Steel Magnolias Page #2

She's as sweet

as she can be.

Besides, I kind of like the idea

of hiring somebody with a past.

She can't be

more than 18.

She hasn't had time

to have a past.

Get with it, Clairee.

This is the '80s.

If you achieve puberty,

you can achieve a past.

[Bang Bang]

Whoa!

That man!

I swear, I don't know

how M'Lynn

puts up with that.

Go on! Get out of here!

Jackson, please.

I'm going to talk

some sense into you.

It's bad luck to see me

before the wedding.

So you are going to marry me.

Jackson...

We can work this out,

Shelby, please.

You want to

go through with this.

I don't want to give back

all the wedding presents.

That VCR alone is worth

getting married for,

and I love you.

[Bang Bang]

If Daddy

catches you in here,

whether or not I can

carry your children

will not matter.

He will cut your thing off.

Say you're going

to marry me.

I hate suspense.

Okay. Okay.

You meet me at 2:00.

Presbyterian church.

I'll be the one in the veil

down front.

Oh.

I'm going to make you

very happy.

We'll see.

Boy, give me the sports.

Boys, we're off to Truvy's.

Jonathan, keep your eye

on your brother Tommy.

Am I my brother's keeper?

Your brother's warden

is what you are.

That horrible woman

is coming by

to deliver the groom's cake

in about an...

Where's your father?

His coffee

kicked in.

Shelby, let's go.

Okay, Mama.

I said I'd be right there.

Shelby, you're going to be

late for your own wedding.

I'm wearing my hair down

'cause Jackson likes it down.

The veil would be prettier

with your hair up.

Get over it, Mama.

Whoops.

[Woof Woof]

Come here!

Stop it, Rhett!

Oh, sh*t!

It's Miss Ouiser.

Back door.

[Woof Woof Woof]

Drum!

Rhett!

M'Lynn!

Open the door!

I know you're in there!

Drum!

I think

there's somebody

at the door.

I think

it's for Daddy.

I know you're in there!

[Pounding On Door]

That is all she wrote!

Say please.

Thank you.

Get over here,

Rhett!

Stop pulling!

Sit. Oh, Rhett!

Sit! Sit.

Ouiser, you look

like hammered sh*t.

Don't talk to me like that!

I'm sorry. You look

like regular sh*t.

I have such a bone

to pick with you.

Woof! Aah!

Stop egging him on.

Come here.

Listen, I have just

come from the vet.

Come here, Rhett.

Whitey Black says

that all this noise

that you've

been making around here

for the last few days

has been causing a nervous

condition in my dog.

Look at this.

All his hair's falling out.

[Woof Woof]

I got to give this animal

tranquilizers.

Whitey Black is a moron.

I'm not even sure

he has opposable thumbs.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have work out in the backyard.

Hi, Miss Ouiser.

Ecch. Leave me alone.

Now you listen to me.

I don't know

if I'm coming or going.

I heard you got so screwed up

you cut your dog

out of your will

and had

an ungrateful nephew

put to sleep.

I'm at the end

of my rope.

Well, tie a noose in it

and slip it over your head.

Oh, damn it, Ouiser.

I don't want

to have to kill you.

Boys! Bring me my gun!

Don't you threaten me,

Drum Eatenton,

or I will call the police.

I got to scare away

about five zillion birds

this afternoon before

Shelby's reception.

If I don't, I'll have

to deal with my wife,

and I make it a point

never to deal with my wife.

But that dog is on

his last legs.

What am I going to do

with that poor animal?

Serve him on toast.

You get those magnolias

out of my tree?

The judge has not decided

whose tree that is exactly.

It is mine.

I will

speak to M'Lynn

about this.

Now, are these

chocolate chips

semisweet or milk?

They're milk.

Is the Karo syrup

light or dark?

It's a matter of taste.

Where's

the other one

you were

talking about...

A cuppa-cuppa-cup?

That's simple. You don't

need to write that down.

A cup of flour,

a cup of sugar,

a cup of fruit cocktail

with the juice,

and you mix

and bake at 350

to a golden bubbly.

Sounds awfully rich.

It is.

So I serve it over ice cream

to cut the sweetness.

I'll be right back,

honey.

Well, M'Lynn,

looks like you're

ready to roll.

I think we can trust

Annelle to do that.

Honey, her coiffure card's

in a box on the counter.

Oh, I don't know.

Today is a very special day,

and my work tends

to be too pouffy

when I'm nervous.

You stop that.

You're a professional now,

so get over there

and bang some hair.

Does your dress

have to go over your head?

No.

Oh, good.

I'm sorry.

Relax.

You can't

screw up her hair.

Just make it look

like a brown

football helmet.

I must have missed

the passage in Emily Post

that said all abuse is heaped

on the mother of the bride.

Oh, hush, girls.

Shelby, your mama

never tells us much.

What's Jackson like?

He's really cute.

I thought he was a pest at first,

but he kind of grew on me

and now I love him.

You made

a very good catch, Shelby.

Louisiana lawyers do well,

whether they want to or not.

I don't really care.

Don't get me wrong.

The money's real nice and all,

but I just like the idea

of growing old with somebody.

My dream is to get old

and sit on the back porch

covered with grandchildren

and say "no"

and "stop that."

Are you going to quit

your nursing job?

Never. I love it.

I love being around

all those babies.

Drum and I both feel

she should not work

after she gets married.

I'm so anxious to discuss this topic

for the 900th time this week.

You should not be on your feet

all day long.

You should be kinder

to your circulatory system.

You know what you need

in here, Truvy?

You need a radio.

Music is a wonderful thing

to have in the background.

It takes the pressure off everybody

feeling they have to talk so much.

I used to have one,

but I slammed it

against the wall

when I couldn't figure out

where the batteries went.

Of course I know now

I was suffering from

premenstrual syndrome.

Radio... What did I just...

Oh, yes.

The Antilley family

is selling KPPD.

I wonder how much

radio stations sell for.

Miss Clairee, you should buy KPPD.

You got plenty of money.

What would I do

with a radio station?

Business never interested me.

Lloyd took care

of all that stuff.

I hope you and Jackson

will be as happy

as Lloyd and I were.

We had such a good time...

until November.

At least he hung on

through the state playoffs.

Miss Clairee,

there are still good times to be had.

Well, I really do love football,

but it's hard to parlay that

into a reason to live.

What are your colors, Shelby?

They're Blush and Bashful.

Ooh!

Her colors are pink and pink.

My colors are Blush

and Bashful, Mama.

How precious is this wedding

going to get?

My colors are Blush and Bashful.

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