Starter for 10 Page #5

is not what an education is for.

- Jackson, Bristol!

- Toad and Badger.

Is the wrong answer.

The T-S in T.S. Elliot stands for.

- Jackson, Bristol!

- Thomas Stewart.

- Once again, the wrong answer. Lucy?

- Thomas Stearns.

- Correct.

- Patrick, I just want...

The studio conditions, Brian.

In anatomy, where might you find

the arcuate fasciculus, Wernicke's area...

Jackson, Bristol.

Sorry. Is Alice coming today?

Apparently not. I'm not delighted

about it, either, Brian.

In 24 hours we're making

a recorded appearance in front of

a TV audience of millions and you think

Thomas Elliot's middle name was Stewart!

Once again.

The arcuate fasciculus, Wernicke's area...

So this is where

it all happens, is it?

Spencer? What are you doing here?

I thought I'd pay you a visit.

You don't mind, do you?

No.

Really good to see you, Spence,

just a bit of a surprise, that's all.

Who let you in, anyway?

Some wanker in a velvet waistcoat.

You were nice to him, though, weren't you?

I don't know. Should I have been?

It's just, I do have to live

with him, and I just asked?

Yeah? Are you writing poetry?

No. Give me that! Give me that!

- Give me that.

- Who's Alice anyway?

With the big bosoms?

You're not serious?

You are serious.

Bloody hell, Spencer. What now?

I'm being prosecuted for

fiddling me unemployment benefit.

What's gonna happen?

I don't know.

Depends on the judge, I suppose.

But you still got the arcade job, right?

Not as such, no. They sort of

found me with my hand in the till.

What do they think you took?

- Couple of hundred.

- How much did you take?

Yeah, couple of hundred sounds about right.

Spencer.

You're a socialist. I thought you

approved of the redistribution of wealth.

By acquiring the means of production.

Not by just nicking stuff.

Can we talk about something else?

I came here to get away from all that.

Have a bit of a laugh, bit of fun, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, we can do that.

- Is she gonna be there?

- Who?

You know, the posh one.

The one in the poems.

Alice? I hope so.

Be nice, though, won't you?

Who, me? I'm always nice.

This hand and a bucket of water...

Look, let's move on.

# With many cheerful facts

about the square of hypotenuse

# With many cheerful facts

about the square of hypotenuse

# With many cheerful facts

about the square of hypotenuse

# I am the very model

of a modern Major-General

# I've information,

vegetable, animal, and mineral... #

Pub?

lt'll liven up. Come on, let's see

what's happening upstairs, yeah?

Come here.

That's her.

In the leotard.

- Well, introduce us, then.

- What for?

- You told me to be nice.

- Yeah, but

I thought we'd go have

a drink or something...

- She's coming over. She's coming over.

- What?

Hello.

Hi.

So, who's this, then?

Alice, this is Spencer.

Oh, the famous Spencer.

I've heard all about you.

- I've heard all about you.

- Oh, good.

- Drink, anyone?

- Tell me, what have you heard?

I don't think I can say.

- Anyone want a drink?

- What have you heard?

- You first.

- No, you first.

I'm gonna just go and

get some drinks, yeah?

# Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme

# Without no seams nor needlework... #

You're not gonna hit me, are you?

I haven't decided yet.

Rebecca.

- I'm sorry about...

- Look, Brian.

I got drunk. I was having a nice time

and I fancied a bit of

human, whatever, contact.

And I made a mistake. Misread the signals.

Very embarrassing, but not a big deal.

I'm sure I'll learn to love again.

Have you got your fluffy mascot

packed ready for the big match?

No, think it's all a bit silly, that mascot stuff.

Brian, you're such a maverick!

So, are you gonna come along

and watch, then?

What, see you in action? You must be joking.

I wish you would. There's a free minibus.

Yeah, what do you care anyway?

Just like you to be there, that's all.

Only don't say anything to

my mate Spencer. He'd only take a piss.

Oh, my God, Patrick!

Brian, I hope that's not

an alcoholic beverage in your hand there.

- Big day tomorrow and all.

- Why's that, then?

'Cause he's the team's

star player, aren't you?

- What team?

- This year's University Challenge team.

- You're joking?

- No.

You?

Me, Alice, Lucy and Patrick.

- What, actually on telly?

- Yeah.

- Bloody hell, Brian. You dark horse.

- Something funny?

No, not at all, mate.

Just always wondered what

kind of bizarre nerdy swot

would wanna go on a programme

like that, turns out it's you, Brian.

- I didn't want to tell you.

- So...

Where are you studying, mate?

Actually, Patrick,

Spencer is taking a year out.

- No, I'm not. I'm unemployed.

- I see.

- Social Security, then.

- That's right, yeah.

Or he was, until those bastards

decided to prosecute him.

- Are you being prosecuted, Spencer?

- Only for fiddling his dole.

Do you think you'll go to prison?

I'm sure if he didn't do it, he'll be fine.

But he did. He had to, didn't you?

Just to make a living wage.

- So you did have a job?

- Bit of cash-in-hand, yeah.

Well, then, I have to say best of luck, mate.

Well, hang on. Do you have any idea

how much the government pay a week?

So, there's obviously

plenty of work out there.

That's a little harsh, Patrick, some people...

- There's three million unemployed.

- Yes, but he isn't one of them, is he?

If his job wasn't paying him enough,

he should get on his bike

and find a better one.

He certainly shouldn't steal

from law abiding citizens...

Here's a question for you, mate!

What is my name?

- What?

- Spencer put him down.

You heard me, what is my name?

- I'll have to hurry you.

- Spencer, I'm serious, put him down.

- My name is?

- Patrick, say Spencer.

- Spencer, Spencer.

- Correct.

And if you got something to say to me,

you say it to my face! All right?

Patrick.

Spencer!

The party's over.

Your friend was looking for you.

- Why do you think I'm sitting out here?

- Yeah.

Quite a handful, isn't he?

Is Alice all right?

Brian, sometimes the people

you care about the most just

basically they don't give a toss about you.

Look, you don't know that.

Well, go on, then. Try. I dare you.

Go and see her right now

and tell her how you feel

and then maybe we can all

get some bloody peace.

Come on, Alice, open up.

Oh, my God, Brian. What's up?

Could I come in, do you think?

- I'll get some clothes on.

- All right.

Okay, you can come in.

All right, I'm sorry about tonight.

I love Spencer,

but he can be such a wanker sometimes.

Oh, no, don't worry about it.

I know I probably shouldn't say this,

but it was actually quite exciting.

Like Roman gladiators

or something and that...

I've been dying to do that for so long.

Oh, please don't.

What? We did it before.

We've got a big day tomorrow.

Can we just talk about this some other...

I love you, Alice.

At least, I think I do.

I thought that we had something.

Didn't we, Alice?

Some kind of chemistry,

or electricity, or whatever but...

All right, mate?

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