Storm in a Teacup

Baikie West Coast of Scotland

Is this for the carrier?

No, I am expecting a car.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

I don't seem to be.

What's it now?

What are you crying for?

Get up, please!

What do you mean?

Who are you?

Get up!

Turn around a minute.

You don't want this. Do you?

Anyway, it isn't yours.

Disgusting!

There you are, Mary darling!

The lady is quite finished with it.

Would you like some spit?

No thank you.

Nothing I can do?

Well, you can take this

to the end of the pier.

What, all of them?

Oh, never mind, don't trouble.

Paris-London.

Paris-London.

Paris-London.

You've been to Paris.

Yes.

- Doing what?

- Finishing school.

Ha, ha...

Finished being finished?

- Yes!

- Good!

Your penny, please!

- My what?

- Your penny landing fee!

- But I've landed!

- Your penny, please!

The... Gentleman

there has my luggage.

Very good, Miss.

Come on, move!

Will you please observe... I have no hand

to pick up my pouch?

What are you doing with this?

Why, I'm Miss Victoria's driver.

Oh, I see!

No, that's is mine!

Here you are!

- Miss Victoria?

- Ay.

Victoria?

That's a grand name!

- Oh, come on, please!

- We want to pass!

Hey!

Honoria Hegarty...

Open in the name of law!

And no nonsenses here!

Looks like we've to effect an entry.

Ay, looks like one of us has

to effect an entry.

Look what you're doing, man!

Will you confine your

operations to the door?

Stop it now!

Would you have me house in ruins

and me and Patsy in the midst of them?

Ay, it's Patsy we are after.

Bring him up, and let him come quite.

He's nothing of the sort

"come quiet".

Then I'll break the door down.

Now, just you try it.

One!

Two!

Three!

You're obstructing the law?

It's the law's obstructing me!

The law wants to get him!

And what's he done?

And him as innocent as a newborn angel!

You should have paid the license!

License is it?

If a grand big country like this...

Is needing 7 shillings and 6 p.

From the likes of me...

It's time it gets on the dole

the same as the rest of us.

Oh man, dear!

It's not the license money!

It's the fine!

Five pounds!

Ay, for persistent infringement.

Where would the like of me

get five pounds?

Standing next to naked

in the dead of summer...

With the wind whistling down

from the North Pole, and me...

Trying to sell ice cream

for a bunch of frozen customers.

Patsy!

Get him down!

Come on, Patsy.

Well, well!

Give me back me dog!

Patsy!

- Let me take it!

- You should have paid the fee!

You've had enough, riff-raff?

Will you disperse and go

to your business!

You've great want of shame, Sergeant!

The girl is for sanatorium!

Why aren't you using your guns?

Evil, that's what it is!

It's massacre.

I'll have the law deal with you!

Patsy, me lovely Patsy!

- Well, who are you?

- I am Maggie.

- Where's Jessie?

- She left!

- You'll be Miss Victoria?

- Yes.

I'm sorry, I can't help it.

Oh, it's OK by me!

That's a relief.

- Where is the Provost?

- He's dead busy.

And what's all this?

A football match?

Politics, he's in there with

Baillie Callender.

I see.

Go and unpack my things, will you?

OK.

And don't say OK.

Right-o.

Oh, and tell me!

Why did Jessie leave?

Oh, she didn't approve!

Citizens of Baikie, in full confidence

of your loyalty...

I, your Provost, invite your presence

at my inaugural meeting...

At the Town Hall, Baikie,

on Friday next.

Signed, William Gow.

Good edit, Callender?

Ay... A bit personal.

That's it, don't you see?

Psychology.

Oh, psychology.

Loyalty! That's a fine word,

they can't resist it.

Hello, Vickie!

- My dear!

- Father!

Oh it's good to see you again!

How are you Baillie?

Man, but you've turned

into a great madam!

Changed a lot since

you fell in my pig sty.

Yes, yes, don't bother

about pigsties now...

We got to get to that council meeting.

Talking of meetings,

you might have met me at the pier.

I'm sorry about that, Vickie, but it was

absolutely impossible.

Your father's a busy man,

there's great things forthcoming.

I'm... I'm standing for Parliament, Vickie.

I know that.

I have seen a few posters.

But you don't know why I'm standing.

You see, Vickie.

These are exceptional times.

And such times require

exceptional measures.

And exceptional men.

Hear, hear.

Being Provost of Baikie

is all very well in it's way, but...

Could you do that, Callender?

Yes.

I've done my best for the place,

tried to keep it up to date.

I've built them a new Town Hall,

a new swimming pool...

The most elaborate

public conveniences...

A curbside for the tourists.

I hope you haven't spoiled Baikie, father.

They said in the Advertiser, that I'm

the best administrator in the country.

I'm sure you're a great success.

I should be.

I work hard enough.

Tomorrow I'm opening the

Croy Cattle Show...

And I've my big election

meeting at night...

And the day after... Now this is strictly

confidential, Vickie...

Lord Skerryvore is coming.

Who is Lord Skerryvore?

Why, the leader of the

Party, of course.

You look that he comes

to see the Provost...

The Provost doesn't go to see him!

Well...

He knows I have the

Caledonia League behind me.

And it's not Baikie: All of Scotland.

But Scotsmen all over the Empire.

Ay, it's a big thing, a grand big thing.

There's no saying how big it may be.

If I pull this off,

the time may come...

when I shall be listened to by whole world!

The profession of journalism

is an honourable one.

What?

The profession of journalism

is honourable!

Oh! Oh yes, yes.

I have nothing to be ashamed of

in the conduct of my paper.

What?

I have nothing to be ashamed of...

Oh, good.

Nothing sensational ever

enters my columns.

Why not?

I said...

- Sit down!

- Yes.

- Oh no, not there. Over there.

- Sorry.

Mr. Burdon...

You've joined the most wide read paper

on the West Coast.

So it was bound to be.

Will you have a cigarette?

No smoking in hours!

Mr. Burdon...

A reporter of the Advertiser has a

position of very great trust.

Now, I'm on to Manchester tonight

but unfortunately my sub-editor is in bed.

I'm sorry, what's the trouble?

- He's got lumbago.

- Ah.

But the point is, I promised our Provost

a page in tomorrow's issue.

And you'll have to take the interview

and see it to the press.

Now, can you do that Burdon?

No smoking!

Yes, of course.

Yes, what's the...

what's the article about?

Well, Provost Gaw is

standing for the new Party.

What's new about it?

For one thing, Scotland for the Scottish.

Oh, does somebody else want it?

That'll do, Burdon.

Mrs. Skirving.

Horace, we'll miss that train!

Well, I'm waiting for you.

Oh, Mr Burdon, my wife.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

Well, you can't expect the Colonel's lady

to extend her manners to me.

I beg your pardon?

Well, away over to Town Hall

to get the interview with the Provost.

Yes!

The Town Hall is that

ghastly building, isn't it?

I'll have you know the Provost built it!

Oh...

Then I'll take

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