Sucker Page #3

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- And when she was dancing by the jukebox...

when she went to powder her nose...

- we think she lost...

- she dropped...

- her pendant.

- I was hoping you might have...

- Wondering if you found it?

- No.

- It's really special to us.

- Family heirloom.

- It really means a lot to me.

- So if anyone finds it...

- could you ask them to call this number?

We're willing to offer you a $1,000 reward.

LAWRENCE (narrating): Some time

later, the Professor would arrive.

(laughing)

His favorite routine was

to pretend to be drunk.

- (groans)

- (grunts)

- Ooh.

- Look what I found.

F*** me.

- That's mine.

- Oh, finders keepers.

It's worth a pretty penny, I'd wager.

Mmm. (chuckles)

- Fifty bucks.

- A hundred?

Looks like gold to me.

200. That's it.

I think I'll just hang on to it.

- 250.

- 300.

- 375.

- 400.

And a six-pack.

LAWRENCE (narrating): The

most money we ever made was...

(cash register dings)

Hand it over, codger.

(groans)

The final step is

the most important.

Come on, come on.

- When the bartender calls the number...

- Yes. Hello.

Listen, I've found your necklace.

The family heirloom. What?

(speaking Chinese)

Huh?

- Sh*t.

- F***.

LAWRENCE (narrating): If he

tried to sell the necklace...

And best of all, she

can't tell the police...

because she took the money

straight from the cash register.

Sneaky f***ers.

Ah. Dodgy prigs.

(sighs) F*** this.

- Where are you going?

- I'm going for a walk. He could be ages.

- Do you actually do that?

- My record's two minutes.

I've never been able to do it.

My mum taught me. She

can do it in 90 seconds.

Here.

She sounds like fun.

If you think it's fun being a kid.

Where's your mum?

She left. What do I do first?

Because of the Professor?

He says the older I get,

the more I speak like her.

You know, I can see her face,

but I have no memory of her voice.

I wonder what she sounds like now,

who she's talking to.

You're not the only one who

gets treated like a child.

LAWRENCE (narrating): We pulled

all kinds of different scams,

but what the Professor

really loved...

was cards.

No one knows exactly,

but it's believed that

cards were invented...

somewhere in the seventh century...

by the Chinese.

LAWRENCE (narrating):

What didn't we invent?

PROFESSOR:
Cards were brought

down the Silk Road to markets

in Egypt and the Holy Land.

Originally,

they were used to

predict the future.

In the 15th century, in Germany,

the printing press allowed

cards to be mass-produced.

- Games of chance flourished across Europe.

- (men laughing)

And of course, the card

cheats weren't far behind.

- Hold out your left hand.

- I'm right-handed.

Oh, really?

This... is your deck.

The cards must become an

extension of your body.

But keep them in your hand

even when you're asleep.

You must become intimate

with the weight, the feel,

the size of them.

Like the touch of a lover's breast.

Wax on, wax off.

That's a bezique deck...

from 1910.

All 64 of them.

Cards used to be known as pasteboards.

You just feel the thickness of those.

There's over a hundred

years of grit on them.

It's the most valuable thing that I own.

- What about me?

- I don't own you, my dear.

That much is obvious.

These are beautiful.

Where'd you get them from?

They were a wedding

gift from an old friend.

The only thing from that

friendship that survived.

(chuckles)

You never talk about Riley.

Who's Riley?

We could have been brothers.

He taught me how to play cards.

- He was a confidence man?

- He was no con man.

He was a thief.

You blame him for everything.

He took something very precious from me.

Maybe she was just bored.

MAN:
You don't have

to fall in line

Life is such a crazy fight

Live louder

Uh

Live louder

Uh

Hoo

Hey, look, I did it!

Uh

Live louder

Yeah, ow

Get up and dance like you dance

when there's no one around

Sing a song the way you sing

when you're in the shower

Lose yourself, let your soul

redesign a new kind of cool

Redefine a new kind of

- La-la-la-la-la-la

- Louder

- La-la-la-la-la-la

- Live louder

- La-la-la-la-la-la

- Louder

La-la-la-la-la-la

Let it go

Don't ever let anybody tell you

the hand is faster than the eye.

The hand cannot be faster than the eye.

The hand is faster than the mind.

Back in the pack, Jack.

Go, go, go, go, go

Dance like you dance when

there's no one around

- Sing a song the way you sing when you're in the shower

- I wanna hear you

Lose yourself, let your soul

redefine a new kind of cool

Sure, Uncle. I'm making money.

Quite a bit, actually.

I don't have it all yet, but I will.

- Live louder

- Anyway, I have to go, Uncle.

Talk to you soon.

La-la-la-la-la-la

MAN:
No.

No. No.

- WOMAN:
What?

- No!

- Excuse me!

- If you want to check the sign out there,

you'll see it's "secondhand record store."

It's record. Analogue.

A-N-A-L-O-G-U-E.

So if you want to listen to music on

your telephone, then I can't help you.

Ai-yi-yi-yi.

The chopsticks are an

extension of your body.

Very amusing. Yeah.

I thought you were supposed

to be good with your hands.

Well, I know when I'm beaten.

Ah. (chuckles) Charity.

Thank you.

Lawrence, this is actually really good.

Mmm.

You have excelled yourself, young man.

I would like to propose a toast.

Yeah. In order to welcome Lawrence

to our little family of outcasts.

Lawrence.

I've had an idea for a scam.

(bell dings)

- Yes?

- (broken English) Oh, wow.

Very happy I am you have this band.

I've looked all over Japan for it.

I've looked on worldwide super highway.

eBay. No can find.

How much you want it for?

Uh... Mmm. Minimal stylus damage.

Patina on the cover, slightly foxed.

Let's say $15.

- Fifteen dollar?

- Australian.

Fifteen dollar? Are you crazy in the mind?

All right. Ten?

I not pay you 10 or 15.

I pay you 50!

What the hell was that?

- Japanese foreign exchange student.

- Aren't you Chinese?

- I've got range.

- Great con.

So we're $50 down and holding

a piece-of-sh*t record called...

- Oh, my God.

- Telling the Tale.

Ah, excuse me. Have you carry

another album like this one?

Ah, no, no. Sadly, no.

Oh! Because I need two album.

One album to take home

to Japan. I'm from Japan.

To put in picture frame on wall

to show my high school friends.

And one to play, to listen to it.

One album to play, to listen to it,

and one to put in picture frame on my wall

to show my high school friends, in Japan.

I'm afraid I can't help you.

This is a very, very obscure item.

It's very rare, and

it's quite valuable too.

I know. You not tell me this.

I looked on eBay. Rory MacLachlan.

So popular in Japan. That's where I'm from.

Listen, Jackie Chan, you understand

the meaning of the word "obscure"?

Tunnel of Sound is a rarities

and collectibles emporium.

We sell only the

exceptional and the uncommon.

Now f*** off.

Oh.

- Mister.

- (groans)

You don't understand. I'm a really big fan.

- What?

- A really big fan.

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