Status Update Page #2

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They didn't teach you any hockey in Cali?

Come on, Cali Boy!

Give me my phone back.

Whoa, they teach you manners in California?

All you gotta do is say please.

Please?

That wasn't so hard, was it?

Here, take it back.

Nice phone,

you might want to get that looked at... p*ssy.

Mortal enemy, check.

Hey, man, do you fix phones?

Mm...

You're tryin' to lock me into a lot of do's and

don't's right now, you beautiful angel.

Let me tell you something,

in a former life, I was a wolf.

Hm, cool.

Mm...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Your chi is way off.

Your chakras are not aligned.

You know what I'm saying?

The feng is not shui-ing.

Uh-huh. Can you fix my phone or not?

Yeah, I can fix your phone.

Let me see it.

Okay.

Yeah... say goodnight, this thing's done.

You've insta-ed your last gram,

tweeted your last twit.

I know, you left your whole life behind,

and you're pissed.

And the kids around here,

in pistachio khakis?

They don't really comprendo

a surfer dude like you.

Am I right? Or am I right?

How did you know that?

Because I'm here to enlighten the load, baby.

Mmmmm.

Listen, why don't you, tell me,

what I can do...

to make your life...

a little more namaste.

I don't know. I just~

I want things to be different.

Let's fly. Do it with me.

I'm not gonna do that.

Then nothing's gonna change.

Don't be scared. Come on, yeah,

yeah, there you go, fly.

Close your eyes.

Do you know what's below you?

All the haters, and they're

pointing and they're saying,

"Look at that beautiful, blonde bird

with well-conditioned hair."

You know what I'm saying?

That was intense, man.

How do you feel?

- Embarrassed.

- Great, me, too.

I want to show you something.

Take a look at this.

It's my own social media app.

It's called YOUniverse.

When you look at this screen man,

what do you see?

A blank page?

You're cute, but you are so stupid.

This is you, dude.

Not the "you" you are,

the "you" you want to be.

You can be anybody.

You just gotta fill this page,

a new beginning,

you know what I'm saying?

Because when you put positive

vibes out in the YOUniverse...

the YOUniverse listens.

Give me your hand.

Give me your beautiful, soft hand.

Take this... and go... to your destiny.

Thanks.

We're all made of energy,

me and you.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Whatever.

All you gotta do is fill the screen, baby.

- Pants up, hands where I can see 'em.

- What do you want?

I need to borrow your balcony.

My window's painted shut,

- and I need to sneak out.

- Where you goin'?

Xing-fu's taking me to

an Anime and Chill party.

What are you doing tonight?

That's right, nothing!

See ya'!

Good morning. Just warming up the pipes,

don't mind me.

Good morning, Sunshine.

Good morning.

You might want to take a look outside.

Is that my car?

That just showed up on a truck.

Yes! I can't believe it.

That's my car!

Yes, it is, and I can't believe it.

There's no way. Where's Dad?

Probably tanning on a beach somewhere...

and look, you need to get a job,

so you can pay for the gas,

but I will, help you

with the insurance.

Okay. Oh, I knew he'd come through.

Yes!

Yeah, I thought about trying out

for the hockey team,

but, my physician said that

I have the ankle strength,

of a ten-year-old girl.

But you know, multiplayer,

online gaming is my real passion.

It can get pretty physical, too.

Like one time, I passed out

after 17 straight hours of Warcraft.

- Really?

- Yeah, dehydration.

I went to the doctors

and I woke up in the ER.

And then, I met my girlfriend

through League of Legends.

She's a bikini model,

her name's Guadalupe.

Hey, Lonnie, can I ask you something?

Have you ever heard of an app

called YOUniverse?

No, and I'm on everything,

Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest.

Sure, I only have like two followers,

it's my mom and my granny,

and my dad blocked me for some reason.

That's weird, why would you

block your own son, right?

I haven't talked to him about that.

Wait, wait, what's YOUniverse?

It's just something I read about.

Gotta go, see ya'!

Cool, nothing, thanks for

starting that conversation.

I'll tell Guadalupe about that.

She's my girlfriend,

Guadalupe is my girl.

No one cares? Are you on Twitter?

We can find a way to break through

Even if we can't find heaven

I'll walk through hell with you

I'm gonna stand by you

Beth! Beth, thank you very much.

Um, I don't mean,

for you to take this personally...

but that was, and I say this

with the utmost respect,

like listening to two cats humping.

Is that fair?

Thanks, Beth!

Enjoy the stage as you leave it's...

it's the last time you'll ever be on one.

Okay.

All right, off you go everybody

who didn't make it, you can leave.

Grab your~

There, yes, you're one, certainly.

Yes, you were terrible.

Okay? Thanks, gang, have a good day.

All right, Dani, Brian, I'm gonna

need you up on stage.

Band and chorus, we got nine

weeks to do this, not a lot of time.

Excuse me... um... sorry.

I'm here to audition.

Okay, and you are?

I'm Kyle Moore.

Are you a singer, Mr. Moore?

Yeah... uh... I'm classically trained.

You're classically trained?

Yep.

Okay, everybody sit down,

we're gonna do one more up here.

You know where the stage is?

- It's this thing.

- Yeah.

Have a go at it.

All right, hey, uh, what will you be singing?

- Singing?

- Yeah.

Uh... it's a surprise, even to me.

I ah, usually just let my inner rock star,

do whatever he's feeling.

Your, inner rock star?

Yeah... yeah.

We're all just made of molecules, man.

We're just energy.

All you have to do, is soar!

(opera singing)

What the hell?

Quite a surprise, Mr. Moore.

My God,

that's the craziest thing I've ever seen.

You must be a very lonely person.

Come back when your balls drop!

Au revoir, mademoiselle.

Seriously, come back when

your balls drop.

Dude, I am freaking out!

You gotta tell me what

the deal is with the~

Dude?

Dude?

Okay.

Dude, dude!

Huh? Oh!

I remember you.

You're the angry kid with no friends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

stay with me here, now listen.

That YOUniverse app you put

on my phone, it's insane.

It worked, the things that

I wished for happened.

- Right.

- Then some things that I wished for,

- didn't happen the way that I wanted them to.

- I know!

Well?

- Let me ask you a question.

- Yeah.

If a unicorn wrote a tweet and then posted it,

and then he put it up and deleted it...

and then a tree fell down in the forest,

does anybody even hear it?

What are you talking about?

Listen, that YOUniverse app,

can you tell me how to control it?

Can you tell me if I can take

back something that I posted?

What do you want to take back?

Whoa, dude!

That's what you wished for?

- Listen to me, man.

- What?

You can't change the past,

that's crazy talk.

Is this forever?

Me and you?

No, no, I'm talking about the app.

- Oh, the app!

- Yes!

- All I know is this.

- Yeah.

The YOUniverse is changing

thousands of times every second.

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