Superbad
This is for your friends.
Here, have another one.
Sh*t. Oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t.
Oh, my God. What do We do?
- Come on. Come on.
- Choose one.
- We can slip out the back, man.
- Come on. Let's hurry up and do this.
Are you crazy, man?
Wanna end up like that guy?
Not me. I need my nuts, man,
for a lot of things.
- We need liquor.
- You need it. I don't.
I'm gonna tell Becca hoW I feel.
Maybe she'll get With me.
I'm not gonna get her
drunk out of her mind.
Oh, really? Then hoW come
you never made a move, you p*ssy?
Because I respect her, Seth. I'm not
gonna put unfair pressure on her.
I don't see a problem.
Let's just do it.
We're leaving, okay?
You Wanna get killed for liquor?
No, but I Would get killed for p*ssy,
no questions asked.
- F*** this, man.
- You're just gonna bail on me?
- I'm going.
- F***ing b*tch.
Move, people.
- Thank you.
- Oh, I love this place.
What the hell is going on in there?
hit the deck.
You pissed everyWhere,
you son of a b*tch!
EveryWhere? You didn't
see me pissing anyWhere.
I don't knoW
What you're talking about.
Take your nuts out of your shells!
Michaels, I got your back.
Why don't you shoW this rummy
hoW We roll?
Excuse me, sir.
Stop What you are doing at once.
- Blue guys!
- Resisting. Resisting!
- Slater!
- Michaels!
Everybody stay calm.
- Everybody stay calm.
- Get the f*** out of my Way!
Stay calm! F***!
- No, no, no!
- No!
- Stop him, McLovin!
McLovin, stop him!
Do it, do it, do it, do it!
Please stop it, you f***ing bum.
What the f***?
McLovin! Nice!
He just came at me.
I took him doWn.
- I'm buying you a beer, McLovin.
- I'm buying you one too.
Take note. That's hoW
you take doWn a motherf***er.
That's right.
McLovin in the f***ing house!
Hey. You dance hot.
Thank you.
Okay, okay. Here We-- Here We go.
- Hello?
- Evan, it's Becca.
Oh, Becca. Hi.
Hey. Hello. Hey. Becca.
- Becca--
- Evan, can you hear me?
- Hello? What?
- Can you hear- -? Piece of sh*t!
Guy sells me
a piece of sh*t f***ing phone.
- Becca?
- It's Becca.
I get one bar
everywhere I f***ing go.
- What is he saying?
- F***ing a**hole.
- I think--
- What happened?
Son-of-a-f***ing-b*tch
phone company.
- What? It's rude. Hello?
- F***. You suck.
Bullshit phone. Piece of sh*t.
so f***ing hard.
- What?
- Bec--?
Thanks.
This is f***ing crazy.
Hey. Look What fell out of the truck!
You're full of sh*t.
Yeah, I knoW.
Dude. Dude.
We're so gonna get f***ed up.
- All right.
- Hey.
What is that?
I don't knoW. What?
That f***ing stain on your pants, idiot.
What is that?
- What are you talking about, man?
- Dude.
- Is that blood?
- What the f*** is that?
- Are you bleeding?
- I'm not cut or anything.
- Why Would I be bleeding?
- It's f***ing blood, man.
Were you dancing
With some chick in there?
- Yeah, so?
- It's blood.
- Dude, that's not funny.
- It's blood, dude.
But Why Would I be bleeding?
Why the f*** Would I be bl--?
Dude, Why Would there be bl--?
Oh, f***. Oh, my God.
Oh, sh*t.
Someone perioded
on my f***ing leg?
- Oh, sh*t.
- What the f*** do I do?
I've never before
seen that in my life!
This is so disgusting.
- Yes, it is.
- I'm gonna go get Bill.
- He's gotta check this sh*t out.
- F***, yeah.
No. Who's Bill? Don't tell Bill!
Bill has nothing to do With this!
Hey, calm doWn.
Let me get a picture of that real quick.
No, you can't have a picture!
- Dude, stop!
- Bill, Bill! Check it out!
This kid's got period blood
on his slacks.
It's merlot.
That's What you don't get.
Hey, Pat! This jerk-off's
got period blood on his pants!
- Please stop.
- God, man, let me see.
Oh, my God,
that's a f***ing man-gina, man.
- Do you need a tampon? I could--
- Wait, Wait. I have one! I have one!
Yeah, right? I don't knoW.
- I gotta Wash this off. Is this the line?
- What does it look like?
F*** me, right?
"Yeah, I'm McLovin.
I'd like to buy some--"
Sh*t.
- ReWind, reWind.
- ReWind it. Yeah!
So hot. Let's see it again.
- Your legs lifted off the ground.
- That is bona fide badass, man.
You gotta keep that tape, McLovin.
It is badass.
- It really is.
- Really?
Well, don't you guys, like,
need it for, like, evidence or...?
The only thing that's evidence of
is you can take a hit like a champ.
Seriously. Take that.
Are there any ladies
We'd like to shoW this tape to?
No. You don't Wanna meet a chick
in a bar, man. Seriously.
That Was a turning point
in my life, When I realized that.
You gotta go to other places. You gotta
go to a spin class, a farmers' market...
...pumpkin patch,
given the time of year.
Just someWhere social,
non-threatening.
- You knoW, something like that.
- Yeah, I met the missus at paintball.
Yeah, I shot her in the neck.
And We just... .
And We just hit it off, you knoW.
My first Wife--
Who is a Whore, by the Way.
- Where do you think I met her?
A bar. A bar.
- It Was this bar.
- It Was this bar.
Yeah, it Was this bar.
Bought her a Binion's,
complimented her on her tote bag...
...and next thing I knoW, she's putting
her mouth around the tip of my penis.
You don't have to tell me that.
- Right in there.
- She opened up my World, sexually.
On our Wedding night,
We had group sex.
I Wasn't involved in it.
- But I could hear it through the Wall.
- I Was.
She Was amazing. And then it Was
exactly 23 months later...
...that I found out
she Was an actual Whore.
- We discovered her on the street.
- Yeah.
I'm sorry.
She Was bad.
F***ing Whoring b*tch.
- But you got a neW Wife noW, so... .
- Yeah. Yeah.
And she is Wonderful.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You'll meet her.
You knoW What?
I bet I knoW your trick, McLovin.
- You play the Whole myst--
- Calling all units.
Just turn that off.
Send backup!
There's so much blood- -
I bet you play the Whole
mysterious-guy thing, right?
Yeah, seriously.
HoW's it going With the ladies?
It's not the going With the ladies
I care about...
...it's the coming.
- I get it.
- What is it? What is it?
Like:
Like coming.
- That's funny. That is really funny.
- Oh, my God.
All right, looks like We got a call.
We can't pay for these.
- Speedy Gonzales, let's go.
- We should get road beers.
Hell, yeah,
We should get some road beers.
Can I have 13 beers to go, please?
Please. God, my f***ing leg.
F***.
- I think it's him.
- Is it him?
- Hello?
- Hey, Becca.
Hi, I had a bad reception.
So about your Goldslick... .
- Guys, shut up.
- Hey, What's going on over there?
It's nothing. It's just--
I Was just calling, you knoW,
to see if you Were coming...
...because I thought maybe you Were
stuck at, like, a nightclub...
...or a cocktail party or something.
No, no, I'm gonna be there for sure.
Full throttle.
- Charlie's Angels 2.
- Awesome.
- I can't wait to see you. Evan?
- Okay, bye.
That Was the first time I ever did coke.
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"Superbad" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/superbad_19139>.
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