Sunset PPL

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1

I talked to Amanda on five

different social platforms.

I messaged WhatsApp, Facebook, Snapchat,

GChat, not to mention

that one time on LinkedIn

when I endorsed her bartending skills...

which was, in reality, a complete lie,

because she's a terrible mixologist.

We text late into the night

about music, art, culture, cuisine...

my emotions on a roller coaster ride

with every buzz of my phone.

Three months of this,

and for the life of me,

I can't get her to commit to a date.

What's that?

Seriously? Was anyone listening?

Just do us all a favor,

and kill yourself.

That line should be "murder yourself."

Just do ourselves a

favor, and murder yourself.

Sorry, Jack, I'm doing like

ten other things around here.

Andrea, your mother on my call.

She says she's concerned about

the rash on Robbie's inner thigh.

- Your mother's gonna get me fired.

- Oh, Lord.

To be fair, it's a pretty legit rash.

Hey, guys, can we top messing

around here? This is pretty serious.

[Laughing]

Really good, Veronica.

See, it's all about being truthful.

- Okay, awesome.

- Oh, my God.

- This chick is terrible.

- You guys hear that?

- Soy milk.

- Sorry. So anyway.

Back to Amanda.

You may want to ease up

on those texts, Jack.

She's already been written up twice.

Jack, you need to turn

this online exchange of ones and zeros

into an off-line

exchange of bodily fluids.

Ew.

Okay, the thing is,

Every time I bring up

actually doing something

in real life, she's always like,

"Sure, sounds good.

"Text me when you're there.

Uh-oh, something came up."

She's just super flaky.

It's easy to be flaky

when you can hide behind a screen.

For example, my old college roommate

has been messaging me

on Facebook all day.

Rather than telling her I'm busy

like a decent human being,

I just ignore her.

That's life.

I need some of Andrea's

avocado body butter.

Wait, hold up.

Have you actually straight up

asked this girl out on a date?

Like, with a specific location and time?

Um, isn't that kind of forward?

Ask her to go glow in the dark bowling.

It's a very popular

first date destination.

Just text her "Glow

in the dark bowling,"

period, "Tomorrow. Period," period.

"Period," as in "That's

it," not double period.

Don't you dare put a double period.

I don't know.

- I need a second to think.

- Come on, Jack.

You got to put yourself out there.

We're all here for you.

- Andrea, line two.

- Got to go.

This is Andrea.

Andrea. Oh, thank God.

I don't think my messages

have been going through.

It... it's me, Talia.

Talia?

I don't understand why everything

has to be so difficult.

I... I don't think I'm asking for much.

Guess what?

I'm in L.A.

Where... where in L.A.?

I just want to have a

face-to-face conversation

with a female girl of the opposite sex

for once in my life.

I need some fresh air.

[door slams]

[whispering] There's a girl outside.

- Sorry, I wasn't expecting...

- Both:
Oh.

- Guests today.

- Excuse me.

- Yeah, get it.

- Yeah, just let me...

- Thank you.

- There you go.

- Appreciate it.

- Hey.

Yours or Andrea's?

What do you think?

- Andrea.

- Hey.

Talia.

[laughs] It's been so long.

So long.

Have you met everyone?

Yeah. Well, kind of.

Guys, this is Talia,

my former roommate from NYU.

Hi.

So...

what are you doing in L.A.?

I kind of walked out of my

major thesis presentation.

You did what?

Oh, my PhD at Harvard.

I was standing in front

of all my colleagues

and the dean of my college,

the entire mathematics department...

Lecturing on model theory, obviously.

Obviously.

And all of a sudden, I started thinking

- about Mr. Peplinski.

- Mr. Peplinski?

You know, Mr. Peplinski,

that professor we had at NYU.

Remember that class we took together?

"Feminism in Modern Theatre and

Post-Industrial Globalization."

For some reason,

all I could think

about was Mr. Peplinski

and that all-female production

we did of "Glengarry Glen Ross."

You guys Ghostbuster'd

"Glengarry Glen Ross"?

I was ten minutes away from

accomplishing everything

I've worked for in the last ten years,

and it hit me.

My whole life, I've been

living the safe plan,

the backup plan, plan B.

So I walked out.

And you came here?

Yeah, I mean, where else would I go?

I want to be an actress.

Amazing.

I mean, it's you guys who

inspired me to move to L.A.

We did?

Yeah, I've sort of been

following you all on Facebook.

Mel, you're a stand-up comedian, right?

And, Dougie, you're some...

- YouTube star.

- Star, yes.

And, Anj, you have this great job

- at a movie studio.

- Mm.

And your husband, Robbie,

works at that sick bar in Malibu

where all the celebrities go.

And you...

I'm sorry; I don't know you.

What do you do?

I'm a business analyst.

Yeah. See, that's what I mean.

You guys are all going for it.

You're not living your plan Bs.

You're living your plan As.

So I was thinking, can

I crash with you, Anj?

I mean, that's what people do

when they move to L.A., right?

They couch surf?

This isn't fair.

You're asking me to give up the raft

for a random stranger?

It's mine, Robbie.

I'm not sleeping on the

floor like an animal.

Lower your voice.

She's not a random stranger, you idiot.

She's Andrea's friend,

and the raft is mine.

My parents had it imported for me

when we were in sixth grade.

I still don't understand

why a 12-year-old

would ask for an imported Italian sofa.

I've always been interested

in interior design,

and you know that.

I was thinking we could see

the Hollywood sign tomorrow?

Maybe Venice Beach?

Is Harry Potter World close?

Actually, I... I have

a pretty full schedule

at work this week, Talia,

- but maybe Mel...

- [phone chiming]

Oh, snap, that's my stepdad

coming to take me to my show.

Dougie.

No.

It's my home, Robbie.

It's my only sense of security

since the actions of

she-who-must-not-be-named

left me cold and alone

in this crazy, messed-up world.

I'm not giving it up, damn it.

Thanks so much for letting me stay, Anj.

I know you have a

super busy day tomorrow,

but do you think we

could at least grab lunch?

I'll try and squeeze it in, Talia.

We'll talk tomorrow?

- Okay.

- Good night.

Night.

[door closes]

This isn't fair.

Oh, my God. You scared me.

I tried to be nice in front

of Anj and Robbie, but, no.

You want equal rights for women?

Then say good-bye to gentlemen like me.

You can take the floor.

The raft is mine.

Okay. We can share.

Just stay on your side

and don't make it awkward.

And why do you keep calling

the couch "the raft"?

I'm sorry, Talia.

I don't think we know

each other well enough yet

for me to answer that question.

Can you believe her?

Are you okay?

I mean, what the hell

happened between you two?

After we graduated, we made plans

to get an apartment together.

Talia was dead set on being an actress.

She even had her ears

surgically pinned back

because Mr. Peplinski

said that they were too big

for her to be a leading lady.

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