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Steve Rannazzisi: Breaking Dad Page #6
- Year:
- 2015
- 70 min
- 47 Views
you say, man? What?"
Like, just, like, "Oh, man.
Bam!"
All I'm saying is,
somewhere there's 30 minutes
of surveillance footage
of me auditioning
they're not making, guys.
He's got a backpack
filled with guns,
all these guns.
He's got buddies with him,
their guns,
all the bullets and sh*t.
And I'm, like, trying
to cheat off them,
like looking at--"Oh, sh*t,
that's how--okay."
But nobody has fired
a bullet yet, okay?
That's the important thing
to remember.
No one's shot anything.
So in my mind,
this is something
we're all gonna start together.
You know, like,
someone's gonna come out
and be like, "Hey, guys, welcome
to Jim's Shoot Shack.
"Let's shoot 'em straight
and be safe, everybody.
Here we go."
Yeah, because in my mind--
look, my frame of reference
for this whole thing
is the last time I shot
anything in my life,
I sat there
and then a bell went off
and I fired it
and water came out.
It went into a clown's mouth,
a balloon blew up,
and then a bell went off
and someone won a stuffed frog.
That's how you knew
when it was over.
That's not what happens
at these gun ranges.
and the guy next to me
fires off
what I still believe to this day
was a land-to-air missile
launcher.
It was.
I don't know this [bleep]
got it in there.
I don't know how he assembled it
with no one else looking.
But it was the loudest sound
I had ever heard in my life,
just "boom!"
And I, in the most effeminate
way humanly possible,
just went, "Yee-ahhhhhh!"
And I threw the gun,
the clip, the bullets.
Yard sale.
Half off everything.
People heard my shrills,
they ripped
their ear protection off,
and they looked at me like
I just shot myself in the face
with a handgun.
Everybody's staring at me,
and now I'm so self-conscious.
I'm on the ground,
trying to pick bullets up
and put them back into my box
like a little kid
on an Easter egg hunt.
I'm look, "Oop, there's
another bullet over here.
I just want--excuse me."
Yeah, people are shooting,
"Boom, boom."
I'm like, "Oh, can I just
get in here for a second?
Just gonna get my bullets."
Finally, the guy next to me
just grabs me.
He's like, "Dude, dude,
come here. No.
"You don't get any more bullets,
okay?
"This sh*t is over, donezo.
"You get one bullet.
You have one in your chamber.
Just shoot the one
that's in your chamber."
And I was like, "Fine.
[bleep] it.
I can do that."
So I put the gun out,
right to the side,
just like I was taught.
And the guy tried to correct me.
I was like,
"Dude, I know what the [bleep]
I'm doing, all right?
Just leave me alone."
And I was like, "Here's looking
at you, kid."
"Pkoo," I shot the bullet
four feet,
directly into the ground,
put the gun down, walked out,
and got day-drunk
at the T.G.I. Friday's
for the third time.
[cheers and applause]
Thank you guys very much.
[cheers and applause]
Thank you all very, very much.
I really couldn't have done it
with you, Boston.
You guys are fantastic.
Thanks for coming out tonight,
everybody.
Thank you, guys.
Good night!
[cheers and applause]
Real quick,
do you guys want to meet
the real stars of the show
for one second?
My two kids?
Hold on.
[cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
This is Jackson.
Say hi, Jackson.
Hi, Jackson!
No, not "hi, Jackson."
Perfect.
This is Jonah.
Say hi, Jonah.
- Hi, Jonah.
- Hi, Jonah.
And this is the prostitute
I hired for the night, guys.
She's really pretty.
Thank you, guys.
We had a great time in Boston.
We love all of you.
We'll be back real soon.
You guys are fantastic.
Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
(man)
Your brains, madam.
[light bulb buzzing]
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"Steve Rannazzisi: Breaking Dad" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/steve_rannazzisi:_breaking_dad_18884>.
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