Strictly Sexual Page #7

to that guy...

that would not take the beret off?

My God. the bathroom is in-between

our two bedrooms...

which is right next to this

little tiny living room.

So I'm ready

to come out and spit...

and there's like ten people

in the goddamned living room.

So I come out and my mouth's like

this 'caused it's all full of his cum.

And I come out and

everybody starts laughing.

And then I start to laugh...

and then everyone's jumping back

out of the way...

'cause they're like terrified I'm gonna

spit up right there on the carpet.

So I got running into the bathroom

and I spit out and...

I get a standing ovation.

That's disgusting. Ew!

Honey, you know

what I was just thinking?

- How adorable you are?

- No, I think pretty highly on myself...

but I ain't best described

as adorable.

No, I was thinking about

how we first met and all.

It's funny, I used to be

so choosey.

Like every girl I dates

had to have a perfect ass.

Joe and I used to argue

about it all the time.

If the girl had like

a big square man ass...

forget it. I couldn't do it.

And it's funny when I met you...

I was like, "This chick is hot-looking,

but what does her ass look like?

So we get naked

and we start f***ing...

And I'm like,

"Wow, this chick has a big ass!

But I'm diggin' it. It's great."

It's like you converted me.

Now I'm like all the black and Puerto

Rican guys I used to give sh*t to...

'cause they always went for the

big booty. I love big asses now.

It's weird how like your taste

could change like that.

How about how adorable you are?

Don't f***in' touch me. I cannot

believe you just told me I was fat.

I didn't say you were fat!

I said I love you no matter

what your body looks like.

Another sacrifice to the beer gods.

Man, Donna's making me insane.

Yep. Well, you're in love with her.

Yeah. Still, she's got

some mental problems.

Women just have

more emotions than we do.

And they don't think of all the things

they're thinking as mental problems.

That's just their

daily way of thinking.

And he repeats himself. I think

he's borderline schizophrenic.

We argue and I explain to him

how he's being ridiculous.

He admits it.

He apologizes for it and then he does

it again the very next day!

Well, what're you arguing about?

It just depends on what

you're fighting about.

It has nothing to do

with what you were fighting about.

She always gives me this

psycho-friggin'-logical bullshit...

I ain't in touch with my feelings.

After about an hour of yelling, I just

say, "Yeah, whatever. You're right".

And then the next day we have the

same argument like a bad rerun!

You're lucky.

Joe seems a lot more sensitive.

- He tries.

- Yeah, he tries.

Bro, just make it look like

you're trying. Don't say nothing.

At most just say, "I wish

I was more aware like you guys.

- But I'm still learning".

- He says that? That is so sweet!

And Stanny can be so great.

I mean, he really can.

And that's why it kills me

to get rejected like that.

What does she expect me to say?

I feel like saying to her...

"All those years shoveling concrete

I had a lot of shitty days.

Would've been really nice to just

lay on a couch on a doctor's office...

and talk about my feelings".

It ain't fair!

I worked so hard

to get to this point.

My therapist is so proud

of my progress.

But this whole relationship

is putting me in a tailspin.

You're not thinking of breaking up

with him, are you?

No! Well, thinking about it

but no, I mean...

we've come this far and

we should try and get through this.

You ever cry in front of her?

No.

You don't cry ever, do you?

No.

You ever cry in front of Donna?

Yeah, I suppose. This once.

And he cries.

- Really?

- He cries a lot, actually.

And more and more lately.

Joe doesn't cry

in front of you, huh?

Well, no.

Just take it in a notch, Stanny.

I know you, man, you don't let sh*t go.

- This chick could turn on you.

- No.

You kidding me?

This chick is crazy about me.

You really love her, don't you?

Joe, I never loved nothing

like I love that girl.

Joe is... he'll open up. He's the type

of guy who grows on you.

He's somebody you

fall in love with slowly.

Love him like a friend.

You don't say "I love you"

to each other?

- No! You don't say that to friends.

- Yes, you do. We do.

- I mean, you know I love you.

- I love you too!

- But guys don't say that as friends.

- You're right.

- Joe, I f***ing love you, man.

- I love you too, bro.

Christi Ann...

you gotta relax.

I want you to know something, okay?

Sex isn't about...

talking dirty or...

some silly new position.

It's about trust.

Do you trust me?

It's tender...

soft.

I'm gonna kiss you delicately.

If it makes sense, give it back.

This is going to be a great show.

Yeah, it is.

- You're amazing. Okay.

- Thank you.

This is insane!

I think you're gonna get backers.

I've gotten so many cards

I can't even keep track!

That's awesome.

- Do you know that guy over there?

- Mark.

He's like, "Come to Europe.

You know...

the fashion season's

just starting".

Like, he told me I could be making

a couple grand a day just doing this.

- Is he like for real or what?

- Well, he owns a modeling agency.

- He's for real.

- It was nice for him to say it and all...

but I don't know if he meant it,

you know?

Christi Ann. I want you to meet Arthur.

He's an editor from Vogue Magazine.

Love your show, very elegant.

Nikki, you don't care about fashion.

You're just here for the

party afterwards.

How can you blame me?

You always seem to have...

the most entertaining guests.

I'm sure he's already

told you ladies...

but Nikki sold his first

screenplay last year.

And now he's in production

on his next film.

Congratulations.

Of course when I sell

one of my scripts...

I'm gonna have to surround myself

with a bevy of beautiful men...

which I'll have to secretly blow

because I have a boyfriend.

You know...

you always have to talk about cock

and f***ing and it's really disgusting.

Excuse us.

I am trying to host a party here

so back the f*** off.

Okay, can you not

embarrass me, please?

Can not talk like that

in front of me?

Stop smoking that thing in my face.

I smoke wherever I want.

How do you like that?

You're drunk.

You're such an ass.

- Stanny, you won't believe this sh*t.

- I've figured it out. Relationships...

it's all about control. If you're

in control you don't get hurt.

'Cause everyone's afraid

of getting hurt.

I gotta tell you what this guy

was saying to me.

You know what?

These girls, they just own us.

It was never about sex.

It was about...

being able to give us sh*t

and we couldn't give sh*t back.

I know Donna can be shitty

at times but Christi Ann...

Yeah, yeah, she's more subtle at it.

You don't even realize you got

a leash around your neck.

You know what?

You ain't always right, Stanny.

You ain't always right about sh*t

and you're wrong about that girl.

Yeah, right. You're falling all over

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