Stuart: A Life Backwards Page #6

said if I didn't go out there

and stick up for myself,

he'd belt us once.

F***ing fantastic.

Weakling became strong.

The day that I found violence

I felt fifty times more strong.

After you've been bullied and

pushed about, called spastic,

you learn that violence, and fear of violence,

and madness, it scares people.

I used to deliberately get myself in a rage.

And after six months,

I found I couldn't stop them.

I wasn't making the madness up no more.

You know what, Alexander?

I don't know myself or [indiscernible].

Madness.

Sometimes I think I'm the child of the devil.

I let the devil in.

Now I can't get him out.

I tried...

burning him out, and cutting him out, and...

he don't take no notice.

Why should he?

He don't wanna be homeless.

You know, there's still one question left.

- What's that, mate?

- Guess.

We're writing the book backwards,

so what's the last bit of information we need?

What's your date of birth?

Oh, right, yeah.

I am Stuart Clive Shorter.

I was born on the 19th of the 9th, 1968.

So, you're...

- You're 33.

- I am 33. I'm getting older, as they say.

And I have led a very controversial

and unpleasant life.

Oh, yeah.

Eh?

Best man or what, eh?

It is gonna be grand.

PPPPeterborough, Cambridge

on 96 and 95.7 FM. And 1026 AM.

BBC Radio Cambridgeshire.

The top story this hour

near the French entrance to the

channel tunnel.

Police have now formally indentified

the man who died after being hit

by a train near Cambridge early this morning.

He was Stuart Shorter, a 33-year-old

from Waterbeach.

The coroner has been informed and an inquest

will take place at a date to be fixed.

Judith? It's Alexander.

Blessed be the God and Father of

our Lord Jesus Christ.

Was it suicide?

I don't know. He didn't leave a note.

But then, suicides often don't.

All I do know is that he stepped in front

of the 11:
15 Cambridge to Kings Lynn.

I have overcome the world, says the Lord.

Since the Earthly life of Stuart

has come to an end,

we commit his body to be buried.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

dust to dust.

In sure and certain hope of the

resurrection to eternal life.

- To our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.

- Amen.

Hello, Alexander. It's Stuart.

Hello, Stuart.

You know, admitting I've had lots to drink and that,

but I can't help reflect about my brother

and my brother's friend.

And they didn't believe me.

And they didn't care.

The abuse.

Being asked to do things that I wouldn't

have thought possible that anyone

could ask of an 11-year-old.

I'm just head-butting, and head-butting,

and head-butting, and head-butting.

The more that you speak,

the more they disbelieve.

And nobody was listening

to anything I had to say.

When I've got my drink inside me

I sit here having mad conversations

with myself.

Talking about mutilating myself,

killing myself,

tracking down those who are responsible.

I want to just lay down and die.

I feel so dirty, and f***ing horrible

and hating and attacking anyone

I get close to.

I just wish

once

there could be an escape from this madness.

The book was finally published in April 2005.

I think Stuart would have liked it.

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