Stroker Ace

1

Huh!

Hey, stroker, let's rest. I'm tired.

Sure, doc. Want some gum?

I guess so.

Howdy, boys!

Hi, dad. Hi, Mr. seegle.

Looks like y'all have

a little problem there.

Yeah. Could you give us a lift?

Sure enough. Get in.

What happened to your bike, son?

Ace tried to jump the gully.

I told him we couldn't make it.

You remember Ace, don't you, dad?

Uh-huh. Ain't you that kid that locked

that lady schoolteacher

in the outhouse?

Yes, sir.

And then turned it over?

Yes, sir.

Hey, boy, I need my mirror, now.

Dad runs shine.

Here comes seegle.

I've been waitin' to

nab him for a long time.

He's definitely got a load of shine.

Mm-mm. You boys, hold on.

I'm going to have to stand on it.

Ride!

Hey, stroker,

your hair looks real nice.

Yeah, I know.

Lugs, lean out further.

I'm going to make a turn.

The birthplace of speed--

The Daytona international

speedway in Florida.

Where in just a few moments,

the starting drivers

will battle at better

than 200 miles an hour

for upward of a million dollars.

He's only got 3 wheels!

Next, from Ashland, Ohio,

and the j.D. Stacy-pak,

number 2 buick--

Tim Richmond!

And driving out of

ellerbe, north Carolina,

in the Wyman-Gordon express...

Benny Parsons!

On the next row, inside,

in the 7-Eleven skoal bandit

from taylorsville, north Carolina,

here's Harry Gant!

Look out!

From grosse pointe, Michigan,

driving the four star whiskey entry,

Aubrey James!

On the pole, race fans,

with the fastest qualifying

effort of the week,

here he is--3-time

Nascar driving champion...

A guy, you can see,

who always makes a dynamic entrance,

ladies and gentlemen...

Stroker Ace!

Hi, stroker.

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention?

Ok, I got them up. You entertain them.

Well, you've done it again.

How's it going?

Well...

Hi.

Look. Your tail's bent.

Kind of unique, huh?

Same old sh*t, stroker.

I know you?

Yeah, you know me.

Nice to see you again.

Ah, hello. I love your patches.

In Talladega, you left me

to go get a loaf a bread.

Got to maintain my energy. Hi.

Hi.

I have to keep up my strength--hi.

Listen, after I win the race today,

let's get together for

a little kick-the-can.

Hey, stroker, we got a race to run.

Later. Woof!

I don't care what you say.

It won't be like last year.

I'll kick his ass.

You don't have to be on

Nascar 50 years to win.

Aubrey, forget about stroker Ace.

Race the pavement, not another driver.

You're obsessed with him.

Obsessed? You bet I am!

Didn't I just say that?

Check that out.

I'll eat his lunch.

Ok, I'm ready.

You are a bum!

You're nothing but trouble.

You think the world owes you a living.

Yes, sir, Mr. Coty.

Catty! Whatever.

It ain't gonna be like last year.

I hate to interrupt, Mr. Coty--

Catty! Whatever.

But stroker and I got

to talk about the race.

All right, I'll see you after the race.

But you work for me, see?

I am your boss! B-o-s-s!

Get your hand off the car.

Now, you go on out there,

and you win one for big "z" oil!

We're all pulling for you, stroker boy!

What a putz.

You have a good race.

Harry Gant!

Here comes chicken pit.

Lookin' righteous. Gonna win?

I'll let you know about 5:00.

Ready for Clyde Torkle's

name on your car?

I'll let you know. See you.

Hey, junior, give me a Jack!

Ready with the air bottle?

Aah!

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Stroker Ace, how you doing, boy?

Not now, Clyde.

I can't talk but just a minute.

Remember my chauffeur Arnold?

Talk to him.

Yeah, let's talk.

I hear you're having sponsor trouble.

No, I'm not having sponsor trouble.

Yes, you are, too.

Why don't you drive a Clyde Torkle

chicken pit special?

We'd be partners.

Me drive for you?

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

You want me to drive for you?

I couldn't do that!

Why not?

'Cause everybody loves me.

Everybody hates you.

I'm good-lookin'.

You're not that bad-lookin'.

My money looks good.

Don't lean on the car.

Nobody touches the car. Not ever.

Except you.

You can touch it anytime you want.

Lugs Harvey!

Best mechanic in America.

And you're the best, too.

Best in the Nascar. Yes, you are, too!

You either crash or win.

I like that.

Petty!

Come on, Arnold.

See you guys.

Go blow their doors off, stroker.

Can't you come up with

anything more original?

Well, that's what we always say.

I'll think about it.

Gentlemen, start your engines!

Well, the field begins

to roll down pit row,

and we're ready to go racing.

Go, ruddy!

The pace car drops down onto pit row.

Harold Kinder standing by,

holding them down as the green

is set to be unveiled.

Go, stroker! Go!

Go!

Hammer down, pistol cocked,

as these gladiators work

out of turn number 2,

moving down the back straightaway.

120,000 fried-chicken junkies,

and god knows how many

watchin' on television.

Kind of makes you

want to cry, doesn't it?

Arnold!

Oh, yeah. Whatever you say.

Come on, Arnold. Excuse me, honey.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Beat some of this traffic.

Mr. Torkle, the race just started.

Darlin', when my own car

is on that track,

I'll stay and watch the race.

But I can use my time better

gettin' to know my new employee...

Go get some dinner...

Get ourselves some champagne.

I don't drink.

No. You don't?

Why don't you?

I'm a Sunday school teacher.

That was on my resume.

Oh, yeah, sure. Of course.

Of course.

Lugs, who's driving number 10?

What are you talking about?

That's Aubrey James.

He's only been trying

to kill you for 2 years.

By the way, I already

got blisters on my hands.

If I'm gonna drive

this thing 500 more miles,

I'd have to be king Kong.

It shouldn't be any problem for you.

You both got the same IQ.

Very funny!

Oh! Aubrey James,

at the bottom of the racetrack,

cuts into Harry Gant's automobile!

Stroker Ace to the outside,

spinning wildly!

There's 5, 6, 7 automobiles,

slipping, sliding--

Into the wall!

He shortened that automobile

about 1 1/2 feet!

Stroker Ace in a major altercation

with Aubrey James and Harry Gant...

Brings out the first

caution of the day.

A send-tow vacation

down in turn number one!

I'm sure all of you stroker Ace fans

are wondering just how stroker is.

We'll get you a report

on he and the other drivers

as soon as possible

from down in turn one.

Who set up the car, drug addicts?

You just lost it.

I didn't lose it!

Number 10 made me eat wall.

Why? How do I look?

TV cameras.

Hey, Ken. Hey, Ken.

An early pedestrian here in the 500,

the well-known stroker Ace.

You walloped the wall. What happened?

One of the tires equalized, Kenny,

and shoved me into the wall.

You were fighting the car.

Handling problems?

Not true, Ken. When lugs sets up a car,

your mother could drive it.

Lugs Harvey, chief mechanic.

How about it?

If stroker can't drive a car,

nobody can.

Well, that's the story

from the veteran stroker Ace

and his venerable chief

mechanic lugs Harvey.

Just once--just once, I wish you guys

would tell us the real story!

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