Steel Magnolias Page #4

I wear a size 6,

but a 7 feels so good

I buy a size 8.

They're 81/2.

Perfect.

Lord, give us strength.

Come here, Rhett!

That is

one ugly dog.

What kind of dog

is that?

If it had hair,

a Saint Bernard.

This is it. I've found it.

I am in hell.

Good morning, Ouiser.

Don't try to get

on my good side.

I no longer have one.

You're a little early,

ain't you?

That is precisely

why I'm here...

to talk to M'Lynn

about her husband.

He is a boil

on the butt of humanity.

I'm sorry, Ouiser.

This whole thing has gotten out of hand.

It's not your fault.

I used to think you

were crazy for marrying that man.

Then I thought you were

a glutton for punishment.

Now I realize you must be

on some mission from God.

Miss Ouiser, Daddy isn't

trying to drive you crazy.

He's just trying

to make my reception nice.

His heart's

in the right place.

Ouiser,

I know for a fact

there will be

no more gunshots.

He was going

to fire a gun at me.

They're blanks.

Drum would

never point a gun

at a lady.

He's a real gentleman.

I bet he takes the dishes

out of the sink

before he pees in it.

Who the hell are you?

Uh... Annelle.

This is my new...

Fine.

Now I know everybody

in this town.

And I don't recall

having seen you before.

I just moved into town

not too long ago.

With your family?

I don't have any family

to speak of.

Your husband?

My husband?

Yes.

Well, that's

kind of hard to say.

I, uh...

I don't know.

You don't know?

Well, I'm not sure.

You're not sure?

I'm intrigued.

Are you married or not?

These are not

difficult questions.

Well... we're...

I can't talk about it.

Of course you can.

Well, I'm not sure

if I'm married or not.

He's gone.

Men are the most

horrible creatures, honey.

They will ruin your life,

mark my words.

Everything is horrible.

Bunky- that's my husband...

He just vanished last week.

He took all the money,

my jewelry, the car.

Most of my clothes

were in the trunk.

He's in big trouble

with the law.

Mm-hmm.

Drugs or something.

The police keep questioning me,

but I don't know anything.

They say that our marriage

may not be legal.

Well, I wish you'd

have said something.

I was scared to.

I need a job

in the worst way.

I didn't know if you would

hire someone who may

or may not be married

to someone who might be

a dangerous criminal.

But, Miss Truvy, I swear to you,

my personal tragedy

will not interfere with

my ability to do good hair.

Of course it won't.

I really don't

think things could

get any worse.

Of course they can.

We are awful.

We are all hateful,

awful people.

Here all we've

been talking about

is weddings

and psychotic animals.

What can we do to help?

I know one thing.

Drop by this afternoon.

You're going to have

some bleeding armadillo

groom's cake.

[M'Lynn]

Oh, yes, you must.

Oh, no, I couldn't.

I still get real emotional sometimes.

Not today you won't.

It's going to be

a great party.

Well, I don't have anything to wear.

I'll bet I have something

that will do.

I'll call the house.

Uh, thanks.

All right.

Load me up.

Ready? All right.

We're ready.

All right.

Are you ready?

Stand back.

Here we go.

Whoa!

Aah!

Aah!

[Woof Woof]

What the hell is that?

You got them

real nice, Dad!

You nailed them!

Yeah!

Yeah!

I hope no one was hurt.

Shelby, get my things.

Rhett!

Miss Ouiser, that dog

will eat Daddy alive.

Ohh, no!

Ouiser, talk to him!

He'll listen to you!

Please!

It's my wedding day.

Say something!

Kill, Rhett! Kill!

Daddy, we're coming!

Bite him in the balls!

[Organ Plays "Because"]

Because God made thee mine

I'll cherish thee

Through light and darkness

Through all time we'll be

And pray his love

Will make our love divine

Sorry.

Because God

Made thee mine

I'm sorry.

[Playing The "Wedding March"]

Now.

Shelby.

Shelby, it's time.

Daddy, it's time.

It's time.

It's time!

Grrr.

Who gives this woman

in marriage?

Her mother and I do!

[Guests Laughing]

Dearly beloved...

I know a barber shop

way across town

Down on North Walker street

It's the loneliest place

on a Saturday night...

This has been

the happiest day

of my life, Daddy.

Oh, I'm glad, sugar.

I'm not talking too loud,

am I?

No, you're fine.

Shelby loves you very much.

I hope so.

It cost me 60 bucks

to rent this sucker.

I-I'm being serious.

So am I.

I got the receipt right here.

Could I say this, please?

Shelby is so happy.

I know when you're young

it seems like everything

will always be perfect.

Maybe it will be.

Promise me

you'll think about it

before you make any big decisions

about family.

I know what you're saying.

Good.

Never won't come, come, come

If you don't 7-11, dice

I'm done, done, done

Now if I see the police

before he sees me

I'm gonna run, run, run

'Cause I'm the leader of society

Since I got mine...

What can I get you?

Nothing. No, thanks.

You sure? It's free.

Oh?

Come on.

What will it be?

A cherry Coke.

Sure.

So, are you

a friend of the bride

or the groom?

Neither.

Sh-Shelby invited me.

I don't know why I'm here.

I'm Sammy.

And this here's

the best cherry Coke

in the history of the world.

Can I help you, sir?

That Jackson,

he is one big hangin' man.

Yes, I know.

Nancy Beth, come along.

Calories, calories.

I don't like

Belle Marmillion.

I don't trust anybody

that does their own hair.

I don't think it's normal.

She's the best volunteer we have

at the mental guidance center.

She's so good

with troubled children.

Wish I'd have taken Louie there

and got him straightened out.

Even his imaginary playmates

wouldn't play with him.

Oh, Truvy,

your boy grew up fine.

He's just a little scary.

I just think it'd be fun

to have access to all that

secret personal information.

Oh, come on, M'Lynn.

Tell me some of your

most bizarre cases,

and let me see

if I can figure out

who they are.

No.

There's some

pretty sick tickets

in this town.

I will do no such thing.

Cut that out.

You old fuddy-duddy.

["Rock And Roll" Plays]

I'm not

speaking to you.

Oh, what a shame.

I mean it, Drum.

Can we call a truce

long enough for me

to get a piece of cake?

Thanks, Ouiser.

Nothing like

a good piece of ass.

Clairee, you know

I'd rather walk on my lips

than to criticize anybody.

But... Janice Van Meter.

I know.

I bet money

she's paid $500 for that dress

and don't even bother

to wear a girdle.

Looks like two pigs

fighting under a blanket.

I haven't left the house

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