Super Troopers 2

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(DRUMROLL)

(FANFARE PLAYING)

(MUSIC ENDS)

Yes, I ride the lightning,

yes, I'm on the go

And when I go down slow,

I need more power now

It keeps me damn lucky,

yes, I just won't stop

I'm lit to pop, oh, yes,

I got the power now

( MUSIC )

I got a secret

that I'm gonna tell

I'm feeling power

from the pit of Hell, yeah

(SIREN WAILING)

The power's flowing

and it just won't stop

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

I touch a woman, make the

flesh burn hot, yeah

Want love to spread,

I think I'm gonna spread it

The secret's easy,

now lend me your ear

Don't hesitate,

there's not a thing to fear

Oh yes I ride the lightning,

yes I'm on the go

And when I go down slow

I need more power now

(POUNDING)

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Do you know how fast

you were going?

No, I don't, Officer.

Turn that radio off, please.

That's not the radio.

That's the band practicing.

(SNIFFING)

Is that marijuana?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

You got a party bowl up there?

Mm, nah.

It's okay, it's okay.

Is it good?

(STRAINED) Mm.

Yeah. Open it up!

I'm f***ing boarding you!

DRIVER:
5-0!

5-0 coming on board.

Officer, you can't

just waltz on in here!

Do you know

who these guys are?

Unplug this sh*t right now.

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

No way.

No f***ing way.

I got a secret

that I'm gonna tell

I'm feeling power

from the pit of hell, yeah

I got something to say

I think

I'm gonna say it

Holy sh*t!

You guys are the highway cops

that got shut down

and became local cops.

Then due to some

kinda crazy "incident"...

you got kicked off

of that force,

so you started playing music.

And before you knew it,

you won America's Got Talent.

You're Cracklin' Bacon!

What a long,

strange trip it's been.

I love you guys! (CHUCKLING)

Oh, I gotta tell my partner.

He's not gonna believe this!

Okay, hold on.

- Dude, you gotta get over here right now.

- WAGNER:
Copy.

He's gonna sh*t his pants.

MAC:
You know what

would be hilarious?

When he comes on the bus,

kick him in the nuts

as hard as you can.

- Really?

- Just drill the guy!

What the hell

is going on in here?

- (GROANS)

- (ALL EXCLAIMING)

(WAGNER COUGHING)

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, my God!

You're Cracklin' Bacon!

You guys are my favorite band,

like, ever!

What? You didn't even know

who Cracklin' Bacon was...

until I played them

for you.

Yeah, I did!

Oh, really?

What's your favorite song?

"Pulled Pork."

- Yeah? How does it go then?

- Uh...

I'm gonna eat you

like a pulled pork sandwich

Get inside your bread

like a hot steak Manwich

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

This guy's got some pipes!

Hey, how would you like

to join Cracklin' Bacon?

We're looking

for a new lead singer.

Holy sh*t! (LAUGHING)

Yeah, oh, I can do it

better than him.

I'm gonna eat you

like a pulled pork sandwich

Kung Fu you

like a Jackie Chan-wich

- (ALL EXCLAIMS)

- Not bad.

(LAUGHS)

You guys clearly

have the sound.

But do you have the moves?

Hit it.

(BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC)

- Fist-pumps!

- (ALL CHEERING)

- Pelvic thrusts.

- (BOTH PUFFING)

Shake your tail feathers.

- Shake that ass.

- (ALL CHEERS)

Now kiss each other.

I'm sorry. Come again?

Come on, rock and roll!

Rock and roll, baby!

- WOMAN #1:
Do it!

- MEN:
Kiss him!

(CHANTING) Kiss him! Kiss him!

Kiss him! Kiss him!

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(LAUGHTER)

I knew

you were f***ing with us.

You're f***ing

with us, man!

All right, all right.

You guys clearly have

what it takes

for rock and roll.

But there's one more test

you gotta pass

before we let you

join Cracklin' Bacon.

We wanna know if you can

keep up with Juicy Lucy.

(ALL EXCLAIM TEASINGLY)

She looks

pretty juicy to me.

