

It's the ultimate test.

The coke was in the police station.

They cleared it.

You should be happy.

Well, guess what?

I'm not happy.

I'm not happy at all about it, Earl!

Don't shush me!

Don't tell me to calm down!

- Understand?

- What are you wearing? Quick.

What am I wearing?

Silk flowered shirt and a vest. Why?

That's gorgeous.

- You sick son of a b*tch.

- Don't hang up. Don't hang up!

God. Some people.

I'm not gonna be able

to fit in my uniform tomorrow.

Is that a good or bad thing?

Is this the way you two

always treat witnesses?

Well, that depends. If it's a misdemeanor,

we've been known to skip the fondue...

...and move right to foot massages.

Let me see.

Watch out! Wait a minute,

I think that's police brutality.

- Anybody for some coffee?

- No, thanks.

Okay, one for le chef.

Wow. This place is great.

It serves my needs.

It's cozy. Homey.

- Can you help me find the sugar?

- It's there.

Hutch, help me find the sugar.

- Okay. Pardon me.

- Okay.

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