Step Sisters

[WOMEN CHANTING RHYTHMICALLY]

T-H-E-T-A

T-H-E-T-A

Theta

[MEN CHANTING] Theta

[WOMEN CHANTING] Ooh, stop

[WOMAN SINGING] There ain't no woman

Like a Theta woman

[MAN] Come on, now!

Theta

[WOMEN SINGING]

There ain't nothing greater

[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

[CROWD CHANTING] Theta! Theta!

Theta girls are lovely, we're so fine

Rah

And we came to rah

[MAN] Go on, number two!

Theta

Theta

Theta

Theta

Eighth wonder of the world

Is a Theta girl

[SINGS] He parted the sea

[ALL SING] When he made me

Red, black, and gold

Deep down in my soul

Theta Chi Phi

You already know

[ALL] Hmm...

[ALL CONTINUE HUMMING]

Sah!

Mmm, ska!

Ska!

Ska!

[MALE ANNOUNCER] Alright.

Zeta Rho Nu's up next.

Zeta Rho Nu, take to the stage.

Damn, girl!

Looked like a sniper hit you.

- Oh, God. That was so embarrassing.

- I'm a Theta now.

- I don't care what people think.

- Exactly. You're a Theta now.

Start caring.

Jamilah! Oh! What's up, girl?

[BOTH LAUGH]

- Worlds mixing, head spinning.

- I know, right?

Oh, Beth, this is... This is Aisha.

- Hi.

- Hi.

And Cheryl, one of our neos.

Neo is short for "neophyte."

It means she just crossed.

Ooh, crossed what?

Crossed the burning sands.

Oh!

So, you're like a Theta for real now.

Like for real, for real.

Mazel tov, neo. That show was...

Fine for exhibition.

They've got to step it up for competition.

We will. Alright, look,

I've got to say hi to somebody, OK?

What?

I do not choreograph all that dopeness

so heifers can perform it mediocrely.

What's Theta's motto?

"Perfection over excellence,

sister over self."

- Exactly.

- [AISHA] I get it.

But let a sister have her moment.

Don't be a Theta-hater. OK?

My house would have been a murder scene

if our sorority tried to work

together like that.

Yeah, well, Thetas,

we don't F around with stepping.

No, you don't.

Stepping is like African dance

meets hip-hop...

Three words.

Stomp the Yard.

You think I'd miss a movie

with a bunch of shirtless black men

and Chris Brown getting shot?

[BETH LAUGHS]

How do you two know each other?

I was Beth's TA.

Ouch!

Or friend.

TAs don't bail you out of jail

after a fake ID bust.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got to go holler at a brother or two.

Bye!

Bye.

[MESSAGE TONE]

Damn, girl.

Your man cooks dinner for you,

and you're going to Harvard Law together?

[GROANS] I need to get on your life track.

Dane got into Harvard early.

My application is in. I just need

to get my parents' recommendation.

It's just a formality.

I'll definitely get in. I'm a legacy.

And, well...

I'm me.

Girl, bye.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, oh, Zeta Nu, oh, oh

Yoo-hoo!

[DANE] Is that the ebony to my ivory?

You know it is.

- Hey.

- Ooh, what are you making?

Something special.

Why don't you let it simmer

and give me what I'm really hungry for?

- Babe...

- Sexy, dirty, big...

[COUGHING]

[JAMILAH] Mom! Dad!

Hey.

Isn't this a great surprise?

Like Pearl Harbor.

So, who died?

You guys only surprise me with bad news.

You did it

with the last two dead relatives.

If I do say so myself, I put my

whole entire foot up in this gumbo.

Dane, we love you

like a rescue puppy.

You do realize that

you're Mayflower white, right?

- Country-club-brochure white?

- [DANE] Yes.

I hate that I'm lumped in with my brutal,

imperialist, plutocratic white brethren

who have committed every modern atrocity

on a macro-systemic level.

We know. You're an African American

Studies and Poli-Sci major.

All great prep for Harvard.

God, I can't wait.

Matching law degrees.

We're gonna change the world.

Aw. Reminds me of when

we were at Harvard.

We all wanted to change the world.

And it is a shame that the one of us

that has the power to do it...

Here we go.

...is a sinewy, self-aggrandizing ham.

Yvonne had a little rivalry

with a certain former first lady.

Mom, seriously...

Who has beef with Michelle Obama?

That heifer...

That heifer stole my internship.

If you were more driven,

you would understand

just how devastating that is.

Who needs drive when I inherited

your natural brilliance, Mom.

And thighs.

- Enough.

- Take the good with the bad.

Oh, I deserve credit

for not mentioning that.

She adorns the walls with paintings

by mental patients.

Yvonne!

I'll tell that to the 12-year-olds from

the community center who painted them,

Mother.

You...

I deserve credit. My grades are tight.

I was chapter president of our sorority.

I love it here at Westcott.

I'm doing fine.

Harvard will not be possible

with transcripts that are just "fine."

I'm a legacy. Hello!

That's like automatic admission.

[JAMILAH SCOFFS]

Jamilah, we came here today to tell you

that we will not be giving you

our legacy endorsement for Harvard.

We had an agreement.

If you earned a 4.0 GPA,

we would give you

the letter of recommendation.

Dad!

Sorry, I have to live with her.

It's more important

that you build your own legacy,

not inherit ours.

Sweetheart,

we don't want to give you a fish.

We want to teach you to fish.

Speaking of fish,

the halibut in this gumbo is on fleek!

What is fleek?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[DEAN BERMAN YELLS] Bishop!

What's up, player?

You're a little jumpy this morning.

Just...

hadn't had my coffee yet, but...

Dean Berman?

You're a Harvard alum, right?

Yep. They gave me a great education

and a husband.

Nick was a studly, closeted lacrosse star.

He'd sneak into my room,

and with the passion of ten sailors...

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Such a good story. It reminds me of

when we talked about the boundaries.

Boundaries. Right, right.

You know what?

Harvard is my top choice for law school.

I could actually really use

an alumni recommendation.

Aren't your parents alums?

Um...

Yes. But "legacy" -

that's just a fancy word for nepotism.

Home is where the Harvard is.

I just made that up.

[WHISPERS] Home is where the Harvard is.

Oh, my, my

Look at it, girl

Just touch down

Add it to the show

I'm not phased

Because we're in another city

But I swear to God...

[BETH] Hey, girl!

Jumpy Jam.

You know what calms me down?

Is there something?

Weed, Billie Holiday,

Grand Theft Auto...

Oh, and tickling my man

in the rowboat.

You know what I mean?

I have no idea what you mean.

What's wrong?

My dad and my bougie egg donor

are in town.

- Oh.

- Fricking killing me.

I need, like, all the drinks.

Well, SBB is having a party tonight.

I know you think white sororities

are beer-soaked brothels

with less sisterhood

than an honor stoning.

Yeah.

But if you're just trying

to drown your sorrows...

come to my beer-soaked brothel.

["SHAKE MY BODY"

BY MICHELLE DELAMOR PLAYING]

Shake my body

Shake my body

[ALL CHANTING] Chug.

[SHOUTING] Is that a twerk pyramid?

[BETH] Yes!

Nectar of the gods, ladies?

Yep!

Are you gonna get "white girl" wasted?

Hate this song!

[BETH SQUEALS EXCITEDLY]

Yes!

Yeah. Hey!

The next one's a neck shot, douche.

Amber, this is my girl, Jamilah.

Amber is the only one in SBB

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