Oh, no, she's

in the back, okay?

But I warn you,

she can be quite a handful.

Let's go handle that!

ALL:
(CHANTING) Juicy Lucy!

Juicy Lucy! Juicy Lucy!

About to get juicy up in here!

WOMAN #1:
Hey, baby.

Hello, Juicy Lucy.

Oh, that's not Lucy.

Lucy's better.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, man!

Fellas, on the other side

of this door

is everlasting fame and glory.

You get the giney,

I'll get the hiney.

(BEEPS)

Say hello to Lucy! (YELLS)

(BOTH GROANS)

Move it or lose it!

It's time to cruise it!

Let's do it!

(TYRES SCREECH)

Motherf***er!

(BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(LAUGHING)

- Son-of-a-b*tch!

- Crap damnit!

We sang our hearts off

for those guys. Our hearts!

(SIREN WAILING)

THORNY:
We got company.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(LAUGHING)

Can't outrun the law,

motherf***er!

Don't hesitate,

there's not a thing to fear

F*** you, Cracklin' Bacon!

Whoa!

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(OFFICERS SCREAMING)

Oh, sh*t!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Motherf***er.

Eat it. Eat it.

Eat it. Eat it.

(GUNSHOTS)

- (GUNSHOTS CONTINUE)

- (SHOUTING)

Ah.

(ALL CHEERING)

Suck these

f***ing bullets, b*tch!

- (GUNSHOTS)

- (GLASS SHATTERS)

(GASPS AND WHIMPERS)

- (GLASS SHATTERS)

- (MUSIC STOPS)

Oh, sh*t! Mac. Hey,

stay with me. Stay with me.

(WHEEZING) We almost got

those stupid cops...

(CHUCKLES)

- ...to kiss.

- Sh*t.

(SCREAMING)

What's that?

What the...

Whoa! (YELLS)

(OFFICERS SHRIEKING)

Sh*t!

(SIGHS)

Hey.

I still love those guys.

Yeah, they're cool as hell.

(CHUCKLES)

I mean, look at him.

Still cool.

We should probably hide

that body, though.

Yeah.

Hey, great driving, Thorn!

Thorny? Thorny?

Oh, my God! He's dead!

- Oh, no!

- Ha-ha!

- Aha!

- I got you, motherf***er!

(LAUGHTER)

- I'm not dead! I'm alive!

- He's alive!

Look out!

Holy...

(ALL YELLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

- (GRUNTS)

- (SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(SHOUTS)

- Ahhh!

- (YELLING)

(SHOUTS MANIACALLY)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

- (FARVA LAUGHS)

- (SIGHS)

You sleeping, baby boy?

No, I'm just checking out

the ceiling, Farva.

Good work up there.

All right, pull out your caulk

and let's go.

What?

Let's go! I'm standing here

with my caulk in my hand.

Grab your caulk,

let's put it in the holes!

Come on, let me see

that big caulk.

Oh, shut up.

Show me your Rabbit caulk!

MAC:
You know

what's funny, Farva?

You've made that joke

400 times

and it still sucks.

F*** you, Mac.

You don't talk to your

site supervisor like that.

That's one demerit

on your permanent record.

(GASPS)On my permanent

construction record?

That's right. You want

another one, keep it up.

Yeah, give me another

and I'll pinch your dick.

- That's two. You want to go for three?

- Okay.

Bingo! You got it!

You want another one?

- Pretty, pretty please.

- You got it!

- You want another one?

- I'll take them all!

That's seven!

You want another one?!

Give me ten!

Bingo!

Mac! Stop.

You mess with the bull,

you get covered in bullshit.

(CHEWING LOUDLY)

- What a tool.

- Yeah.

I had the craziest dream.

Who were the cops this time?

Stifler and Damon Wayans Jr.

Did they almost kiss?

Yeah. Yeah.

Almost got them to.

(COUNTRY MUSIC

RINGTONE PLAYING)

Uh, hello.

- Morning, Mac!

- Good morning, Uncle Argyle.

Code names? Is Farva nearby?

Oh, yeah. Spitting distance.

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