Submarine Page #3

That's just something to bear in mind.

And listen,

I madeyou a cassette recording.

It's a compilation of songs I used to listen to

during some of my early formative relationships.

Plus a couple of things

I thought you might dig.

I think music can make things seem

a bit more real, sometimes,

- if you know what I mean.

- Thanks.

I've also included some break-up songs

towards the end,

just in case things don't work out.

Which, obviously, you know, that isn't the aim,

though, I'm gonna tell you, it is likely.

Passion rarely lasts, I'm afraid.

All right, well...

good night and erm... well done!

It's an achievement. It really is, of sorts.

Good night, son.

# Tomorrow I'll be quicker

# I'll stare into the strobe light flicker

# And afloat I'll stay

# But I'm quite all right hiding today

# Tomorrow I'll be faster

# I'll catch what I've been chasing after

# And have time to play

# But I'm quite all right hiding today

# And I will play the coconut shy

# And win a prize even if it's rigged

# I won't know when to stop

# And you can leave off my lid

# And I won't even lose my fizz

# I'll be the polka dots type

# I'll know the way back if you know the way

# But if you are, I am quite all right

# Hiding today

Jordana and I enjoyed a glorious

atavistic fort. Night of lovemaking,

humiliating teachers and bullying the weak.

I've already turned these moments

into the Super-8 footage of memory.

# Tomorrow I'll be stronger

# Running colourful

# No longer just in black and white

# And quite all right hiding tonight

# And I will have a game on the coconut shy

# And win a prize even if it's rigged

# I won't know when to stop

and you can leave off my lid

# And I won't even lose my fizz

# I'll be the polka dots type

# I'll probably swim through a few lagoons

# I'll have a spring in my step

# And I'll get there soon

# To sing you a happy tune

# Tomorrow

# And you'd better bring a change of clothes

# So we can sail our laughing pianos

# Along a beam of light

# But I'm quite all right hiding tonight

It's f***ing ridiculous! How long's it been?

Two weeks. It's f***ing ridiculous!

I'm not bothered. We've as good as done it.

Never take more than a week

between everything but and stuffing it in.

She's taking the piss. Keiron, back me up.

- She's taking the piss, man.

- Thank you.

Watch out, she's looking.

Is she still looking?

Yep.

Jordana hates any place

that could be termed romantic.

With this in mind, I took her to

one of my favourite industrial estates,

for some quality one-on-one time.

This is nice, isn't it?

Yeah, it's not bad.

I mean, you know, we get on pretty well.

Yeah, it's fun.

And we're getting more and more intimate.

Intimate?

Yeah, you know, we've done things.

We've been intimate.

We have been intimate, yeah.

My parents are going to the cinema

on Thursday.

It's a tradition. They go every Thursday evening.

So what I'm saying is, it's empty.

The house. On Thursday. The house is empty.

On Thursday evening, it's an empty house.

So what do you think?

Are you asking me to come round

and have sex with you?

If I say yes, does that lessen

the chance of you wanting to?

Before I answer that,

I just want to check one thing.

- Yeah, sure. What is it?

- It's quite serious.

Of course, yeah. Go ahead, you should

be able to ask what you want to ask.

Will the house be empty?

Write down the reasons why I should.

OK.

It's Thursday. You're going to the cinema?

You should leave.

Is that what you wear to lounge around?

Your father doesn't want to go out

all of a sudden.

I've been looking forward to it.

I didn't realise there'd be others.

- They're our neighbours.

- Who, the ninjas?

It's Thursday, our cinema night.

It's not a free-for-all.

Do not call them ninjas, Oliver. It's racist.

He's white.

They don't strike me as big Eric Rohmer fans.

Why don't the three of you just go and see

some tat at the Odeon?

- I'll just stay in.

- You should both go.

So rude, Lloyd.

Oh, for God's sake.

- Oh, Graham.

- Whoa!

- Oh, not really...

- Hey.

Oh, thanks.

Are you all right?

Whoargh!

You look lovely.

- Thank you very much.

- Sorry I'm a bit early.

It's just, there's a fantastic

noodle bar right next to the cinema.

Kim-Lin and I would love to take

you and Lloyd...

- Ninjas.

- My treat.

- Very sweet.

- No need to take two cars, right?

Plenty of room in the van.

Do you mind jumping in the back, here, Lloyd?

Hop right in there,

make yourself comfortable.

All right there, buddy? Great.

Thanks for living up a f***ing hill.

Sorry, I had to er... go to the toilet.

I'm OK now. It doesn't matter.

Just gonna top this up quickly.

There we go.

To us, and a wonderful evening of lovemaking.

Can you just get off my shoulders?

I'm just directing you, just...

Right, OK, just don't open them.

I'll tell you when. Stay there.

- What, now?

- Yeah.

F***ing hell, you're a serial killer.

I'm sorry for that.

I didn't know whether you'd like it.

But we can learn from it. I've learned from it.

I think you've learned from it.

Maybe we could start again.

- I've gotta go home.

- OK, cool. You should go home.

I'll give you this. It's just a letter

I was gonna give you. Just take it.

It's nothing.

- Sorry, but...

- No, no, I... Yeah...

- You...

- OK, bye.

Dear Jordana, thank you for letting me

explore your perfect body.

I could drink your blood.

You're the only person I would allow

to be shrunk to microscopic size,

and swim inside me

in a tiny submersible machine.

We've lost our virginity

but it wasn't like losing anything.

You're too good for me.

You're too good for anyone. Sincerely, Oliver.

Don't get cocky.

How was the film?

I'm going to bed.

It's nice to see something lightweight

once in a while,

that you don't have to think about.

Relationships are tough, aren't they?

You should be in bed, Oliver.

Tonight, I stumbled across

an encyclopaedia entry on ultrasound.

Ultrasound is a sound vibration

too high frequency to be audible.

It was first developed to locate

submerged objects -

submarines, depth charges, Atlantis and such.

Some animals, like bats, dolphins and dogs

can hear within the ultrasonic frequency.

But no human can.

No-one can truly know

what anyone thinks or feels.

What's inside Mum?

What's inside Dad?

What's inside Jordana?

We're all travelling under the radar, undetected.

And no-one can do a thing about it.

- Any more word from Graham?

- Nothing to report., Jackie.

- We went to the cinema as normal.

- How did that go?

Awkward, of course.

Lloyd sulked

because we watched Crocodile Dundee

rather than one of his dark numbers,

I don't know.

But I really laughed.

I thought it was very charming.

And I could see why someone like her

would go for someone like him.

Graham is still very attractive.

He probably felt threatened.

Lloyd is far too self-involved

to feel threatened, Jackie.

He knows Graham was your first love...

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