Stroker Ace Page #2

Sh*t.

You wreck your race car,

your rental car, your hotel room.

Nobody's perfect.

Watch where you're goin'!

This car's in my name.

Yes, Mr. Coty.

Catty! You this far way, boy!

Just this far!

You want to lose big "z" oil,

stroke, old boy?

No, sir.

I'll go get my key,

and then I'll drive you to your room.

Well, get my key, too.

Yes, sir.

Now, that's more like it.

I think Mr. Ace finally gets the idea

that this is a business,

and in a business,

you don't run around

acting like a maniac.

It's nice meetin' you, Mr. Coty.

Catty! Whatever.

Holy sh*t!

Ha ha ha!

You son of a b*tch!

You'll never work again!

Goddamn it! Get me the hell outta here!

Get me out of here!

Whoo! Whoo!

I'll get you, you son--

Ha ha ha!

Why can't you just stop

and talk to somebody?

Why do you have to fill up

their car with cement?

Because a man's got to do

what he's got to do.

We don't even have a sponsor,

and the season's already started.

You don't ever think of

anybody but yourself.

What? Hold it.

See that guy sitting over there?

He's got my exact same shirt on.

I ought to go back

in the room and change.

We're gonna run out

of sponsors someday.

We might have done it today.

I wonder what he paid for that.

I don't even know why I try.

Ok, who's gonna buy the winner a drink?

Ok, I'll have 2 beers.

You know that number 10

you asked about--

Aubrey James--

Today's winner?

There he is.

You know stroker?

What town are we in?

Daytona.

Damn! I think he's with my girl here.

What's her name?

I don't know her first name.

Last time I saw her,

her sash said "miss Daytona."

That's probably her last name.

Stroker Ace!

You gonna be so glad I called you.

Anytime I see Clyde Torkle,

I get worried.

I can handle Clyde.

He's putty in my hands.

Hello, Clyde.

Is that god's own race car,

or what is it?

What is it?

I got my name up there!

Yep.

What's it look like?

This car would be

disqualified in 2 seconds.

Why?

Your engine's set too far back,

you got an oversized carburetor,

and nitrous oxide is

automatic 6-month suspension.

This ain't a Bible class.

Everybody cheats a little.

What kind of contract?

5 years.

4. 2. A year.

The contract will read 3 years.

You like the car?

I like the car, not him.

He don't like you.

He's supposed to like the car, not me.

Here's your contract.

It's bigger than

my high school yearbook.

You went to high school?

One year. Ooh.

Got a pen?

Ain't you gonna read it?

Of course I am! You think I'm stupid?

Good god...

Hey, there's no writin' on this paper.

It's upside down.

You just want to get through all this.

I got to read it!

Get to the important--

Oh, shoot!

I forgot to tell you

about the uniforms.

We're gonna have red ones

and some black ones.

The red ones have black trim.

The black will be

mostly black with some red.

Are they tailored?

They'll be real tight-fittin'.

You couldn't wear one, could you?

I wouldn't want to wear one--

Here's where you sign. Sign there.

All black?

A little white on some.

Shoot! I bet I look good in that.

You will. Women will drop like flies.

And driving out of waycross, Georgia,

in a Clyde Torkle chicken pit special,

here's stroker Ace...

The fastest chicken in the south!

Say what?

It's on your car.

Ha ha ha!

Bawk!

Bawk bawk bawk!

Fastest chicken in the south.

Fastest chicken in the south.

Fastest chicken in the south.

I've got "fastest chicken

in the south" on my car.

Oh, yes.

That guy clucked at me.

Whup him!

I'm not gonna have that on my car.

Yes, you are.

It's in your contract.

Arnold.

Here you go.

Page 417, paragraph "a,"

subparagraph "b,"

little letter "c."

Gentlemen, start your engines!

Waahh ha ha!

Whooo!

Whoo hoo!

Whooo!

Whoo hoo!

I don't think he's coming down.

I'll go up. What room's he in?

Thanks, lugs. 308, right?

I'll see you later, hon.

Well, hello.

Hey.

How are you, ma'am?

I don't know.

How am I?

I'm not one of the drivers.

I'm just a mechanic.

I like mechanics.

You do?

They know how to tinker

with things for hours...

Make them go fast.

Go away, lugs!

Hi!

Saw you when your dress went pffft!

I hope you're here to talk business,

'cause he's all tuckered out.

"All tuckered out." Ha!

See how the tail's bent? Unique, huh?

Got pictures for me to sign?

Come on in.

I'm going to get into

somethin' comfortable.

Come on.

Come on.

I'm Pembrook feeney.

Who?

Pembrook feeney,

Clyde Torkle's executive assistant.

Who?

Clyde Torkle.

Clyde Torkle's executive assistant

with responsibilities

overseeing all chicken pit

advertising and public relations...

Public relations, huh?

Including what we call

our collateral racing thrust.

What's that?

That's you.

Collateral what?

Thrust.

I think I like that.

As I was saying--

Can I ask you a question?

Of course.

Is that your real voice?

You don't like it?

It's unusual.

Actually, it's weird in a nice way.

I think we should

get started right away.

We?

We have 2 objectives.

We do?

Mm-hmm.

Is this one of them?

No. Our first objective

is to expose you

to our company's history.

The other is to apprise you

of our new advertising campaign.

Which is?

Ta-da!

Ta-da!

I just spent all night

having to deal with

this very strange person--

Howdy, ma'am.

Howdy, ma'am.

This is lugs Harvey. Miss...

Pembrook feeney,

chicken pit advertising

and PR director.

How do you do?

Pembrook feeney.

That's her real voice, too.

Boy, she sure is pretty.

Mmm.

Lugs Harvey is my chief mechanic.

Then you'll be interested in this.

I was about to show stroker

our gross volume chart.

Now, as you can see,

our sales have steadily

increased since 1967.

At one point,

our sales matched the colonel's...

Until sympathy purchasing broke out

following his death.

Well, that's very interesting, miss...

Feeney.

Pembrook.

Whatever.

And I'm sure you're

very good at your job.

Oh, thank you.

See, I ain't gonna do

but 2 personal appearances this year.

I might do one commercial

if it's real classy.

And I want "fastest chicken

in the south" off my car.

I'm sorry. That's quite impossible.

You have a whole schedule

of personal appearances.

And it's my job to travel with you

to make sure everything

is properly arranged.

Travel with me?

Uh-huh.

Excuse me.

Well, then, we'll be

sharing a room, right?

No. We couldn't do that.

We're not married.

What a little kidder!

What's that got to do with it?

I can't share with a

man I'm not married to.

You couldn't?

No.

And you never been married?

No.

That makes you a...

A virgin.

Yes. Sure, I am. I'm single.

Well, I think that's nice.

Thank you.

You would.

We have a ribbon cutting at 2:30.

Will you stop?

Stop!

He has a beautiful voice.

A beautiful voice, yes,

but I mean the mouth...

Doesn't work right.

The lips aren't under

the nose when he sings.

They're over here

on the side of his face.

Are too. Are not.

They are not! Are too.

Can I ask you a question?

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