Storm in a Teacup Page #8

- God bless you, Your Honour.

And Her Ladyship...

If so be there's such a lucky woman...

As to be wed to Your Holiness.

Michael Cassidy.

From his rump to his

shoulders is a sheepdog...

But he got the muzzle of a Cheshire

and the ears of cocker spaniel.

But the expression is

of an Irish terrier...

And he's holding the

tail like a Pomeranian.

And he's got the sad,

noble eyes of a poodle.

In fact he's not so much a dog...

But a summary of all the dogs that ever

roamed these lands on four legs.

- And what's he worth?

- Six shillings and eight pence.

My lord...

What has this to do with the case?

I'm establishing motives

by a process of elimination.

Must you eliminate the entire population of

the British Isles and the Irish Free State?

My lord, I object to this witness.

I don't.

- What did you say?

- I said I've no objection.

- Are you going to keep quiet?

- Fairly, not altogether.

- I'll abandon the case.

- Good.

Really! My Lord!

Now, now, Mr. Burdon, you mustn't speak

like that, you know?

I realize you're a very young man.

And indeed I sometimes fail to fathom

the younger generation.

It seems to have no balance, no stability.

What with swing music,

automatic gambling machines...

And the encouragement given to idleness and lose

living by the British Broadcasting Corporation.

What are you laughing, Mr. Menzies?

Was I laughing, my lord?

You made a sort of gesture

with your features...

That I've always taken as an

expression of amusement.

I'm unaware of anything amusing

in what I'm saying.

I hardly referred to your words, my lord.

Perhaps you'll refrain from sniggering until you find

yourself in a more suitable place for that exercise.

With all respect, Your Lordship misapprehended

the exact nature of the gesture...

As to which Your Lordship

was pleased to refer.

The matter is that I...

I was stifling an insistent yawn.

Indeed, Mr. Menzies?

Perhaps Your Lordship will now revise your pronouncement

as to the suitable place for that exercise.

If you wish me, Mr. Menzies, to recount the

uses for which this place is suitable...

I'm quite prepared to do so.

For one thing it is suitable for the exercise

of your undoubted talent as defending council.

Talent which I may remark I have not observed to

be conspicuously employed on this particular case.

My lord...

Your Lordship's opinion of

my poor capabilities...

Expressed as I may say in all sincerity with the terseness

and clarity that are the credit to the Scottish bar...

Has left me with no alternatives

than to withdraw from the case.

I have been grievously insulted.

Good Morning!

But Mr. Menzies...

Silence!

And now, my lord, may I defend myself?

Well, I can't stop you.

You may leave the dock

and get close to your solicitor.

- Do you think that will hurt...

- On behalf of the FFFFF...

Don't spit at me, sir!

- But you see...

- I don't want to hear another word.

- What happened?

- Willie, Burdon's defending himself!

What?

They have adjourned while the fool

consults his solicitor.

I'm delighted to hear it!

- Hello!

- Hello.

- Vickie!

- Nice of you to pop in.

I thought you didn't want to see me again.

- This is a public court, isn't it?

- So you've come to see me hanged.

It looks like it.

You seem determined to

throw away your case.

It's my case isn't it?

Don't be a fool, Frank.

Do I hear you call me Frank?

Here, here, you can't talk to a witness

for the prosecution.

Are you a witness?

- Well, yes I am, but...

- I see that your father has dragged you into it now!

Don't see things like that!

I can't help it and I've been

called by the Crown and I...

I understand, you're entitled

to say and do exactly what you like.

Mr. Burdon I've been looking

for you everywhere.

Now, do you know what to do?

I know what to do all right!

Father...

I beg you, don't go on with this case...

What?

Of course I shall go on with it!

In the case I wont, it isn't my case,

but the Crown will.

The court is in session!

The law has been set in motion

and the law must operate.

I intend to be vindicated!

But father, you must listen to me!

Don't take any notice of her, Willie.

William Gow!

William Gow!

No, no.

Oh, Mr. Skirving, can you help me?

I must get into the Court and they

won't let me in because I'm witness.

Oh, I see.

I'll just keep them busy and you slink in.

- Oh, thank you.

- Victoria, listen...

Don't think too hardly of Lisbeth.

- I won't.

- Donald!

Yes, sir?

How are you keeping?

- Oh, bonnie man, bonnie!

- Fine, fine!

Tell me, how is that wee daughter of yours,

getting on with the ballet dancing?

Oh, mighty grand, she's just a picture!

In short, you've the strongest

reason to believe...

That you've been the victim of deliberate

and persistent persecution.

- Absolutely!

- Thank you.

Mr. Burdon, do you to cross-examine?

I'll say I do.

Silence!

Now, Mr. Gow...

When did this so-called persecution start?

The night you organized a pack of hooligans

to break up my meeting.

Oh, no, no, before that.

What about my article, wasn't that

part of the persecution?

- Certainly it was.

- Then I'll ask you again.

When did the persecution start?

I suppose you want me to say when

Mrs. Hegarty came to my house.

Exactly.

She came to you very distracted.

No doubt. But she didn't take her grievance

to the proper quarter.

Didn't she?

Weren't you the Provost,

the father of his people?

Yes, but if I happen to be distressed by...

a burst pipe line...

I don't take my distress

to the Prime Minister.

I'd get a plumber, in a manner

of speaking, my lord.

Well, in a manner of speaking, sir...

Mrs. Hegarty has probably thought

you were the plumber.

Mr. Burdon.

Silence!

So you were surprised the day after Mrs. Hegarty's

visit, when your meeting refused to listen to you.

Nothing surprises me in Baikie.

So they didn't surprise you they dished a

strong line with a chanting of humbug hoots.

My lord, I object.

Mr. Burdon, I oft had to warn you that this

sort of thing is impacting very unfavourably.

Very unfavourably indeed.

Go on.

So you vented your annoyance

on a poor woman and her dog.

- You took her barrow.

- I did nothing of the sort!

- As for being a poor woman...

- You took her barrow.

She seems to have done very well out of it.

That isn't slander of her, Mr. Gow?

Hear, why do you suppose the whole town

turned against you all of a sudden?

Because you deliberately pitched yourself

to make trouble.

What do you suppose my motive

was for that?

How should I know?

Self-advertisement, I should think.

I did it because I'm an

ordinary sort of man.

When I see a bully and coward...

Behave yourself Mr, Burdon,

you're throwing over your case.

I'm trying to get out the truth!

Why can't he be a man?

Why do you go sneaking on persecuting

widows and little mongrel dogs?

- My lord, I object.

- For your own sake, control yourself.

I'll stand up to anyone

who hits above the belt.

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