Suck It Up Page #3

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I didn't say anything.

Well, you're being judgy

without saying anything.

So, either speak your mind

or shut the f*** up.

Okay. I think you're being

reckless and irresponsible.

I'm just having fun.

Dale's truck could not

have been fun.

You wouldn't recognize fun

if it was sucking

on your puffy nips.

I have fun.

Prove it.

Prove you're

not using drunken sex

as a coping mechanism.

I was slutty

before Garrett died.

It's who I am.

It's my f***ing right.

Garrett

would be so proud.

Why would I wanna

make Garrett proud?

He was a f***ing p*ssy.

And I didn't take his advice

when he was alive,

I'm not gonna start now.

I cannot believe you're

talking about him like this.

Oh, my god. It's insane

you're defending him.

Girls, these are the guys.

Oh, I see we're just

in time for the gang-bang.

These odds

can only help you.

Does anyone want a beer?

Yeah, a beer would be divine.

Why, yes,

a beer would be divine.

Are you gonna be

like this all night?

-Hey, buddy.

-Hey, shamus.

It's been a while.

Welcome to my bowling alley.

Hey, Zach, why don't you get

these ladies some shoes?

10 and a half, men's.

I'm 7. Clean.

What's this?

This right here

is my calling.

Practice makes perfect.

It's permanent.

Well, the boys help out

with that. Don't you, guys?

Go ahead. Show her.

Oh...

I passed out

with my shoes on.

Aww... sweet lisp.

Ronnie!

It's okay. Faye used to have

a stutter.

She did this stutter poem

to get rid of it.

You should teach him

the stutter poem.

Cut it out.

So, uh, Alex tells me

you guys are looking

for some of that farm-to-table

devil's lettuce.

You've come to the right place.

I don't know.

Word on the street

is your mama busted you.

Yeah, she might have

busted me, but, uh...

She didn't bust

my man Tommy over here.

Hook 'em up.

Now this stuff here...

It's my very own strain.

We call it

"the walk of shamus."

Mmm. Is it really

such a good idea

to have it out there

just Willy-nilly?

Chill, faye.

I'm chill. Thank you.

It's cool.

Shamus runs the place.

There's no one here to bust us.

Oh, she doen't smoke.

All right! Let's bowl.

So, those are called "quasars."

Or quasi-stellar objects.

Well, basically,

they're like stars.

Except not quite,

hence the name.

"Quasi."

Because they're

brighter than stars.

So they can be brighter

than entire galaxies.

What's so magnificent

about them is that

they're powered

by the stuff that gets

sucked into black holes.

I mean, "suck" is

the wrong word. Fall.

Fall. Fall is better.

So, like, mass falls

into a black hole, dies,

and then its energy

gets converted

into the brilliant light

of the quasi-stellar object.

I mean, how cool is that?

You know, the darkest, most...

Mysterious thing

in the universe,

this hole of death,

feeds the brightest

and most beautiful.

You really like space, huh?

I also like puns.

Oh, all right.

Let's hear a pun.

Oh, i-- I can't

just tell you a pun.

Why not?

My-my-my puns

don't work that way.

'Cause they're unemployed.

One might say

they're "pun-employed."

--That's stupid.

Do you want to get out of here?

Yes, absolutely.

--Oh...

Two down.

What about our ride?

Don't worry, ladies.

I'll take you home.

Let's go downstairs.

Ah!

- Sorry.

-It's okay. It's all right.

You okay?

I just have to pee.

Hmm...

Hey? Hey, good-lookin',

we're here.

Hi!

--Oh!

Oh, hey-- you-you okay?

You good?

Hey, what-- what happened here?

Mmm.

Some times life gets ya.

But do you know what they say?

They say that if you

have two black eyes,

the universe is

telling you to take a nap.

But if it's just one of them,

- then it's a wink.

Hey, what are you waiting for?

Look, I'm gonna take off.

What?

Look, my grandma

died last year.

It's super hard, I get it.

- Yeah, I bet that was hard.

Unlike your dick.

I'm gonna go.

Ha-ha! Hey,

you need an invitation?

You a vampire?

Cross the threshold, vampire!

Dross-- no, "cross."

Cross the threshold!

Drink some water.

Drink water...

Drink water,

drink f***ing water...

F***ing penicillin

in that water.

I'm alive.

You okay?

Let's get you to bed.

Oh!

Can you do it horizontally?

Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you.

You know who

doesn't have a pulse?

Who?

Shamus.

And he's vampire because

you have to invite him in.

Inside. For him to come in.

Did you invite him in?

Yeah, but it's

opposite day for vampires.

Oh...

Best...

Friend.

Oh...

Sorry. I'm still here.

I mean, I'm not sorry

I'm still here.

I'm glad, uh...

But... yeah.

How are you feeling?

Less than fresh.

Sorry I fell asleep last night.

That's okay.

I really wanted to, uh...

You know,

it's probably for the best.

Really.

Okay. Well...

Uh... I'll see you around.

Yup.

Hey! All right!

No, no, no. We didn't, uh...

Bro code. I get it.

Call me faye.

And thank you...

For this opportunity.

A position at

east cliff academy is...

The opportunity of a lifetime.

You have... no idea how much

this opportunity means to me.

Yes, you do,

i guess I just have to

deal with it.

- Dina?

- -Hi, hon.

I'm making eggplant parm.

Hi!

Is Ronnie awake?

She ate the donut

that I brought her

and said she had plans

and took off.

She seems...

The same.

How's Roger?

He joined a gym.

I wasn't sure how this

would be for him, but...

That's a step, a big one.

Ronnie could use some exercise.

I'm sorry. I'm trying.

Oh, faye, it's not your fault.

You know, Roger and i

asked you to help with her,

but if it's too hard...

Wha-- what do you mean,

"too hard"?

Just that everything

with Garrett was a lot,

especially for you.

I am not fragile.

I never said you were fragile.

I can handle things, okay?

I wanted to be there

for Garrett

and he sent me away, okay?

Okay.

How long are you staying?

I have work in the morning.

You might wanna beat traffic.

I finally got to cleaning out

Garrett's room.

Found these.

That's why I'm here.

Ronnie booked it so fast,

i didn't have

a chance to tell her.

There's one for each of you.

From Garrett.

Roger and I thought that...

You two could use a guardian.

Garrett loved it here.

What's this?

Dandelion root tea.

Ugh!

Can we turn it

into hot toddies?

How are you doing?

How come?

I mean, I know the obvious,

but do you know specifically

what's the worst part?

Mmm...

He's not here.

Yeah.

He's not here.

When was the last time

you had a massage?

I don't know.

I think you have

stagnant energy.

Ugh!

Lie down.

Don't

flatter yourself.

Did you ever massage Garrett?

Yeah.

Good.

He was so uptight.

"Don't do that."

"Don't say that."

"Don't wear that

in public, Ronnie."

One time he caught me

and our tennis coach

in the ball room.

We were just making out,

but he came in and...

Kneed him in the groin,

and then

hoisted me

over his shoulder and

carried me all the way home.

Probably could have

gotten free, but I didn't.

Why?

Because of Garrett?

He's not here. He's dead.

You don't have to be dead

to be not here.

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