Steel Magnolias Page #7

Truvy. You kill me.

Merry Christmas.

Oh! Thank you.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, darling.

I have to tell you

your nephew Marshall

is a little piece

of heaven on earth.

They're family,

and I love them,

but they do look carved

out of cream cheese.

Clairee,

I'm surprised at you

talking about

your kin that way.

Well, as somebody

always said,

if you can't say anything

nice about anybody,

come sit by me.

That's a good one.

Miss Ouiser.

What?

There's somebody

that wants

to see you.

Who?

I've opened the can

of worms for you.

What?

Hell.

Owen Jenkins.

Hello, Louisa.

Remember me?

My God, you look different.

Have you shrunk?

You look terrific.

You've hardly

changed at all.

I'm not as sweet

as I used to be.

Jesus Lord, at thy birth...

I cannot believe

Shelby did that.

Owen...

After all these years.

I'm not sure I can be

gracious under pressure.

Shelby does a lot of

things I can't believe.

M'Lynn, what's wrong

with you these days?

You got a reindeer

up your butt?

Everybody! Tommy,

get all these people outside.

Come on, everybody.

My dad's going

to say something.

I just want a moment

of your time, folks, now.

Today my daughter...

told me a big secret.

Daddy.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to tell them

you're pregnant.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

I'm just going to tell them

I'm going to be a granddaddy.

Oh. That's wonderful.

Oh, Grandma!

Congratulations.

Well, ain't you excited?

Smile. It increases

your face value.

And the doctor said Shelby

couldn't have children.

Yeah. What do they know?

She showed them.

They said she shouldn't

have children.

There's a big difference.

This baby is not exactly great news.

Jackson and Shelby.

[Cheering]

Oh, M'Lynn, I really wish

I had some words of wisdom,

but I don't.

Why don't we focus on

the joy of the situation?

It'll be fine.

Absolutely.

You know what they say...

That which does not kill us

makes us stronger.

Nothing pleases Shelby more

than proving me wrong.

Oh, and to

my new grandbaby...

May he be as

good-looking as I am.

Born on the third of July

He's a Yankee Doodle sweetheart

He's a Yankee Doodle boy

Yankee Doodle went to London

Just to ride the ponies

He is a Yankee Doodle boy

Whoo!

Go ahead.

Blow it out, buddy.

This is boring as hell.

You only have your

first birthday once.

Little buddy's

making a wish.

I wish he'd just

blow out the candle.

I can't stand this.

Don't you dare.

Come on.

Look. Look.

Here we go.

1... 2... 3...

Yay.

Yay.

Happy birthday.

I'll be back from Truvy's

in about an hour.

Anything you want?

I think I'll come with you.

I want to get my hair cut.

Short.

And I want Truvy to do it.

It's easier to take care of.

I'd love to be able to run my fingers

through it and go.

I think that

would be precious.

I feel the need to make things

as simple as possible.

Let me go tell Jackson.

Shelby.

Shelby, I just can't

seem to find the wipes.

They're in my bag.

Is he wet?

He's muddy.

Miss Clairee,

finish about your nephew.

Get to the good stuff.

Well, I have to admit,

Marshall did go about it

the wrong way.

He marched in,

and without so much

as a hello, he said,

"Mama and Daddy,

I have something to tell you.

"I have a brain tumor.

I have three months to live."

Well, naturally,

Drew and Belle became hysterical.

Then he said,

"Hey, folks, I'm only kidding.

I'm just gay."

That was his idea of

breaking the news gently?

Marshall was always

very theatrical.

I wonder what Drew and Belle

must be feeling about this.

I don't know.

They have considered themselves

a model family for so long.

First Nancy Beth

dethroned

from her

Miss Merry Christmas title

because of that

unfortunate motel thing.

What motel thing?

I don't live here anymore.

Remember?

Nancy Beth was discovered

in a local motel

with a high political official.

They were both high.

They'd been

smoking everything

but their shoes.

She's the first

Miss Merry Christmas

in history

to be caught with her tinsel

down around her knees.

Well, speaking of drawers,

hang on to yours.

Ta-da!

Oh, gosh.

Oh, you don't like it.

I did what you asked me,

didn't I?

Yes, Truvy,

you did a beautiful job.

Well, it's just that...

Oh, sweetheart, don't.

Please don't cry,

or I will, too.

I have a strict policy

that nobody cries alone

in my presence.

I love it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, now, Truvy,

let's do my nails.

This is a treat.

Nobody around here

ever wants a manicure.

I don't think I would

even know what to charge

for a full day's beauty.

I'll need one, too.

I'm going to paint

my front door red

and change my name

to Elizabeth Arden.

Amen.

Annelle, I'm going to

need more cuticle oil.

Is it still next...

Second shelf.

Was she praying?

Yes.

Why?

Got me. Maybe she was praying

for Marshall and Drew and Belle.

Maybe for us

'cause we were gossiping.

Maybe because

the elastic's shot

in her panty hose.

She's prays at the drop

of a hat these days.

How long has she

been this way?

Since Mardi Gras.

She had her choice of

going to a Bible weekend

or to New Orleans with me

and two other sinners.

What does her boyfriend say?

Sammy's so confused,

he don't know whether

to scratch his watch

or wind his butt.

He says he could deal

with another man,

but he's having trouble with the Father,

the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Ahem.

Oh, well, does Marshall

have, you know, friends?

Well, we discussed that.

I asked him how he...

met people.

In my day you could tell

by a man's carriage

and demeanor

which side his bread

was buttered on,

but in this day and age,

who knows?

I asked Marshall,

"How can you tell?"

And he said,

"All gay men have track lighting,

"and all gay men

are named

Mark, Rick or Steve."

Be a soft-spoken dog.

Morning.

What's so funny in there?

Clairee's just been telling us

this true story of track lighting.

Oh, I love mine.

Highlights my new art work.

Since when do you

have track lighting?

About three weeks.

It's in the foyer

up the staircase.

My grandson's idea.

I haven't seen him in ages.

How is he?

Steve's fine.

Shelby.

Oh, God.

Your hair is so short.

Why are you in such a good mood?

Did you run over

a small child or something?

Tomatoes.

Don't give all these to me.

Somebody's got to take them.

I try not to eat healthy food

if I can possibly help it.

The sooner my body gives out,

the better off I'll be.

I can't get enough grease

into my diet.

Why do you grow them?

Because I'm

an old Southern woman.

We're supposed to wear

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