Superbad Page #2

Off that b*tch's nipple. That Was so--

- A little White sniff.

- That Was aWesome.

That Was gorgeous.

Hey, hey, hey.

You guys, stay in this room, man.

They're gonna kill that guy tonight.

That chick's boyfriend is pissed.

Yeah. He's a beast.

I've been praying for a fight.

I'm literally Waking up and praying...

...to see a f***ing fight.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Who's that guy?

- Hi.

- Who is that guy?

- Who's this guy?

- Pleasure to see you fellas.

Hi, everyone.

- Who are you?

- I'm nobody.

No, no, no. I knoW you. I knoW you.

He Was at that party

I Was telling you about.

- No, no.

- Who is it?

Remember? He's Jimmy's brother.

The guy. The singer.

- No.

- He's the guy With the beautiful voice.

- The f***ing singer, Jimmy's brother!

- That's not me, man.

- Oh, my God.

- Sing for us! Sing.

"It's not me"? You f***ing lying?

No, I don't mean to accuse you guys

of being ill-informed, but--

My brother came from Scottsdale,

Arizona to be here.

You're not gonna sing for him?

- F***ing bullshit.

- Sing.

- You're a f***ing singer.

- You sing good.

- Sing it again.

- Like a bird.

- No, I knoW, I just-- I Want to.

- You Want a line of cocaine?

- No Way, man.

- Yeah.

Don't make this Weird. Sing.

- Sing it again.

- Turbo.

- F***! Over!

- Okay, Watch this.

I'll get it right on the nose.

You're gonna f*** it up.

You're gonna f*** it up.

Under!

I feel hammered.

That doesn't make any sense.

- You're a f***ing p*ssy.

- Okay, okay. Great, great.

- Okay, McLovin, see if you can do it.

- The kid's gonna nail it.

Come on, McLovin.

Do it, buddy. Come on, buddy!

- Bring it!

- 0.08, motherfuckers!

- Man!

- That's my boy!

- Yes!

- Beginner's luck. Beginner's luck.

So, What's it like to have guns?

It is aWesome, McLovin.

- I mean, it's mindbl--

- It's great.

I haven't had one for long,

a feW months, but I'll tell you...

...it's like having tWo c*cks.

- Yup.

If one of your c*cks

could kill someone.

- Can I hold one?

- What?

Can I hold one of your guns?

- Yeah, sure.

- Fine With me. Why not?

Everyone should hold a gun

at least a couple times.

Yeah, there you go.

- Have a blast.

- "Have a blast."

- That's funny.

- I've never held one of these before.

- Are they hard to shoot?

- Lf you're Michaels, they are.

- He can't shoot Worth dick.

- What?

I can shoot. What are you--? Wait.

- I can't shoot Worth dick?

- You cannot shoot.

- I shot that cat last Week.

- It Was already dead, man.

- I still shot it.

- That cat Was dead.

There's only one Way

to settle this, guys.

- Shoot-off.

- Shoot-off.

- Shoot-off!

- Shoot-off!

There's a lot of reasons

Why I like you.

I mean, you're handsome

and you're a good friend.

Dude, there he is. That's the guy.

Hey, Mark, right there.

Oh, you got a stain too.

- We're blood brothers.

- Shut the f*** up.

You're in my house,

you ansWer my questions.

What Were you doing

dancing With Jacinda?

I don't even dance. I just--

I don't even dance ever, so--

I've never even tried it.

Then Where the hell did this

come from, a**hole?

Maybe you and I rubbed up against

each other at some point.

I don't remember. Maybe it Was

some ricochet scenario. I don't knoW.

- HoW am I supposed to knoW?

- Kick his ass, Mark.

Shut the f*** up, Scarlett.

Where do you get off

dancing With my fiance?

To some girl.

Talk about the hurting.

- Sh*t.

- All right.

- Yo! Fight!

- Move it!

- Go, check this out!

- Oh, f***!

And What the hell is this?

- I don't f***ing-- It's detergent.

- Yeah, What are you doing With it?

I got f***ing blood on my pants.

Get doWn.

What the f*** is this all about, man?

Are you--?

- Well, f*** me.

- Fellas.

Oh, sh*t,

I've been tackled by little girls!

You die! You're next!

I should f***ing kill you,

you motherf***er!

- Hold him, Jimmy's brother! Hold him!

- What do you mean? No. No Way!

- You humiliated me!

- I'm sorry!

- You used my leg as a tampon!

- I'm calling the cops.

Evan! Come on! Move!

Oh, f***. Oh, f***.

Yeah. Fifth and PaysvieW. Hurry.

Mark, I called the cops.

You should hide your gun.

You're a f***ing p*ssy.

Don't listen to him, officer.

If you make this,

We're no longer friends, Michaels.

- You're a f***ing p*ssy.

- Cheating. You're cheating.

- F*** me.

- Oh, suck on my nuts, Slater!

All right, you--

That Was a lucky shot.

- That Was a lucky shot.

- I rule.

I got jizzed on. All right.

- Can I shoot one?

- Yeah, go nuts. Go nuts.

Have a good time, man.

Empty the clip.

Empty the clip on it, man. Sh*t!

The cops! Bail! Bail! Bail!

Shotgun, shotgun! Damn it!

Shotgun.

- What a rush.

- What do you guys Wanna do?

- Man, let's get drunk!

- Let's get more f***ed up!

You're f***ing living the dream,

Michaels!

Oh, man.

This is gonna be the best night ever.

- Got a 257 at Fifth and Paysview.

- Sh*t.

All units in the area report

to Fifth and Paysview.

- Car 98, that's you. Do it.

- F***.

- Sh*t.

- Sh*t.

Car 98 on it.

You dumb f***ing Whore.

Hey, did she say We're gonna get

to shoot somebody or something?

Oh, God, I Wish.

It's probably some lame house party.

We'll drop you off after. Cool?

Yeah, man.

Let's shoW these f***ers hoW We roll!

- You f***ing prick.

- What?

- You bailed on me.

- I didn't bail on you.

Yeah, you did.

You said you Were gonna

do something and you didn't do it.

That's bailing.

You're the one that dragged me to

that f***ing party With those lunatics.

- I didn't bail on you.

- You bailed on me, okay?

You bailed on me this morning

When Jesse spat on me...

...and you're bailing on me

next year.

What the f***? It finally comes out.

That's good, man.

We Were supposed to go

to college together.

Since We Were kids,

since elementary school...

...that's all We've ever talked about,

us going together.

And you got into

f***ing Dartmouth.

You're making me feel

like I'm a bad guy.

What--? I didn't do anything Wrong.

I got into a good school.

HoW the f*** am I supposed to get

into Dartmouth? You kneW I couldn't.

HoW f***ing selfish are you?

You had no problem letting Fogell

take the fall.

You don't Want me going

to a good school.

- F***, man!

- So, What the f*** do you Want?

I'm not gonna let you

sloW me doWn anymore, Seth.

What are you saying?

I've Wasted the last three years

sitting around talking bullshit With you.

Instead of chasing girls

and making friends...

...l've just sat around

Wasting all my time With you.

And noW I'm going to college

a f***ing friendless virgin.

Is this about Becca?

This is about some girl, man?

- I like her!

- Who gives a f***?

She's some f***ing girl!

You gonna go out With her?

- What about after that?

- F*** you, you're a piece of sh*t.

F*** you! And next time

you're pissed off about something...

...don't keep it inside for 10 years,

say it like a f***ing man!

- Don't touch me.

- F*** you!

Hey, McLovin, are the numbers

on your side odd or even?

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