Suck It Up Page #2

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- Nice meeting you.

- -So nice.

Thank you.

"We'll be in touch"?

I didn't know

how to deal with that, man,

she's the weirdest.

You can't even wait

until we get home?

Nah, I don't have

to wait till I get home.

Can't re-grow

your liver, Ronnie.

Hey, why don't we focus

on you for a little while?

You know what can regrow?

Your hymen.

No, it can't.

Can it?

Who was the last guy

you f***ed?

If you say Garrett,

I'm gonna poop.

Okay,

it wasn't Garrett.

How many

have there been since Garrett?

- One

-one.

What was his name?

David.

What color

were his pubes?

I think they were like...

Calico...

Okay.

I haven't slept with anyone.

Good.

That settles it.

Operation get faye laid

starts right now.

Put it on the fun schedule.

Okay, it's not like

i can't get laid.

I wanna play, too.

Operation get Ronnie laid...

Also, starts now.

Uh, it's always

operation get Ronnie laid.

Land ho!

I'm not vaccinated for this.

Well, now...

I knew there was a reason

i skipped work today.

Girls, you got a band-aid.

No, but I could use

some disinfectant.

What do you need

a band-aid for?

Well, it's just

for all these cuts. Pow!

Can I buy you a drink?

- No, thank you.

- Absolutely.

Bobby?

Gonna need a couple

of brews for these angels

on my tab.

Oh, my god, you have a tab?

-I sure do.

-That's so cool.

-You like that?

-Yeah!

You know you ought

to come back on Sundays.

We do a little

mud wrestling thing and...

You know,

if you get dirty,

you drink for free.

- Sh*t! What a deal!

-Mmm.

Sign me up.

Well, I will. What's your name?

Ronnie.

Ronnie, the wrestler.

I like that.

They call me Dale.

You wanna dance?

I'd love to dance.

And how about you, red?

No, thank you, dandruff.

Whoa... this is

protein powder, I think.

Can we just go?

Hey, we're gonna

need a couple of shots.

Tequila!

- Ready. One, two, three.

- -Okay.

Ugh...

Mmm.

I like the pink ones.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Go, red,

you've come to life.

Cheers to that.

Yeah!

No, no.

Where are you going?

Red, come back.

She'll be all right.

Come here, you.

She stood still,

he spun around,

he took a spill,

and she fell down.

She stood still,

and he spun around,

he took a spill,

and she fell down.

She stood still,

and he spun around,

he took a spill,

and she fell down.

She stood still,

and he spun around,

he took a spill,

and she fell down.

- Ronnie...

- Whoa...

We're kind of

busy in here.

--Get off, please.

No, I have a mission.

You heard.

She has a mission.

Okay, let's abort mission.

- No...

- -Seriously.

No, can't do, soldier.

I have a duty...

To my vagina.

- She has a duty, red.

What about her duty?

Red, red, the future

of all mankind depends on it.

Are you seriously

just gonna leave me like this?

Husband!

- Hey!

-Hi.

No Ronnie this morning?

She's still sleeping.

- You know Ronnie.

I don't know her

that well, actually.

I only met them last summer.

Oh, you knew Garrett?

Mm-hmm.

Right on.

Hey, what are you

doing tonight? I think, um...

I think Ronnie and i

might kill each other

if we don't spend some time

with some other people.

I was gonna barbecue

around 7:
00.

You should come.

Uh, Ronnie

can give you directions.

Cool.

Guess I'll see you

tonight then.

Did you want some candy?

Yes, yes, I did.

You're up.

Ready for vision boards?

No!

Very funny.

You ever made

a vision board before?

Hmm. Of course not.

That would actually

require thought

about the future.

Why does it say,

"Alex, bbq" on there?

Oh, I ran into her downtown.

She invited us over.

Well, maybe

we can just tell her

we're on the master cleanse

or something.

She'll understand.

What else

are we gonna do tonight?

White house.

We'll hit

the white house again.

As appealing

as that sounds,

I think I'm gonna go to Alex's.

Are you guys like...

Not-friends?

Friendly.

How do you know her again?

Ah! She's like one of Garrett's

random friends

from summers here.

I...

I just don't wanna go.

Okay.

You don't have to.

So, you're just gonna go

over there all by yourself?

Yeah.

Like, you don't even know her.

Not as well

as you know, say, Dale.

But, uh, I think I'll survive.

They're here.

Hello, ladies.

Uh, Ronnie, faye, this is

my roommate, granville.

You can call me "granny."

Who likes beer?

Grab a bunch.

We'll be in the garden.

Uh... bathroom?

Just around the corner.

Uh, just make sure you hold

the flusher down

for three Mississippi's

she doesn't know about you.

Okay.

Faye... she can't

know about you.

Okay.

Alex, this is super important.

She can't know about you.

Ronnie...

It's okay.

Okay, okay.

Do you like space?

- Yeah.

It's okay if

you're not that into it.

Not that into it.

Get out of my house.

No, I'm kidding. That's a joke.

Please stay.

Hmm.

So, you're an artist?

Uh...

Yeah, space enthusiast,

really.

Made a ton of these.

Got a bunch in my bedroom

if you want to...

Uh... or...

People are waiting outside,

too.

So...

Uh, nice to meet you.

Uh, I'll get the chips.

- What do you got?

-Beer.

Uh, granny, I promised them

some of your kush.

Oh, sh*t, Kenny

cleaned me out this morning.

- F***...

- -Aren't those marijuana plants?

Yeah. But they're not

ready for harvest yet.

Did you ever, uh,

see one up close?

I'll show you.

Oh, no, that's cool.

I see them all the time.

Please, after you.

It's pollen.

It's my kryptonite.

They're pretty, huh?

Very pretty.

What's that?

Oh,

that is my pump for Insulin.

I'm diabetic.

Ta-da!

You have diabetes and asthma?

Yes, I do.

Basically superman.

Yo, hookers. We got a plan b.

Uh-oh...

What is it?

Alex said she can take us

to the bowling alley

to meet some guys

on the weekend.

Ooh! Can you score

some weed there?

Yeah, bro, we can score

some weed there.

--That shamus?

Gonna get that

famous-shamus-stank-weed.

Better than nothing, I guess.

Granville's kind of a cutie.

He's not.

Come on. You were creaming

your Jean shorts for that guy.

Asthmatic, diabetic...

Space cowboy granville.

Shut up.

- Why?

-Come on. You're not even

gonna get in once?

No. I don't

want swimmer's itch.

You're not gonna get it again.

Oh, my god.

It's not like chicken pox.

It's itchy for, like, a week.

Boo-hoo!

We've all had chlamydia.

Mmm.

Life is so hard.

Ronnie! The sun!

Oh, my god. The sun,

the water. Jesus, faye.

Live a little.

Yeah, I'm trying to live a lot,

which is why

I'm avoiding a sunburn.

What's the point, dude?

You're probably gonna

get melanoma anyways.

Okay, not to get

all Oprah on you,

but I don't love that

you're putting that out

into the universe.

It's not like Garrett

microwaved his balls.

That was genetic.

He was always gonna get it.

Well, maybe you're always

gonna get skin cancer.

So, might as well

enjoy a little pigment

while you're young.

Ooh! Live like you're

gonna die tomorrow.

How original.

Spit it out.

What?

I'm not ashamed of my behavior.

Okay, Ronnie.

You're being judgy.

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