Strange Bedfellows

[Bouncy instrumental music]

[Lively music]

[Horn honks]

Just leave the keys

in it, Stan!

Right!

[Tires screeching]

You mssed him, Vonnie.

Ah, well.

Not to worry, Ralph.

I'll get him.

Morning, Ralph.

You should learn

to relax, Fred.

I just thought

I'd better make sure

these silly buggers

didn't kill themselves.

Don't pull on it!

Let go of it, then.

(Ralph)

You're doing

a great job, mate.

(man)

Let me do it.

(man)

Do it yourself, then.

[Sighs]

Bloody women.

(man)

Hey, Vincie.

Yeah.

B*tch!

You look happy, Vince.

Did you win the lottery?

Cow.

Vincent.

Hey, Father.

Ooh, Vincent, looks like

being a beautiful day.

Yeah.

Ralph?

(Ralph)

G'day, Vincie.

Well, mate, she's really

shafted me this time.

Ah, the wife again, eh?

Ex-wife, as she's only

too quick to point out.

Look what I found

in my post office box

this morning.

Just tell me, mate.

I promsed Dan the Man

I'd have this fixed

by lunchtime.

It's a letter

from that shonky

city accountant of hers.

I knew they had

some scheme going,

some ncome average

and off-bloody-shore thing.

I don't know;

I just went along with it.

Now the chickens

are comng home to roost,

and they owe years

in back taxes.

Fantastic, mate.

She had it comng to her.

She has nothing

comng to her.

I do.

How come?

I don't know how they did it.

I just signed whatever

they put in front of me.

I mean, she was me wife;

I trusted her.

Pity she didn't feel

the same way about you.

Well, I thought she did

when they insisted that all

the companies be in my name

so on paper,

it looks like I've earned

all this bloody money.

Well, obviously,

you didn't.

No, mate.

She got the money;

I get the tax.

Now the bloody tax department's

comng after me.

Gee, Vincie.

I mean, it wasn't like

she didn't do well

out of the divorce.

I mean, she took

virtually everything

with her when she left.

Yeah, but then

it was all hers

in the first place,

wasn't it?

Well, yeah, but it was

a partnership.

She had the capital;

I provided

the professional expertise.

Yeah, well, at least

she left you

the picture theater.

Yeah, lucky me.

More trouble

than it's worth.

Why not sell it, then?

Sell me theater?

It's the only bloody thing

I've got left in the world.

Won't even have that

if I get socked

with this tax bill.

I'm not kidding, mate.

Things keep going like this,

I won't see the year out.

Join the club.

You're doing okay.

Oh, I got plenty

to work on.

But, you know.

Mate, you got to start

charging the going rate.

Stop letting people

put it on the slate.

We're not the only ones

doing it tough, you know.

How's it going?

Oh, she's done, mate.

The carbie was running

a bit lean.

What do I owe you?

Oh, don't worry about it;

it only took five mnutes.

Get off me!

Get off me!

Can't you two keep

your hands off each other?

Pair of pansies.

I'll drop you around

some tomatoes later.

Yeah, mate.

T omatoes.

[Tapping]

Can I have

your attention, please?

Mr. Coulston.

Mr. Quirk.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen,

distinguished guests,

Father Delaney,

Counselor Rogers.

Feel free to get

on with it, love.

As you are all well-aware,

the Firemen's Ball

and the St. Patrick's

Women's Auxiliary Ball

are usually held

at different times.

[Muttering]

There's a reason for that.

(woman)

But this year,

we've decided

to combine the two.

(Ralph)

They felt the firies

were having too much fun.

(woman)

So...

Father Delaney

and his Ladies' Commttee

will be in charge

of organizing the catering.

Does it involve loaves

and fishes, Father?

Mr. Williams.

In the unlikely event

that you actually have

something worthwhile to add,

would you please

raise your hand

and not just interject?

Mr. Coulston.

Yourself and the fire brigade

will be responsible

for ticket production

and sales.

Sorry, Faith.

I think Ralph has

something to add.

(Quirk)

Loser.

(Coulston)

Idiot.

You weren't up

to your usual form, mate.

(Faith)

Now, is everyone clear

as to who's doing what?

Well, we certainly know

who's doing all the talking.

Mr. Hopgood,

you and Mr. Williams

just make sure

you've got the old fire truck

right for the night.

No worries,

Faith.

You boys

are wicked.

I'd better go

and milk the moo cows.

Those bawdy calves

you gave me

are going well, Stan.

(Stan)

Good, good.

You got a show tonight?

Well, have a good one.

Yeah.

Maybe things will look better

in the morning.

Yeah, let's hope so.

[Sighs]

[Characters talking faintly]

Morning, Shirley.

Hello, Emily.

See you on Sunday.

(woman)

It's Nubler.

He just throws the mailbag

onto the veranda

with no respect at all

for the contents.

Here we are, Jack.

That's $6.75,

thank you.

Here you go.

I'll keep an eye out.

I might catch him speeding.

Thanks, love.

Do you want

to post that, Father?

I certainly do, my dear.

By the way, Yvonne,

Gloria Murphy

dropped me a line

from Paris

about her trip.

And she's sending me

some holy water from Lourdes,

God bless her soul,

for my arthritis.

Do you think you could keep

an eye out for it?

(Yvonne)

Of course, Father.

I'll be with you

in a mnute, Vince.

Oh, no hurry,

Vonnie.

Hi, Jack.

Hey, Vince.

Father.

Vincent.

(Jack)

I suppose you'll be

putting us to shame

at the ball as usual, Father.

(Delaney)

Oh, get out, Jack.

It's the only dancing

I get these days.

(Jack)

I noticed the banner

went up yesterday.

Should bring

a few people in.

Hey, Vincie?

Yeah.

Money's on the counter,

Vonnie.

I've got it, Ralph.

I have got it.

(Ralph)

Got what?

The answer.

What's the question?

You know, me tax problem.

Look at this.

The government's

just passed this bill.

(Ralph)

Politics.

You know I don't vote.

Yeah, but you do know

there's an election

this year, right?

Yeah, I know.

I just don't care.

Yeah, well, it says here

this one's going to be

a real neck-and-neck race.

Yeah, why would you vote?

A politician

might get in.

Can you just listen?

They reckon it'll be so close,

it'll come down

to who can win

a majority of the gay vote.

Gay?

Yeah, shirt lifters,

them that bat

for the other team,

poofters.

Geez, eh?

I wouldn't have thought

there were that many of them.

Apparently enough

to swing the vote.

That's why both sides

are sucking up to them.

It's all about giving them

the same rights

as regular married couples.

So what's that got

to do with us?

Well, the opposition...

[horn honks]

Hey, Billy!

Well, the opposition

has promsed

to change the tax laws

if they get elected, right?

So the government's just

beat 'em to the punch.

Not only did they pass

the law;

they've made it

retrospective.

Oh.

Will you run that

by me again in English?

Well, it just means

that gay couples

can get all the rebates

of regular couples,

and they can claim them

for up to five years back.

If I can go back

to an earlier question,

what's it got to do

with us?

Mate, if I can get

those same tax breaks

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