Stroker Ace Page #3

Ok. You can ask me anything.

Are you sure you've

never slept with anybody?

Maybe there was somebody you forgot.

Stroker Ace, I'd be ashamed!

How could you ask her

something like that?

Good lord.

I'm sorry.

Just nervous. I'll be making

this personal appearance...

Over 1,000 people there.

I have to sign autographs.

I'm sorry. Go ahead and sing.

Watch his mouth.

Oh, yay!

Yay! Yay!

Oh, stroker! Stroker!

Yay! Stroker!

Stroker! Yay!

Stroker! Stroker!

Here he is! Stroker Ace!

Yay!

Yay!

Where is everybody, Clyde?

Got your ribbon-cutting clothes on?

There's nobody here!

People are waiting to buy some chicken.

Boy, you are really

packing them in, stroker.

Stroker!

Stroker! Rah rah rah!

This is the big time, boy.

Show a little excitement.

Yay! Yay!

Very good! Real good!

Even word of mouth

won't help this joint.

Ain't he something? Yay!

I don't believe this.

This is the 12th chicken pit

we've opened this week.

Only 2 years,

10 months, and 3 days to go

on your contract.

Don't be putting

that stuff on my mouth.

Big smile now!

Is he smiling?

I'm smiling.

Come on! Look.

Look a little more like a race driver.

This is stroker Ace,

Clyde Torkle's new driver

in the chicken pit special,

the fastest chicken in the south.

Could you emphasize the word chicken?

Chicken.

This is stroker Ace,

Clyde Torkle's new driver

in the chicken pit special,

the fastestchicken in the south.

Another race car driver.

Why can't they find one with a voice?

Fastest chicken in the south.

That's it. That's what I want.

I could sing it for you.

Thank you, Mr. Ace.

Stroker.

Mr. stroker, thank you.

That lawyer says you got

to do what Clyde wants,

or you can't race for 3 whole years.

Not here, Canada,

Europe, not even Italy.

No. Not Italy?

You sure that's exactly

what that lawyer said?

Uh-huh.

Let's get another lawyer.

Lugs, what day is it?

3 chicken pits past Sunday.

Our special guest is stroker Ace,

3-time Nascar champion

and leading contender for

this year's championship.

And here he is!

Ready on camera! Let's shoot this.

Cale, how you runnin'?

I'd be doin' a lot better without him.

I thought you trained a crew chief.

Hang in there.

Sum up in a few well-chosen words

the essence of a Nascar driver.

Go down to the end of the straightaway

and turn left.

Unless you're number 10.

Then you turn right.

Who's number 10?

Who is number 10?

Number 10 is Aubrey James.

This is my chief mechanic.

Lugs Harvey.

All right.

Stroker, what does a chief mechanic do?

Well--

He takes care of the car

and sees that everything is right.

That's what I do,

but I'm also a singer.

Everybody around the pits

says I sing real good.

Amazin' grace

Engineer, cut to a commercial.

These ladies are the wives

of franchisers or franchisees.

Come on. You're next, darling.

There you go.

Get up close and smile.

You got it.

Who's next?

Come on!

I'll hold on to it.

Give the girl a kiss!

Give her a smile!

These people sell chicken for us!

Who's next?

That no-class son of a b*tch

doesn't know who he's dealing with.

4 different lawyers

said the same thing.

One of them was a German.

Clyde Torkle's got to fire you.

Oh, yeah?

You know... i have

a certain amount of dignity

and a pretty good self-image.

I know what I am.

I'm a race car driver.

I ain't no goddamn chicken.

Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!

I'm stroker Ace.

The only thing I like

better than winning a race

is to stuff Torkle chicken in my face.

It's not very dignified, is it?

No, but he looks real nice

in his chicken outfit.

Try harder. We could do better.

What do you say?

No. I don't want to.

You have to. It's in your contract.

I don't give a sh*t.

I did some dumb things in my life,

but this is the dumbest!

It's in my contract

I gotta sell chicken,

but he didn't tell me how hard

I have to sell chicken.

I'm going to sell this chicken so hard

he'll choke to death on it! Choke!

You drive.

Look at this.

Must be some new kind of cult.

Boo! Boo!

We've seen promotions come and go

in Nascar grand national racing,

but Mr. Clyde Torkle

may have laid the ultimate egg

with this one.

Blatant commercialism.

Fans of the veteran 3-time

Nascar grand national champion

are not very enthusiastic

about what they're seeing.

There you see stroker Ace

coming down before

this tremendous congregation,

the audience not appreciating a bit

the fact that Clyde Torkle

has turned one of the great

heroes of American motor sport

into a farce.

Man, that is funny.

Ha ha ha ha!

Boo!

And here, perhaps,

the final insult to racing fans

the new thunderbird of stroker Ace

outfitted as a plucked chicken.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha!

We'll never see Torkle's

name on my car again!

Ha ha ha ha!

Poor, pitiful... ha ha ha!

Whoever thought of this...

I love it.

Huh?

Keep it up.

Miss Pembrook, you're not only a Saint,

you a smart woman.

Gonna give you a raise.

Our beautiful grand marshal

will commence this event.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Can you drive like that?

Let me explain, Arnold.

When a dumb hick like stroker

pulls a stunt like that,

just make out like he did you a favor.

He won't never do it again.

Looks like it didn't work.

We sure went to a lot

of trouble for nothing.

This is embarrassing.

What will we do now? Got more ideas?

I want you to put

your devious mind to work,

'cause we'll get out

of this damn contract!

Gum!

Here at the world's

fastest motor speedway

at Talladega, Alabama.

Get ready for the first pit stop.

Through the tri-oval come the field

down for the start.

Into the back straightaway

for the first time,

and they go over 200 miles per hour

down that 4,000-foot backstretch.

Pffft! Pffft!

Sh*t!

Fastest chicken in the south!

Balls!

They come out of turn 4,

headed back through the tri-oval

for the first time.

As they come through,

stroker Ace mixing it up.

Caution is on the speedway

early in the going.

Ever think about trying to lead?

We could use a lap!

You think it's easy

driving with chicken feet?

Here! Take the other one.

Hurry up!

Once again underway.

Lugs!

Yeah?

Check the pit!

See if any tools are missing.

Why?

I think there's something

in the engine.

That engine's perfect.

You've got my word on it.

Pfft!

Goddamn!

Sh*t!

Oh, sh*t.

It's all over for stroker Ace.

Stroker hand-grenaded an engine

in turn 2.

The caution is up for the second time

in this Talladega 500.

Lugs!

Yeah?

About your word...

It ain't worth sh*t!

The whole thing's a trick.

What is?

It's a Clyde Torkle chicken pit trick

to get me to go around cutting ribbons.

You mean Pembrook feeney?

Of course! No woman looks like that

and is a...

What do you call that?

Virgin.

Right. You buy that?

There are some nice women

in this world.

Pembrook feeney is a god-fearing woman.

I'm proud and honored to know her.

May I ask a question?

If you had a Ferrari,

would you just leave it in the garage?

If you had wild Turkey,

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