Steel Magnolias Page #8

funny-looking hats and ugly clothes

and grow vegetables in the dirt.

Don't ask me

those questions.

I don't know why.

I don't make the rules.

[Burp]

Oh, now, that's attractive,

Ouiser.

Hmm. Shelby.

Oh, honey, what have

you done to yourself?

It doesn't hurt.

M'Lynn, have you seen this?

Yes, I have.

The doctor's just trying

to strengthen my veins.

They're in terrible shape.

My God.

It looks like you've been

driving nails up your arms.

What is going on?

Shall we tell them, Mama?

Well, I guess we can't

keep it a secret any longer.

Shelby has been

driving nails up her arm.

It's my dialysis.

It's no big thing.

Don't look at me like that.

Having Jack, Jr.

Put too much strain

on my kidneys.

Now they're kaput,

that's all.

The doctor said this

would probably happen.

That's all?

That's all, she says.

Do you do this dialysis forever?

Well, I could, I suppose,

but it's not real convenient

when you're trying to keep up with Jack, Jr.,

so I'll have a kidney transplant,

I'll be fine.

Is it that easy?

Sure.

They do three or four

a week in Shreveport.

They do.

Our Sunday school class was just

praying for one the other day.

The hard part's finding

the kidney, isn't it?

I saw something about it on TV...

very dramatic.

These medical teams

fly all over the place,

taking hearts, kidneys,

and who knows what else.

What impressed me most

was they carry those organs

in beer coolers.

Stop it.

Those doctors take out

their six-packs,

throw in dry ice and a heart,

and get on a plane.

How long do you have to

wait for one?

There are people on dialysis

that have been waiting for years.

That must be agony.

Well, I suppose, but I'm lucky.

I don't have to wait anymore.

Mama's going to give me

one of her kidneys.

When?

We check in

tomorrow morning.

So you better get going on my nails.

Annelle, I'm dripping.

Sorry.

I shouldn't have said that.

Said what?

Back at Truvy's.

When I said I'd be better off

when my body wears out.

I shouldn't have said that

in front of Shelby.

I didn't mean that.

Ouiser, nobody pays

any attention to you.

But I feel bad, Clairee.

I'm a terrible person.

No, you're not.

You'd give your dog a kidney

if he needed one.

Yes.

Clairee,

this is just a gesture.

We're not feeding Drum

till the end of time.

Drum loves pork and beans.

He eats them with everything.

That explains a lot.

You're supposed to

soak the red beans overnight.

But we don't have overnight.

I wanted to take it to them

before they leave for the hospital.

Let's cook something else.

I bought all the stuff.

It's in the "Freezes Beautifully"

section of my cookbook.

I want to take something

that freezes beautifully.

Then we'll make

red beans and rice.

Sammy Dwayne DeSoto,

what is this in my Frigidaire?

Beer.

I don't care what you do

in your refrigerator,

but you will not

keep liquor in mine.

Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sakes.

Who?

Christ.

Who did you say?

Christ, Christ, Christ.

Are you speaking of Our Lord?

Is that whose name

you're taking in vain?

That's the one.

Well, I am sorry, Sammy,

but I'm not about spend

the next 50 years of my life

with someone who

I'm not gonna run into

in the hereafter.

Annelle, goddamn it!

I think we should pray.

Oh, I'd rather eat dirt.

Shelby says her half

of the operation's easy.

I guess M'Lynn's is terrible.

They basically have

to saw her in half

to get the kidney out.

Well, they always do it

on Circus of the Stars.

Don't joke about it, Spud.

I feel awful for 'em.

Yeah, well.

I guess the Eatentons

are lucky.

They all know how much

they mean to each other.

Maybe I'm jealous.

Hand me that socket wrench,

would you?

Which one's a socket wrench?

The socket wrench,

the socket wrench.

This funny-looking thing?

Thank you.

That's not funny.

Okay, no more transplant jokes.

Daddy doesn't like them.

Whose turn is it?

Oh, Mama.

Oh, yes?

Give me all your...

internal organs.

Oh, I mean aces.

Gosh, Dad, I-I'm sorry.

Yeah.

It just slipped out.

Go fish.

I'm going to put

this little one to bed.

Mama, I'll do it.

No, no, no. Let me.

After tomorrow

it'll be a long time

before I can pick him up again.

So much for the card game.

Movie!

Movie!

It's old,

in black and white.

Nothing dirty there.

I got it, a classic...

A Tale of Two Kidneys.

That's funny.

You think that's funny?

Yes.

That's not funny.

Oh.

I overslept 'cause I was

up late cooking.

I've got to get these beans

to the Eatentons,

and it's my Sunday

to count the offering.

I just know I'm gonna miss church.

Cool down.

I'll have to turn the hose on you.

I don't know what

I'm gonna do.

Well, I know what you're gonna do.

You are gonna get in this car.

We're going to drop those beans off

at the Eatenton house.

Then you are going

to church with me.

Oh, I don't know.

God don't care

which church you go to,

long as you show up.

Abide with me

Fast falls the eventide

The darkness deepens

Lord, with me abide

When other helpers

Fail and comforts flee

Help of the helpless, Lord...

Ouiser, what brings you here?

Shut up.

I was wondering

how things were

with you and Owen.

I can report that

the Sherwood Florist delivery truck

stops by her house

twice a week.

He knows I like

fresh flowers.

And I can report

that a strange car

is parked in her garage

once a week.

There.

My secret is out.

I am having an affair

with a Mercedes-Benz.

We are in

the house of the Lord.

Oh, a lot she cares.

Ouiser never done

a religious thing in her life.

Now, that is not true.

When I was in school,

my friends and I would dress up as nuns

and go bar-hopping.

Uh, Ouiser, forgive me,

but I just been dying

to ask you this.

Have you and Owen,

you know, um...

Wait. I have to get

a mental picture of this.

A dirty mind

is a terrible thing

to waste.

Well?

Not that this is

any of anyone else's

business,

but no, we're friends.

He would like more,

and I'm dealing with that.

I'm old and set in my ways.

You are playing hard to get.

At her age,

she should be playing

Beat the Clock.

Miss DeLore,

is 240 on Telemetry?

Yes, he is.

Thank you.

May I help you?

I need somebody

to fix my I.V., please.

Someone will be there

in a minute.

Wendy,

can you check 240's I.V?

Sure.

[Woman On P.A.]

Rodriguez, dial 7-4.

Dr. Rodriguez, dial 7-4, please.

I really do. I think

that despite everything,

we have

a very good result.

Looks good.

Looks real, real good.

Thanks.

[Thunder]

Surprise!

Oh, Truvy,

I can't believe this!

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