Super Page #4

And to think I missed

the field hockey game

all because Jim and I

were heavy-petting.

Thank goodness we didn't do more.

If only the two of you

would have had

premarital sexual intercourse,

then I would have won,

and you would be

damned to hell forever.

But they didn't have

intercourse, Demonswill.

You see, no matter

how much peer pressure

Holly and Jimmy were under

to do what society

said was right,

they knew in their hearts,

they couldn't throw away

what Jesus

had called on them to do.

Fudge.

Toby, Toby, be careful, man.

And I don't want nothing missing.

So you want something missing?

What?

You just said a double negative, Abe.

You don't want nothing missing.

That means you want something missing.

Hey, these people,

this Range guy ain't gonna f*** around.

You know how hard it was

to get this sh*t

into this country?

I know.

- Well, good!

That hurt, Abe.

Okay, baby.

Thanks, brother.

Well, it all looks good.

I can tell you that.

Definitely.

You ready for this?

Okay, so this is kind of like

hitting the champagne bottle

off the side of the boat, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, baby.

How do you feel?

Good?

Is that good?

That's good.

I love you.

I love you so much.

I love you.

Oh, my beautiful angel.

You are so delicious.

What the f*** is that?

Face the wrath of The Crimson Bolt!

That's Sarah's husband, man.

That's him.

F***, he saw everything.

Go get him.

Go get him!

Go on!

Go, go, go, go!

Come back here,

motherf***er!

There.

You can't hide, Frank!

You're dead!

Go!

I got him!

I got him!

This place is pretty cool.

You know what I'm saying?

Libby, somebody's here!

Libby!

She's such a whore.

I swear.

Hang on just a second.

Libby, some guy who looks

like a bum is at the front door.

His name's Frank.

- Frank.

Frank?

Frank!

Why are you wearing

garbage bags?

I need to talk to you.

Oh, okay.

Hey, everybody,

this is Frank.

No. No. Please.

Frank, Molly.

Okay.

- Christian.

Hey, what's up?

And Melissa.

Will, Grant.

Hello.

- Brian and Steve.

Pleasure to meet you, sir.

That is Mr. Jake hiding over there.

Okay, okay.

Listen.

I need to talk to you.

It's important.

Please.

Well, let's go back

to my bedroom.

No, Christian.

What?

They're after me.

And I was shot.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Lib, babe,

you okay?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

You're him.

I knew it.

This is so cool.

This is so f***ing-

Are you gonna die?

I don't think so.

We got to clean this up.

I mean, we can't take you to the hospital

because this is a gunshot wound.

They'd have to call the police.

I mean, it's the law.

It's the law.

I know.

Take off your pants.

No.

Then I'd be in my underwear.

Look, just do it.

It's inappropriate.

I'll get them out of here.

I won't say a thing.

My God.

My hand is trembling.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

See you.

Bye.

Libby, are you sure

you want to be here alone

with this guy?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It's good.

It's... something really important

came up.

So I'm just gonna

deal with it.

Yeah. You go.

Yeah.

All right, good night.

Okay, Christian,

you gotta go.

Okay, who is that guy?

Is that your sugar daddy?

I don't have to tell you anything.

You don't have to tell me anything?

No.

- Okay, fine.

Well, you enjoy that candy

that your sugar daddy buys you.

Oh, I will.

Wait.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna get the bullet out.

No.

It's clean.

It passed clean through.

No-no-no,

but there's particles-

Just...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know.

I should have

used ibuprofens.

I was gonna use ibuprofens.

How were you gonna use ibuprofens?

What were you gonna do with them?

I'll wrap it.

I'm gonna wrap it.

Here.

No, I'll do it.

I can...

Let me do it.

So am I the only one

that knows you're him?

Yeah.

No, the guys who shot me,

they know.

They know your secret identity?

F***!

Yeah.

And where I live.

You can stay here.

Thank you.

No, I was there.

You told me you weren't there

when Robbie was shot.

I was there maybe for a minute, not much.

A minute?

- Yeah.

It doesn't take a minute to get shot.

I know, I know, but it was like,

the guy was running out...

Holy crap.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Hello?

Welcome home, Frank.

Thud!

That's not him, you guys.

Then why did you shoot, man?

You shot!

I saw you move your finger.

You're gonna try

to blame this on me.

That's f***ing evil, man!

Would you shut up?

He's a cop?

I just did what he did, Abe.

If the cops are after Darbo,

and he saw the dope in...

Yeah, I know.

So can we get the body

out of here, huh?

Move it.

Thanks, Hamilton.

I will.

Okay.

Good-bye.

Hey, Frank?

I told the diner that I had pneumonia.

You sure it's okay

if I stay here?

Yeah, yeah.

I want to show you something.

What?

So what do you think?

Cartwheels.

Well, you see...

you see what

I'm getting at here.

No.

Batman had Robin.

The original Human Torch

had Toro.

The Flash had Kid Flash.

I could be

your kid sidekick.

How old are you?

Well, I'm 22, you know.

But compared to you, I'm a one.

I'm a kid, right?

I guess.

Right, now, look.

The most important thing,

obviously, is the name.

All right.

And you got to think of it

like how it sounds

with The Crimson Bolt.

All right?

So, um...

Okay.

The Crimson Bolt and Bolt Girl.

The Crimson Bolt and Kid Crimson.

The Crimson Bolt and The Creeping Bam.

What's a creeping bam?

What's a toro?

What the f*** is a robin?

A robin is bird.

Why is he named after a bird?

Because he...

he's loyal.

Frank, The Creeping Bam

is just this, like,

fantastic phrase,

you know?

And I wasn't gonna tell you before,

but it's my favorite.

Oh, it's very good.

You're lying.

I don't need a kid sidekick.

Are you kidding me?

No.

Look what happens to you

when you don't have a kid sidekick.

You get shot by people.

Frank, you team up with me,

and I swear to f***ing God

that we will take those cocksuckers down

that stole your wife.

Frank?

Yeah?

Are you ready?

Yeah.

May I present to you...

Boltie!

That's inappropriate.

How do I look?

It's good.

All right, Frank.

Let's do this.

Let's go get

this Jock f***er.

No.

They have guns.

We're not ready yet.

Well, we can fight some other crime.

You know, you can show me how to do it.

You can give me the one-two.

No, my leg isn't healed yet.

Frank, don't be a p*ssy!

Come on!

I should do something about this.

You know what?

I'm gonna get some snacks.

So this is what you do?

Yeah.

You just sit here

and wait for crime to happen?

That's right.

This is so boring.

We gotta find a criminal,

you know?

We gotta go out there,

and we gotta find a criminal.

We gotta teach them a lesson

that they'll never forget.

Like who?

Well, like this guy Jerry.

He keyed my friend's car.

I mean, he completely just...

he just f***ed the side of it right up.

That's not cool.

No, it is not.

And it is illegal.

And he never paid the price.

Are you Jerry?

Halloween was,

like, a month ago, bro.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes