Stuart: A Life Backwards Page #5

I wanted a cuddle and it spits too soon.

Stuart!

I thought maybe it's because of

me muscular dystrophy.

You know, 'cause your dick's a muscle, isn't it?

It started on me ticker.

They tried twice to put a pacemaker in me tit,

but the veins just crumble 'cause of

the amount of critic I've injected.

Gotta laugh, haven't you?

I can't believe he hadn't told you.

He tells everyone. About everything.

- Well, now, that's not true.

- Mum, yes.

That's his way of coping, isn't it?

Twenty years. Non-stop.

Ever since he first went on the streets.

Twenty years?

But I thought it was Gavvy's, um,

his brother's suicide that made him homeless.

Don't be stupid.

Stuart had been on and off the

streets since he was twelve.

Then, all of a sudden, this little horror.

Twelve years old, that's when it started.

Gavvy had to run to fetch mum.

Come, it's Stuart!

Put me into care! You hear me!?

Do it now otherwise I'll kill you!

Put me into care now! I'll do the lot of you!

Put me into care!

I said, put me into care!

In you get. Watch your head.

He was taken into care that night.

We didn't see him for three weeks.

Another one for you, Mr Laverack.

You're getting popular, he asked to come.

Poor boy. Poor boy.

Out of the frying pan into the fire.

Well, we weren't the frying pan.

You know what I mean.

We just couldn't understand it.

People said she ought to disown him.

How can you wash your hands

of your own child?

He's my flesh and blood, I'd say.

He's my son.

I just wish I could do more.

Working on the book after the end of

the campaign, writing, rewriting,

I realised then that I could never

hope to justify or explain Stuart.

And whatever had murdered his

innocence had long ago ceased

to be simple enough to sort

out with words.

All I could hope to do was to

staple him to the page.

- Hello?

- It's in me tit.

I'm at Papworth Heart Hospital.

Come visit.

Yeah, on your way, can you pop in

to see me gran and grandpa?

They've got a present for me.

I told them it smells like sick

but they don't listen.

We haven't seen Stuart in years.

Lots of years.

Well, things haven't been very

easy for him recently.

His mother says it's the buses.

They're not convenient.

Stuart?

- No.

- Rory, his son.

- Stuart.

- No.

Rex, his dad.

A bad man, his real dad.

Gypsies.

Stuart?

Gavvy, Stuey's brother.

One day when Rex was beating

our Judith real bad,

Gavvy hit him over the head

with a broom.

He was only five.

Rex moved out after that.

I know why Stuart changed.

Gavvy came 'round special to tell me.

Promised I'd never tell.

Three days later he committed suicide.

To celebrate his getting better.

Couldn't decide red or white.

Tell him to come and see us.

We've waited long enough.

Can't wait forever.

Oh, you f***ing star.

I almost died.

How are Ruth and John?

Not good.

He can't work.

Wife says he cries in his sleep.

And Ruth?

Got cancer.

Bastards.

Now do you see what I mean

about the system?

The system. It's the system that's

going to keep her alive.

It's the system that's just given you

a 5,000 pacemaker for nothing.

- Hello?

- Excuse me guys, do either of you know

where the toilet is?

Uh, yeah, sure. I saw a sign that

said down there on the left.

Thanks, mate.

F***ing hell.

I need a cigarette.

Yeah, the whole town's like it.

All cripples.

I spent six years in a school like this.

Day I end up like that, eh,

death day.

Care was like this?

No. Spagie school.

They sent me because of

my muscular dystrophy.

Said I wasn't allowed to go

to proper school.

Well, it was the '70s.

Funny thing, that. There was nothing

wrong with me at that stage.

I was just a bit uncoordinated,

but you'd hardly notice.

But they said since I was

going to die a spag,

I might as well get used to the idea.

Before I was too spagie to

understand, I suppose.

Now all together.

Douchebag! Douchebag! Douchebag!

Gimpy! Oi, gimpy, come here!

Where's your brother now?

'Help me! Hold me! Love me!'

We're coming to kill you.

Did they kick the sh*t out of you?

Every day, mate.

Give 'em something to do after school.

Then Gavvy would console me.

Please, not Howarth. Please, not

Only one month out of Papworth,

Stuart's day in court for

attempting to cut off his neighbour's

head finally arrived.

We were dreading it would be

Ruth and John's old judge.

Oh f***!

All rise for Justice Howarth.

At this point Stuart really was looking

at being imprisoned for life.

Court is now in session.

This case concerns Stuart Clive Shorter.

Affray, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest,

an incident at the accused's flat.

No. No, he just said

the whole thing was nonsense.

All that adding charges, taking them

away, attempted murder, not

I don't know, I mean, what can I say?

The lucky bastard got off on

a series of technicalities.

You know what Judge Howarth thinks about

Oh sh*t. Stuart, I'm so sorry.

Are you alright?

I'm so sorry.

He's free! He's absolutely f***ing free.

Oh, you're disgusting.

Wakey, wakey.

Sun has got his hat on, mate.

Sun has got his hat on, mate.

Rise and shine!

Now, I've got to try on a suit

for me sister's wedding.

Can you give me a lift?

Have you listened to the tape?

I was nine, Alexander, when it started.

Nine.

It was three years of abuse.

My own brother.

And then his mate joined in.

That night, I ju I couldn't,

I couldn't take it no more, you know?

They had done everything.

There was nothing more they could do.

- You got any more of these?

- Yeah, backseat, I think.

I think the reason mum still

pampers him like she does

is because she feels guilty

about what Gavvy did.

But he did the same to me.

I'm the same as Stu.

One minute, nice as pie;

next minute, I'm a rattlesnake.

How'd I get to be like this?

What murdered the little boy I was?

When the police found Gavvy,

they said he'd really suffered.

Legs all over the show.

That boy has suffered.

Happy-go-lucky little thing.

Mr Laverack.

- Poor boy. Poor boy.

- Out of the frying pan into the fire.

- Put me into care now!

- Douchebag! Douchebag!

- Douchebag! Douchebag! Douchebag!

- We're coming to kill you.

The tablets he'd taken had eaten his kidneys

and his liver away before he died.

Always such a caring boy.

Happy-go-lucky little thing.

And I'm glad.

I'm glad Gavvy suffered.

That's Gavvy.

That's Gavvy and me.

So he's what murdered the boy you were.

- What made you change.

- Ah, wasn't that.

What was it then?

So many people have had the same

sort of childhood and experiences

as what I have and they learn to

accept and cope and live a very,

in brackets, "normal and

competitive life".

I'm quite philosophical about that.

If you had to change one thing about

your life, what would it be?

Well, how much is one thing?

It's very easy to blame, isn't it?

Me muscular dystrophy?

Nonces?

Gavvy?

Honestly, it'd be easier to change me.

One thing only.

The day I discovered violence.

Me step-father

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