Summer of Blood Page #2

- Erik, stop. - Is everything okay here? - Stop.

Everything's really fine.

Of course.

- I'm just holding my woman.

- Let go of me.

She just asked you to let go of her,

so now you let go of her.

- But she's my girlfriend.

- I'm not your girlfriend.

And that's what you're

allowed to do

- when you're dating someone.

- I'm not your girlfriend.

I'll help.

- Do you want to go get a drink?

- Yeah. I would love to.

All right.

- Good-night, Erik.

- Hey... uh...

Have a good night, man.

You should shave,

button up that shirt.

Maybe get a f***ing job.

All right?

Hey.

Jesus Christ.

I thought I was

having a bad night.

You're in bad shape.

Do you need some help?

Can you tell me

what you need?

What can I do for you?

I think your vocal chords

have been ripped out

and you can't speak.

Can you do sign language?

Can you sign what you need?

Can you use sign language?

You do know sign language.

Wow.

I don't know sign language

so I can't help you.

But I dated a deaf girl

in college actually.

She broke up with me

because I was always

farting in front of her.

I didn't think she would mind

so much.

God, we have to stymie

that blood flow.

Holy sh*t.

I wish I could call 911

but I don't have a cell phone.

I don't have a handkerchief.

But my girlfriend makes me

carry a spare tampon

because she forgets

them sometimes.

Let me just try this.

Let me just pull this out here.

No, no.

Don't do that.

Just hold still.

Oh Jesus!

Oh, are you HIV negative,

I hope?

Oh man.

Oh my God. Look...

Hey.

Are you still there?

Are you gone?

Look, you're still

breathing a little bit

so maybe there's still

time possibly.

I'll try to go call for help,

okay?

Maybe keep the wound

elevated if you can?

If you can find the energy to

get to your feet or something,

maybe there's still a chance.

I'll try to go find someone.

Okay?

Hey, hey.

Excuse me.

Sorry to bother you.

Do you have a cell phone

I could use really quickly,

if you don't mind?

No. What?

It's not for me. I don't carry a cell phone.

There's a guy down the alleyway who needs it.

- He's dead.

- What?

What happened?

You should go down there

and look for yourself.

It looks like someone

ripped his throat open.

- What?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Did you go to

Westbrook High School?

I'm sorry, you look

very very familiar to me.

No, where's Westbrook?

It's in Connecticut.

- Oh really.

- Yeah.

No, I didn't go there. Yeah, do I remind you... People

tell me that I remind them of someone all the time.

You totally remind me

of a guy.

I get Jerry Garcia constantly.

- Jerry Garcia?

- Yeah, I totally get that.

Oh my God, my mom was like,

the biggest deadhead.

Was she a deadhead?

She took me to a dead show

right before Jerry died.

- Oh really?

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You do kind of look like Jerry.

Look,

I need to tell you something

but I don't want you

to freak out.

What?

- They're seriously considering getting rid of you.

- Why? - Why?

Because you are by far

the worst sales person

in this office, that's why.

Someone has to be the worst.

And when you consider how good everyone

is here, being the worst isn't bad.

You complain constantly.

Everyone is sick of it,

especially upper management.

Being unsatisfied is

a sign of ambition.

Every day you come in late

and you leave early.

I'm trying to stand out.

- You have no discipline.

- That's not true. I once went three weeks without watching internet porn.

You don't own a cell phone.

I think I have

testicular cancer.

I don't need a brain tumor too.

Do you realize that you are

fundamentally incapable

of taking anything seriously?

Yeah, because there's already

enough drama in the world

as it is. I mean...

Here's the bottom line.

Unless you start pulling your weight around

here, they're going to get rid of you.

It's hard pulling

my weight, Jamie.

- Have you seen my stomach?

- I'm serious.

But you've always taken

things too seriously.

Get your sh*t together.

Jody and I broke up last night.

Hmm?

I broke up with Jody last night.

Who's Jody?

My ex-girlfriend.

Three years,

we've been dating.

Three years.

I thought you were asexual.

Me?

Asexual? Me?

Yeah.

I've had like, three STDs.

That's how asexual I am.

Hello.

- Oh hi, Mr. Waters.

- I was kidding about those STDs.

- What?

- I was kidding about the STDs.

I was joking...

So, I was reviewing

your order and...

I really wish you wouldn't

show up like this unannounced.

I don't have a cell phone.

You know I don't.

- What do you want?

- I just want to talk.

Go ahead.

Jody, forgive me.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Hey.

Oh great.

It's you.

Yeah, it's me.

Hey.

Are you going here to see Jody?

Are you seeing Jody? No. No. No.

I'm going to vacuum

the carpets.

I do that for the building.

Really?

Is that why... really?

No.

I'll be honest with you.

There's an old man on the third floor.

He's got boils all over his back.

I'm here to lance them.

Oh, you're a lancer? I thought you

were a lawyer. No, no, no, no.

I'm a freelance lancer.

A freelancer, if you will.

That's funny

because I have a cyst

you can lance,

right here on the tip

of my finger.

You couldn't afford me.

You're wasting your time, bucko.

She still loves me.

And you don't have

a chance in hell.

Ask me how big my dick is.

Excuse me?

Ask me how big my dick is.

No.

How big is it?

How big?

Ask Jody's vagina.

You're mean.

Hey Penelope.

Penelope.

Do you want to

have dinner tonight?

No.

I was just kidding.

It was a joke.

I wasn't really asking you out.

That was a joke.

But if I had been serious,

the place I would have taken you

is really really nice.

The cheapest thing on the menu

is like, eight dollars.

Okay.

I'm just curious though.

It's because I'm Turkish, right?

I'm Turkish, you're Jewish.

- That's the reason why

- No.

If I were serious,

you wouldn't go out with me.

What's the reason, then?

Why?

What's the reason?

Um...

Spit it out.

You're just not my type.

Be more specific.

You're old.

So, have you ever

been here before?

- This restaurant?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, yeah, I use to come here a lot actually.

- Is your food good? - Yes, it's excellent.

You can try my

salmon if you want.

- I love salmon.

- The salmon's great.

Yeah.

I don't know if its

farm-raised or not,

which is kind of f***ed up,

but you know,

you should try it.

But before you do that,

I want to show you my hand,

to show you why

farm-raised salmon can be...

You see how my hand

shakes like that.

That's due to permanent

nerve damage.

I'm not saying salmon had

something to do with it

but it probably did,

but it's not going to

keep me from enjoying it.

You know what I'm saying?

It's dangerous lead,

but f*** it.

Also, I want to point out

this guy over here.

This Middle Eastern

dude over there.

He has the

backpack at his table.

Don't look...

Yeah.

What's in the backpack?

You know what I'm saying?

- You understand the point I'm trying to make?

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