Steve Jobs: The Man in the Machine Page #5

you'll want to change life

and make it better

cos it's kind of messed up

in a lot of ways.

Once you learn that,

you'll never be the same again.

Just be here.

Don't judge, don't try,

don't stop, don't start. Just be here.

It's all just enough.

It's enough to know that I love you.

Steve and I met two weeks into

our freshman year at Reed College.

We had both happened to buy

"Be Here Now."

And it was such an unusual book.

I just wanted...

I was carrying it around

and wanted somebody to talk to about it,

and Steve was the one person

who also had read it.

When we went to India,

we were looking for

remarkable experiences.

We didn't have a guru.

We didn't have a particular school.

And so we traveled around

for four months.

Had some interesting experiences.

No major enlightenment experiences.

Steve's quote later was,

"We had figured out that

we weren't going to meet somebody

who was going to make us enlightened."

If you think about Hindu spirituality,

you think of Mother Teresa

feeding the poor.

That's not really the path

that Steve took.

Those weren't Steve's values.

It was the next year,

after India,

when he connected

with the Zen Center in Los Altos.

Zen is about clarity,

simplicity, cleanliness.

Ending the duality of your ego

and simplifying your life.

And that really appealed to Steve.

It's based on taking off

and creating something for yourself.

You know, giving life to your own life

in whatever way you wish to do it.

At the time

he was starting Apple,

Steve was very actively looking

for a mentor.

Kobun Chino would

become Jobs's spiritual advisor.

Kobun encouraged Jobs

not to retreat into a monastery,

but instead to find Zen

in his life and work.

But they would argue

over the path to enlightenment.

Steve always says, "Make me monk.

Please make me monk."

I say, "Not until proof."

When I was living in California,

23 years ago...

Midnight...

I answered the doorbell and there he is.

18 years old, he was.

And he wanted to see me.

And I looked into his eyes, and...

They looked terrible,

but he is not crazy.

I must talk with him.

I took him for a walk

through the downtown of Los Altos.

All stores closed.

One bar called The Teacup was open.

We sat down at the counter.

I had Irish coffee and he had juice.

After sipping, he started to talk.

He said, "I feel I'm enlightened."

"I don't know what to do with this."

That's wonderful.

That is very wonderful.

I need proof of it.

A week later he came back

with a little metal sheet in his hand.

Many things were going,

wires going around...

I didn't know what it was.

It was a chip of a personal computer.

He said, "I designed it.

My friend Woz helped me."

"This is called Lisa."

"I named it Lisa."

Which is the name of his daughter.

That was the origin of Apple Computer.

And I'm still not quite sure

that was a true proof or not.

He's brilliant, but too smart, I think.

When you broke the Lisa story,

why was that important?

There was a computer called "Lisa."

And everybody wondered

who the computer was named after.

I didn't choose

to name the computer "Lisa."

I was obviously curious

about why it was named "Lisa".

Fair or unfair, I think that was,

to me,

that was a germane part of the story.

With your mercury mouth

In the missionary times

And your eyes like smoke

I was 17, sitting in the quad.

Early spring,

warm and cold at the same time.

And I look over, and there's

this guy I have never seen.

I've been there for three years.

I can't believe how gorgeous he is.

And he starts to walk out of the quad,

and I followed him

cos I thought,

"I've got to introduce myself to him."

And I'm going, "What do I say?"

I had no idea what to say.

A few months later,

I was working on a film.

We worked all night long,

and he walks up out of the dark.

He was confident and awkward.

He was a study in contrasts.

And he had jeans on that drooped

because they had so many holes in them.

And he was very intentional,

very intense.

And then he handed me a poem

by Bob Dylan.

"Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands."

He would re-write Dylan's songs

to fit his life.

And then he... he just scanned the quad

and the darkness

that went over his face...

The edge, the worry,

the dissonance, was shocking to me.

And I was young enough where I thought,

"Did I say something wrong?"

But later I realized

that wasn't what it was.

That was part of who he was.

And I mean, that was one of the things

that I was attracted to,

is that he had a lot going on

inside him.

Steve was a romantic,

and he really loved Chrisann.

I think she was

a seductive force in his life,

and there was a part of Steve

that didn't want to push that away.

But the main thing in Steve's life,

number one,

was getting Apple off the ground.

And he just really could not focus

on anything else.

I came out in June of '77,

and the three of us went

and rented a house in Cupertino.

Apple is beginning.

Steve and I are falling in love again.

But we're going back and forth

big time now.

It's just like I'm insecure

because he's so unkind,

and then we connect.

But I don't know how to handle

how fast Steve's mind is

and how fast

he throws negative stuff at me.

And by the time I figure out,

"I've got to get out of here..."

Um...

"This is not working."

Um... "I don't want to be in their club,

Daniel's or just even with Steve."

"It's just not working."

That's when I got pregnant.

What happened when

you told Steve that you were pregnant?

Um...

I told Steve in the dining room.

Steve's jaw clenched.

And searing anger...

And he runs out the door,

kind of like a teenager,

slams the door.

She got pregnant.

And Steve just was, "Not... not...

not me."

"It's not me. It's not me," right?

Even though that was not

a reasonable thing to say.

After Lisa was born,

Steve came up three days later.

And we're sitting in a field,

and he...

We're like, trying to negotiate...

...what name we both feel good about

for her.

He knows he's the father.

He comes with the idea

of wanting to call her Claire,

and I don't want Claire because

it's too much like Clara,

his mother's name.

So, we're looking through the book,

and we're thinking

and going back and forth,

trying different names,

and finally I go, "Lisa!"

He said, "Yeah!"

We both loved that name.

But later I realized he wanted

to name a line of computers

or the next computer

the "Claire."

I only knew this later.

He went back to Apple

and changed it to the "Lisa."

It says a lot about somebody

that they would have the wit,

the imagination, the audacity,

to name a computer in the fashion

that Steve named this

and believe that you're going to

be able to get away with it.

That is the sort

of very telling anecdote

that helps illuminate

somebody's personality.

My biological mother was

a young, unwed graduate student,

and she decided

to put me up for adoption.

So, everything was all set

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