Superbad

This is for your friends.

Here, have another one.

Sh*t. Oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t.

Oh, my God. What do We do?

- Come on. Come on.

- Choose one.

- We can slip out the back, man.

- Come on. Let's hurry up and do this.

Are you crazy, man?

Wanna end up like that guy?

Not me. I need my nuts, man,

for a lot of things.

- We need liquor.

- You need it. I don't.

I'm gonna tell Becca hoW I feel.

Maybe she'll get With me.

I'm not gonna get her

drunk out of her mind.

Oh, really? Then hoW come

you never made a move, you p*ssy?

Because I respect her, Seth. I'm not

gonna put unfair pressure on her.

I don't see a problem.

Let's just do it.

We're leaving, okay?

You Wanna get killed for liquor?

No, but I Would get killed for p*ssy,

no questions asked.

- F*** this, man.

- You're just gonna bail on me?

- I'm going.

- F***ing b*tch.

Move, people.

- Thank you.

- Oh, I love this place.

What the hell is going on in there?

If the bullets start flying,

hit the deck.

You pissed everyWhere,

you son of a b*tch!

EveryWhere? You didn't

see me pissing anyWhere.

I don't knoW

What you're talking about.

Take your nuts out of your shells!

Michaels, I got your back.

Why don't you shoW this rummy

hoW We roll?

Excuse me, sir.

Stop What you are doing at once.

- Blue guys!

- Resisting. Resisting!

- Slater!

- Michaels!

Everybody stay calm.

- Everybody stay calm.

- Get the f*** out of my Way!

Stay calm! F***!

- Should I shoot him?

- No, no, no!

- No!

- Stop him, McLovin!

McLovin, stop him!

Do it, do it, do it, do it!

Please stop it, you f***ing bum.

What the f***?

McLovin! Nice!

He just came at me.

I took him doWn.

- I'm buying you a beer, McLovin.

- I'm buying you one too.

Take note. That's hoW

you take doWn a motherf***er.

That's right.

McLovin in the f***ing house!

Hey. You dance hot.

Thank you.

Okay, okay. Here We-- Here We go.

- Hello?

- Evan, it's Becca.

Oh, Becca. Hi.

Hey. Hello. Hey. Becca.

- Becca--

- Evan, can you hear me?

- Hello? What?

- Can you hear- -? Piece of sh*t!

Guy sells me

a piece of sh*t f***ing phone.

- Becca?

- It's Becca.

I get one bar

everywhere I f***ing go.

- What is he saying?

- F***ing a**hole.

- I think--

- What happened?

Son-of-a-f***ing-b*tch

phone company.

- What? It's rude. Hello?

- F***. You suck.

Bullshit phone. Piece of sh*t.

I swear I'll bitchslap you

so f***ing hard.

- What?

- Bec--?

Thanks.

This is f***ing crazy.

Hey. Look What fell out of the truck!

You're full of sh*t.

Yeah, I knoW.

Dude. Dude.

We're so gonna get f***ed up.

- All right.

- Hey.

What is that?

I don't knoW. What?

That f***ing stain on your pants, idiot.

What is that?

- What are you talking about, man?

- Dude.

- Is that blood?

- What the f*** is that?

- Are you bleeding?

- I'm not cut or anything.

- Why Would I be bleeding?

- It's f***ing blood, man.

Were you dancing

With some chick in there?

- Yeah, so?

- It's blood.

- Dude, that's not funny.

- It's blood, dude.

But Why Would I be bleeding?

Why the f*** Would I be bl--?

Dude, Why Would there be bl--?

Oh, f***. Oh, my God.

Oh, sh*t.

I'm gonna f***ing throW up.

Someone perioded

on my f***ing leg?

- Oh, sh*t.

- What the f*** do I do?

I've never before

seen that in my life!

This is so disgusting.

- Yes, it is.

- I'm gonna go get Bill.

- He's gotta check this sh*t out.

- F***, yeah.

No. Who's Bill? Don't tell Bill!

Bill has nothing to do With this!

Hey, calm doWn.

Let me get a picture of that real quick.

No, you can't have a picture!

- Dude, stop!

- Bill, Bill! Check it out!

This kid's got period blood

on his slacks.

It's merlot.

That's What you don't get.

Hey, Pat! This jerk-off's

got period blood on his pants!

- Please stop.

- God, man, let me see.

Oh, my God,

that's a f***ing man-gina, man.

- Do you need a tampon? I could--

- Wait, Wait. I have one! I have one!

Yeah, right? I don't knoW.

- I gotta Wash this off. Is this the line?

- What does it look like?

F*** me, right?

"Yeah, I'm McLovin.

I'd like to buy some--"

Sh*t.

- ReWind, reWind.

- ReWind it. Yeah!

So hot. Let's see it again.

- Your legs lifted off the ground.

- That is bona fide badass, man.

You gotta keep that tape, McLovin.

It is badass.

- It really is.

- Really?

Well, don't you guys, like,

need it for, like, evidence or...?

The only thing that's evidence of

is you can take a hit like a champ.

Seriously. Take that.

Are there any ladies

We'd like to shoW this tape to?

No. You don't Wanna meet a chick

in a bar, man. Seriously.

That Was a turning point

in my life, When I realized that.

You gotta go to other places. You gotta

go to a spin class, a farmers' market...

...pumpkin patch,

given the time of year.

Just someWhere social,

non-threatening.

- You knoW, something like that.

- Yeah, I met the missus at paintball.

Yeah, I shot her in the neck.

And We just... .

And We just hit it off, you knoW.

My first Wife--

Who is a Whore, by the Way.

- Where do you think I met her?

A bar. A bar.

- It Was this bar.

- It Was this bar.

Yeah, it Was this bar.

Bought her a Binion's,

complimented her on her tote bag...

...and next thing I knoW, she's putting

her mouth around the tip of my penis.

You don't have to tell me that.

- Right in there.

- She opened up my World, sexually.

On our Wedding night,

We had group sex.

I Wasn't involved in it.

- But I could hear it through the Wall.

- I Was.

She Was amazing. And then it Was

exactly 23 months later...

...that I found out

she Was an actual Whore.

- We discovered her on the street.

- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

She Was bad.

F***ing Whoring b*tch.

- But you got a neW Wife noW, so... .

- Yeah. Yeah.

And she is Wonderful.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You'll meet her.

You knoW What?

I bet I knoW your trick, McLovin.

- You play the Whole myst--

- Calling all units.

Just turn that off.

Send backup!

There's so much blood- -

I bet you play the Whole

mysterious-guy thing, right?

Yeah, seriously.

HoW's it going With the ladies?

It's not the going With the ladies

I care about...

...it's the coming.

- I get it.

- What is it? What is it?

Like:

Like coming.

- That's funny. That is really funny.

- Oh, my God.

All right, looks like We got a call.

We can't pay for these.

- Speedy Gonzales, let's go.

- We should get road beers.

Hell, yeah,

We should get some road beers.

Can I have 13 beers to go, please?

Please. God, my f***ing leg.

F***.

- I think it's him.

- Is it him?

- Hello?

- Hey, Becca.

Hi, I had a bad reception.

So about your Goldslick... .

- Guys, shut up.

- Hey, What's going on over there?

It's nothing. It's just--

I Was just calling, you knoW,

to see if you Were coming...

...because I thought maybe you Were

stuck at, like, a nightclub...

...or a cocktail party or something.

No, no, I'm gonna be there for sure.

Full throttle.

- Charlie's Angels 2.

- Awesome.

- I can't wait to see you. Evan?

- Okay, bye.

That Was the first time I ever did coke.

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