Steel Magnolias Page #7

Little buddy's

making a wish.

I wish he'd just

blow out the candle.

I can't stand this.

Don't you dare.

Come on.

Look. Look.

Here we go.

1... 2... 3...

Yay.

Yay.

Happy birthday.

I'll be back from Truvy's

in about an hour.

Anything you want?

I think I'll come with you.

I want to get my hair cut.

Short.

And I want Truvy to do it.

It's easier to take care of.

I'd love to be able to run my fingers

through it and go.

I think that

would be precious.

I feel the need to make things

as simple as possible.

Let me go tell Jackson.

Shelby.

Shelby, I just can't

seem to find the wipes.

They're in my bag.

Is he wet?

He's muddy.

Miss Clairee,

finish about your nephew.

Get to the good stuff.

Well, I have to admit,

Marshall did go about it

the wrong way.

He marched in,

and without so much

as a hello, he said,

"Mama and Daddy,

I have something to tell you.

"I have a brain tumor.

I have three months to live."

Well, naturally,

Drew and Belle became hysterical.

Then he said,

"Hey, folks, I'm only kidding.

I'm just gay."

That was his idea of

breaking the news gently?

Marshall was always

very theatrical.

I wonder what Drew and Belle

must be feeling about this.

I don't know.

They have considered themselves

a model family for so long.

First Nancy Beth

dethroned

from her

Miss Merry Christmas title

because of that

unfortunate motel thing.

What motel thing?

I don't live here anymore.

Remember?

Nancy Beth was discovered

in a local motel

with a high political official.

They were both high.

They'd been

smoking everything

but their shoes.

She's the first

Miss Merry Christmas

in history

to be caught with her tinsel

down around her knees.

Well, speaking of drawers,

hang on to yours.

Ta-da!

Oh, gosh.

Oh, you don't like it.

I did what you asked me,

didn't I?

Yes, Truvy,

you did a beautiful job.

Well, it's just that...

Oh, sweetheart, don't.

Please don't cry,

or I will, too.

I have a strict policy

that nobody cries alone

in my presence.

I love it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, now, Truvy,

let's do my nails.

This is a treat.

Nobody around here

ever wants a manicure.

I don't think I would

even know what to charge

for a full day's beauty.

I'll need one, too.

I'm going to paint

my front door red

and change my name

to Elizabeth Arden.

Amen.

Annelle, I'm going to

need more cuticle oil.

Is it still next...

Second shelf.

Was she praying?

Yes.

Why?

Got me. Maybe she was praying

for Marshall and Drew and Belle.

Maybe for us

'cause we were gossiping.

Maybe because

the elastic's shot

in her panty hose.

She's prays at the drop

of a hat these days.

How long has she

been this way?

Since Mardi Gras.

She had her choice of

going to a Bible weekend

or to New Orleans with me

and two other sinners.

What does her boyfriend say?

Sammy's so confused,

he don't know whether

to scratch his watch

or wind his butt.

He says he could deal

with another man,

but he's having trouble with the Father,

the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Ahem.

Oh, well, does Marshall

have, you know, friends?

Well, we discussed that.

I asked him how he...

met people.

In my day you could tell

by a man's carriage

and demeanor

which side his bread

was buttered on,

but in this day and age,

who knows?

I asked Marshall,

"How can you tell?"

And he said,

"All gay men have track lighting,

"and all gay men

are named

Mark, Rick or Steve."

Be a soft-spoken dog.

Morning.

What's so funny in there?

Clairee's just been telling us

this true story of track lighting.

Oh, I love mine.

Highlights my new art work.

Since when do you

have track lighting?

About three weeks.

It's in the foyer

up the staircase.

My grandson's idea.

I haven't seen him in ages.

How is he?

Steve's fine.

Shelby.

Oh, God.

Your hair is so short.

Why are you in such a good mood?

Did you run over

a small child or something?

Tomatoes.

Don't give all these to me.

Somebody's got to take them.

I try not to eat healthy food

if I can possibly help it.

The sooner my body gives out,

the better off I'll be.

I can't get enough grease

into my diet.

Why do you grow them?

Because I'm

an old Southern woman.

We're supposed to wear

funny-looking hats and ugly clothes

and grow vegetables in the dirt.

Don't ask me

those questions.

I don't know why.

I don't make the rules.

[Burp]

Oh, now, that's attractive,

Ouiser.

Hmm. Shelby.

Oh, honey, what have

you done to yourself?

It doesn't hurt.

M'Lynn, have you seen this?

Yes, I have.

The doctor's just trying

to strengthen my veins.

They're in terrible shape.

My God.

It looks like you've been

driving nails up your arms.

What is going on?

Shall we tell them, Mama?

Well, I guess we can't

keep it a secret any longer.

Shelby has been

driving nails up her arm.

It's my dialysis.

It's no big thing.

Don't look at me like that.

Having Jack, Jr.

Put too much strain

on my kidneys.

Now they're kaput,

that's all.

The doctor said this

would probably happen.

That's all?

That's all, she says.

Do you do this dialysis forever?

Well, I could, I suppose,

but it's not real convenient

when you're trying to keep up with Jack, Jr.,

so I'll have a kidney transplant,

I'll be fine.

Is it that easy?

Sure.

They do three or four

a week in Shreveport.

They do.

Our Sunday school class was just

praying for one the other day.

The hard part's finding

the kidney, isn't it?

I saw something about it on TV...

very dramatic.

These medical teams

fly all over the place,

taking hearts, kidneys,

and who knows what else.

What impressed me most

was they carry those organs

in beer coolers.

Stop it.

Those doctors take out

their six-packs,

throw in dry ice and a heart,

and get on a plane.

How long do you have to

wait for one?

There are people on dialysis

that have been waiting for years.

That must be agony.

Well, I suppose, but I'm lucky.

I don't have to wait anymore.

Mama's going to give me

one of her kidneys.

When?

We check in

tomorrow morning.

So you better get going on my nails.

Annelle, I'm dripping.

Sorry.

I shouldn't have said that.

Said what?

Back at Truvy's.

When I said I'd be better off

when my body wears out.

I shouldn't have said that

in front of Shelby.

I didn't mean that.

Ouiser, nobody pays

any attention to you.

But I feel bad, Clairee.

I'm a terrible person.

No, you're not.

You'd give your dog a kidney

if he needed one.

Yes.

Clairee,

this is just a gesture.

We're not feeding Drum

till the end of time.

Drum loves pork and beans.

He eats them with everything.

That explains a lot.

You're supposed to

soak the red beans overnight.

But we don't have overnight.

I wanted to take it to them

before they leave for the hospital.

Let's cook something else.

I bought all the stuff.

It's in the "Freezes Beautifully"

section of my cookbook.

I want to take something

that freezes beautifully.

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