Superbad Page #3

- I don't knoW. It's too dark to see.

- We got flashlights.

Oh, that's true.

Where the f*** are We?

- Hey, Slater.

- What's that?

Slater.

NoW, young Michaels, you Will die.

All right. Come on, stop it.

I can't f***ing see. I can't see. F*** it.

- Like it?

- Hey, f*** off, that hurts.

- You stop first.

- Not until you stop.

- Stop it, a**hole.

- Hey, you stop.

- F*** you, Evan!

- Don't f***ing touch me.

Why did you do that?

- You shined the light in my face.

- You did too.

- I'm driving.

- We Were playing Lightsabers.

- Excuse me.

- Oh, my God.

Are you guys gonna make sure

he's okay?

- Check on him.

- You check.

- You go out there and check on him.

- F*** that. You go.

Balls. Okay, We'll both go out there

and check on him.

I can't believe this is happening again.

What are the odds?

F***.

- Is everyone okay?

- Yeah, We're great, thanks.

Hey, hey, Where's the love?

- He's okay. He's fine.

- Stand right next to your friend.

- Get over there.

- I got them.

You got these guys?

You boys doing

a bit of drinking tonight?

- No, officer. Not at all. Not-- We--

- We found those.

I don't believe you.

Freeze. Stand right there.

- We're telling the truth.

- Keep it going.

- Don't be a hero tonight, guys.

- Wrong night for that.

You gotta f***ing take care of this.

No. Look, I am not fixing your mistakes

again, okay? F*** that sh*t.

I don't Wanna get shitcanned.

I like this job.

Me too. I get free haircuts.

I'm not taking the fall.

Okay, okay!

We're gonna arrest

these tWo little dipshits, okay?

And We're gonna pin it on them.

Yeah, do What you have to do.

Spread your sh*t!

Get on the ground!

Loaded gun, ready to go!

Spread your sh*t!

Pussies on the pavement, fellas.

- Come on!

- Please don't shoot, sir.

"Please don't shoot."

Shut up and spread your sh*t!

I am the laW! Okay?

NoW hold hands.

- What?

- Why?

You don't Want an a**hole Where your

face used to be, Whaling Jennings.

- Hold his f***ing hand!

- F***ing hold my hand.

There. That's not so hard, is it?

Here, McLovin, have a cigarette.

Smoke up. Life's short, you knoW.

Suck it in, my friend.

Suck it long and deep.

Enjoy it.

McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.

- You like Officer Slater and myself?

- Yeah, you guys are aWesome.

Thanks.

We really like you too, McLovin.

So here's What's about to happen.

We're gonna arrest these guys...

...you're gonna Write a Witness report

saying they leapt in front of our car...

...and there Was nothing We could do.

Sound cool?

- Yeah, that's fine.

- Good.

That's good.

Pretend he's your little sister.

Your little sister With the... .

What the f***?

Fagell?

- Sh*t!

- Sh*t!

Run! Run!

Wait.

Hold on, I gotta get all the booze.

Seth, Wait up!

McLovin bailed!

Chase the kid!

Stop!

That Was a fast kid.

I Want a ride! You hear me?

You can't unarrest me!

Stop!

- McLovin!

- Come on.

McLovin!

McLovin! Why?

McLovin, come back!

My hand! Monster!

Nicole! Nicole, get Daddy.

- Get Daddy.

- Get Daddy!

- Oh, sh*t.

- Get aWay from my kids!

You sick sons of b*tches!

What the f***?

Michaels, are you okay?

- It's just beer.

- Give me a break.

- It's just beer.

- Man up.

What happened?

What, did you lose him?

He's a freak.

He's the fastest kid alive.

- This is not good.

- He's the fastest kid alive.

Fastest kid alive, my ass. Come on.

What are We gonna do?

I'll shoot my gun in the air.

Give me a f***ing Warning

before you do it.

I'll scare him out of Wherever

he's hiding.

This isn't gonna do sh*t.

Get in the car. Get in the car.

This is your fault, you piece of--

Oh, f***. Oh, f***.

They shot Seth.

They f***ing shot Seth, I knoW it.

Holy sh*t.

Holy sh*t. Holy sh*t.

- Should I run?

- Yes.

- F***. Stop!

- Stop the bus!

- Stop it!

- It's stopping.

- It's stopping.

- Oh, thank God.

Hey, Evan, pay for me, please.

That's me and him.

Hey, hey. It's you.

McMuffin.

- You knoW this guy?

- It's--

Ain't got no cop people to help you

keep your booze noW, do you?

Hey! Back the f*** up, man,

or I'll beat the sh*t out of you.

- Give me the booze.

- Hey! Back the f*** up.

Back the f*** up. Back the f*** up.

Please, please, calm doWn, sir.

Goldslick.

Get off the bus

or I'm calling the cops.

Eat sh*t, bum.

Oh, sh*t, guys.

We're three blocks aWay, man.

We made it. We made it

With the booze and everything.

We made it.

Hold this.

I can't believe

you still have the liquor.

It's aWesome.

Yeah, I told you the idea Would Work.

I fooled those cops.

I'm McLovin. I am McLovin.

Why do you guys have detergent?

I don't understand Why you Were

smoking cigarettes With those cops.

Because I f***ing rule.

- We are so gonna get laid tonight.

- I am. I'm gonna get laid.

We're finally gonna

get our drinks on.

I can't believe Becca's bottle broke.

- I'm sure it'll be fine.

- Yeah.

I thought you didn't need it.

You Were gonna tell her hoW you feel.

Good luck getting Jules drunk enough

to have sex With you.

- What's Wrong With you guys?

- Nothing.

You tWo femmes can talk about it

next year at your little slumber party.

Oh, you told him.

- Told me What?

- Yeah. You're an idiot, Fogell.

- Well, We gotta tell him noW.

- No, We--

Well, he knoWs something's up.

What are you guys talking about?

Tell me noW.

Seth, me and Evan are

rooming together next year.

What's the big deal?

"Oh, my God,

Fogell's rooming With Evan."

Jeez, Why don't you go cry about it?

- I didn't tell you because--

- You're a backstabber...

...and you lied to your best friend

and you just don't care anymore?

I didn't expect this from you, Evan.

Not from you.

Give me that booze, Fagell.

We never should have had to hide

our arrangement.

- Seth's here.

- Seth, you're here.

Hi. Everybody, Seth has got it.

- Evan.

- Gaby, hey.

Where have you been?

You almost bleW it.

- What are you talking about?

- Becca. She's been Waiting.

She's over there.

She's Way smashed.

And she's been yammering

about you all night.

Really? What Was she saying?

She told you that she thinks

I'm a good guy?

No, no.

She said something more like:

"I Will fully bloW him tonight."

- What?

- I knoW.

- Yeah.

- But she's totally hammered...

...and if I get With her

and I'm not drunk, isn't that unethical?

Not if you're drunk too.

I guess not.

To Seth.

- To Seth!

- All right.

Who the f*** is Seth?

I'm Seth!

Let's do another one to me.

Oh, boy.

Calm doWn. Calm doWn, man.

Calm doWn. She likes you.

She Wants to suck on your penis.

It's a good thing.

It's the best thing.

Just doWn the hatch.

Fogell. What's up?

Evan, hey. Evie, come here.

Can you please help me up?

I fell doWn and none of these a**holes

Will help me up.

- Sh*t.

- Becca.

I have been Waiting for you

for, like, ever.

- What took you so long?

- I knoW, it--

- Do you have my Goldslick?

- No, I can't even--

It's such a crazy story, okay?

- I sWear I Was try--

- It doesn't even matter.

Look. Look What We--

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote