Step Brothers

Hey, Brennan.

Mom, I'm watching the thing

with the lady.

I'm leaving. Okay?

I'll be home around 11.

- Bye, Mom.

- Bye, Brennan.

Let's slowly get those hips up.

Good. Now, hold it right here. Great.

Dale.

Dale, I'm leaving for the conference.

- You leave me money for pizza, Dad?

- Yeah, there's $20 on the hall table.

Do not order pay-per-view, buddy.

- But what if I want wings?

- You don't need wings.

That's not enough, Dad!

The RTI cochlear implant...

...is the state-of-the-art

implantable hearing device...

...due to its input processing of sound

via the speech processor.

But the most exciting

new development...

...is the external processor...

...which fits directly over the ear...

...which eliminates the need to put

your face between those breasts.

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm so lost.

And this never happens to me.

My name is Robert, and I play

racquetball. I collect coins.

Sweet Jesus! I love Korean food.

I am Nancy Huff. I know

how to make tandoori chicken...

...I contribute to NPR

every single year...

...and I love the movies

of Rob Reiner.

Pilates changed my life.

I have a boat, and I wanna retire

and sail around the world.

- I love the sea!

- And I drive a Mercedes...

...and I have a 40-year-old son, Dale,

who still lives at home.

- What did you just say?

- I knew I shouldn't have told you that.

I have a 39-year-old son

named Brennan...

...who still lives at home with me.

I would like to thank all of you...

...for being here with us

on this fantastic, wonderful day.

And I would like to raise my glass.

Dale and I wanna welcome you

to our home with open arms.

- Get a room, Dad.

- Oh, for chri... Dale!

Well, as you all know, my youngest

son, Derek, couldn't be here...

...because of an important

fishing trip.

But my other son, Brennan, was going

to be moving into his own place...

...but he was recently let go

from his job at PetSmart...

...so he is gonna be living with us.

I wasn't fired from my job,

I was laid off!

But you wouldn't

know the difference.

I didn't want salmon!

I said it four times.

This wedding is horseshit.

Somebody's awfully quiet

back there.

I'm not gonna call him Dad.

Brennan, you're 39 years old.

I would not expect you

to call him Dad.

Well, I'm not going to, ever.

Even if there's a fire.

Robert better not get in my face...

...because I'll drop

that motherf***er.

Jesus, Brennan.

I'm just saying, I think

you gotta think about your options.

I know that you are

technically married now...

...but that does not mean

that they have to live here.

Dale, I think it's time for a change

for both of us.

Dad, we're men, okay?

That means a few things.

We like to sh*t with the door open.

We talk about p*ssy.

We go on riverboat-gambling trips.

We make our own beef jerky.

That's what we do.

And now that is all wrecked.

We literally have never done

any of those things.

Where did he go to medical school?

He went to Northwestern

and Johns Hopkins.

- Is that good enough for you?

- No, it's not.

Well, Brennan, those are

very prestigious schools.

I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.

You don't know anyone

named Johnny Hopkins.

It was Johnny Hopkins

and Sloan Kettering...

...and they were

blazing that sh*t up every day.

All right, here's a scenario

for you, Dad.

Suppose Nancy sees me

coming out of the shower...

...and decides to come on to me.

I'm looking good.

I've got a luscious V of hair...

...going from my chest pubes

down to my ball-fro.

And she takes one look at me,

and she goes:

"Oh, my God.

I've had the old bull,

now I want the young calf."

- And she grabs me by the wiener.

- Shut the f*** up!

- Come on, Brennan.

- I'm fine here.

- There you are.

- Hi.

Oh, you look so cute

in your moving clothes.

- How was it?

- It was easy.

The movers did everything.

Where's Brennan?

He's still in the car.

It was kind of a rough drive.

Hey, Robert,

what's all the commotion?

- Hey, Don.

- Is that your wife, Nancy?

- Right here, Don.

- Can I come over this afternoon...

...and touch your face?

- Sure.

Thanks. Good luck, guys.

We'll see you, Don.

Let's go, Cinnamon.

Heel, Cinnamon.

Heel! Cinnamon!

Cinnamon!

Hi, Dale.

Hey, Nancy. Could you make me

a grilled-cheese sandwich?

- Sure.

- No.

Dale just ate. He's testing you to see

how much he can get away with.

- I see.

- I'm hungry.

Look in your right hand.

- I sure don't mind a bit. I really don't.

- No, no.

No, no. He's fine.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm Brennan.

I'm Dale.

But you have to call me Dragon.

You have to call me Nighthawk.

Brennan.

Please don't do that.

Now, that's enough ketchup.

Come on. Dale.

- I like it.

- That's enough.

Dale, I don't know if you...

You might wanna try this. I make

a sauce, we call it "fancy sauce"...

For me.

- that Brennan really likes

with his chicken nuggets.

It's my fancy sauce.

Well, when Brennan finishes,

I'll give you some of this, and it's...

It's ketchup and mayonnaise

mixed together, so...

It's so good.

- I want some fancy sauce.

- Yeah.

- I'm not done using it.

- Looks good.

- Can I have fancy sauce?

- Of course. Of course.

- I'm using it right now.

- Okay.

- So let's just let him try some.

- You wanna try it, Dale?

Yeah, I really would like some.

Just one last spoonful.

Hey, I think you've got

enough there, Brennan.

- So here you go.

- Thanks.

It's ketchup and mayonnaise.

- I don't like it. It smells weird.

- Okay.

- I'll try some.

- You want some?

- Sure. Absolutely.

- Okay.

You don't mind, do you, Brennan?

No. Okay.

- Brennan...

- I'm not comfortable...

It's okay. It's probably

not good on fish anyway.

My dad's king of the castle, so if he

wants fancy sauce, he should...

- No, it's all right, Dale.

- He can make his own batch.

So you know what?

Today, when you were driving around,

Dale was telling me that he's really...

...into kung fu, and I was telling him

that you're really into kung fu as well.

I have a green belt.

Read it and weep.

I don't believe in belts.

There should be no

ranking system for toughness.

But one time I wrestled a giraffe

to the ground with my bare hands.

That's not true, Dale.

Don't be ridiculous.

So, Dale, what have you been

working on recently?

Well...

...I manage a baseball team.

- Little League?

- Fantasy league.

Take a picture. It'll last longer.

Why don't you stop

being so confrontational, Dale?

I'm not the one staring at me.

So, Brennan, how about you?

I know you used to

work at PetSmart.

- That's right, Mr. Doback.

- Call me Robert.

- That's right, Robin.

- Robert.

Robin.

Actually, Brennan

is a really talented person.

He's a very gifted singer.

- I'm really, really good.

- How good?

I've been called

the songbird of my generation...

...by people who've heard me.

That good.

The only trick is

is that Brennan's very...

...particular about

who he sings in front of, so...

I'm his mom, for example,

I've only heard him sing twice.

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