Steel Magnolias Page #3

And Daddy always says,

"An ounce of pretension's

worth a pound of manure."

The poet laureate

of Dogwood Lane.

Mama, I wish you'd

get off Daddy's back.

Shelby, look. I don't...

Fill us in

on the reception.

My reception,

my reception...

Ferns, dancing,

tons of people,

every pink flower

west of the Mississippi,

wedding cake

in the dining room,

and the groom's cake

hidden in the carport.

Shelby and I,

we agree on one thing...

The groom's cake.

The groom's cake.

It's awful.

It's in the shape

of a giant armadillo.

An armadillo?

You're joking, right?

Jackson wanted a cake

in the shape of an armadillo.

His aunt makes them.

It's unusual.

It's repulsive.

It's got gray icing.

I can't even begin to think

how you make gray icing.

Worse, the cake part

is red velvet cake...

Blood red.

People are going

to be hacking into

this poor animal.

It looks like

it's bleeding to death.

The rehearsal supper

was a real experience.

Mama, it wasn't that bad.

It was at Jackson's uncle's

place on the river.

Jackson's from

a good ol' Southern family

with good ol' Southern values...

Either shoot it,

stuff it, or marry it.

They're simply outdoorsy,

that's all.

Did y'all do anything

especially romantic?

We drove down

to Frenchman's Point

and went parking.

Ooh.

Oh, Shelby, really.

Oh, M'Lynn,

leave her alone.

This is my favorite part.

This is the romantic part.

Now, see, that's what

really melts my butter.

Well, then,

we went skinny-dipping,

and we did things that

frightened the fish.

It's been a long time since

we've had a youngster

in this place.

And we talked

and talked and talked.

I love those kind

of talks...

In the arms of

the man you love.

Actually, we fought

most of the time.

You fought?

'Cause I told him

I wouldn't marry him.

What?

Why did you do

a thing like that?

Oh, it's okay now.

We worked it all out.

Oh, it was probably

one of those last-minute

jitter things.

No, but the wedding's still on.

Well, thank goodness,

because this is going in

the hairdo hall of fame.

Shelby,

you scared us.

That wasn't a nice thing

to do to your mama.

Never say a thing like that

to a woman who's marinating

50 pounds of crab claws.

Oh, but the making up

can be so romantic.

I miss romance so much.

Oh, Truvy.

It can't be that bad.

Oh, really, now?

The last romantic thing

my husband did for me

was back in 1972.

He enclosed this carport

so I could support him.

I think I have something

that could cheer you up.

Drum and I have

been planning

on talking

to your husband

about

building a room

onto our house.

If you'll give Spud a job,

I'll give you hot oil treatments

for the rest of your life.

Annelle,

this looks pretty good.

I think you know

what you're doing.

[Annelle]

Thank you.

Mrs. Eatenton,

you have great hair.

Your scalp's

as clean

as a whistle.

[M'Lynn]

I try.

[Truvy]

It must run in the family.

The young 'un's

got the prettiest hair

I ever had my hands in.

Just because I'm bragging

on you, don't get lazy.

Hold your head up.

Stop it.

Shelby?

Shelby.

M'Lynn!

I'll get some juice.

Truvy,

there's some candy

in my purse.

I have some right here.

Shelby, Shelby,

hold on.

Clairee's getting you

some juice.

Shelby, Shelby, Shelby.

Should I get her a cookie?

No. Juice is better.

Here's the juice.

Shelby.

Shelby, you need some juice.

You need some juice.

Stop it, Mama.

Drink the juice.

Please.

No! Stop it, Mama!

I have some candy in my purse.

You didn't bring your purse, sweetheart.

You didn't bring your purse.

No, you didn't.

Here you go.

There you go.

Drink some of this.

It's not any wonder,

with all this running around

and wedding nonsense.

Excuse me. Should I call

the doctor or something?

No, no.

She's a diabetic.

She just has a little

too much insulin,

that's all.

A little more in her,

she'll be all right.

If you don't

leave me alone,

I'm going to leave.

I'd love to see you try.

Cooperate, please.

Honey, drink, please.

Come on now.

That a girl.

Yes, yes, yes,

yes, yes' yes.

There you go,

there you go.

There, there, there.

That's a start.

This one hit her fast.

She's been

so upset lately.

Dr. Mitchell told her

on her last appointment...

children aren't possible.

Don't talk about me

like I'm not here.

Oh, oh, oh.

She's making some sense now.

Yes, she is.

This one was not bad at all.

It was not bad at all.

Now I think we need

a little more juice.

Could I do

something to help?

No. She'll be fine.

Don't fuss over her.

Normality is very

important to Shelby.

Here, M'Lynn.

Thanks.

I am really sorry about

the children part, M'Lynn.

I know.

Shelby's afraid

that Jackson will be

throwing away

his chance

to have children.

Jackson said...

"Shelby, don't be stupid.

There's plenty of kids out there

need good homes."

Drink some.

"We'll adopt 10 of them.

We'll buy them

if we have to."

Jackson sounds like

good people to me.

Oh, Mama, I'm sorry.

That's all right, honey.

Oh, it's all right.

It's all over now.

It's over.

You hold your juice.

Okay.

It's all over.

Hold your juice.

All right.

Okay.

You all right?

Oh, Truvy, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'll fix it.

We'll fix it.

Okay.

What did I do with my gun?

Where did you

leave it?

How the hell do I know?

Well, come on.

We have work to do.

Daylight's burning.

We're going to get rid

of some birds.

Whoo!

Got the arrows, Daddy.

All right, all right.

Hey! Hey!

Lookee here, lookee here.

Dad,

I got the target.

No. We're not going

target shooting. Forget it.

Miss Clairee,

what cute shoes.

You think so?

I'm not so sure

myself.

They seem a little

too racy for me.

I'll probably

give them away.

They're just

too cha-cha for words.

I'll buy them from you.

What size you wear?

I wear a size 6,

but a 7 feels so good

I buy a size 8.

They're 81/2.

Perfect.

Lord, give us strength.

Come here, Rhett!

That is

one ugly dog.

What kind of dog

is that?

If it had hair,

a Saint Bernard.

This is it. I've found it.

I am in hell.

Good morning, Ouiser.

Don't try to get

on my good side.

I no longer have one.

You're a little early,

ain't you?

That is precisely

why I'm here...

to talk to M'Lynn

about her husband.

He is a boil

on the butt of humanity.

I'm sorry, Ouiser.

This whole thing has gotten out of hand.

It's not your fault.

I used to think you

were crazy for marrying that man.

Then I thought you were

a glutton for punishment.

Now I realize you must be

on some mission from God.

Miss Ouiser, Daddy isn't

trying to drive you crazy.

He's just trying

to make my reception nice.

His heart's

in the right place.

Ouiser,

I know for a fact

there will be

no more gunshots.

He was going

to fire a gun at me.

They're blanks.

Drum would

never point a gun

at a lady.

He's a real gentleman.

I bet he takes the dishes

out of the sink

before he pees in it.

Who the hell are you?

Uh... Annelle.

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