Supercondriaque

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Nagging pain

Strange unbearable pain

Fever

Pollution symptoms

Stomach ache

Stomach ache, cause?

And cure

SUPERCHONDRIAC:

Happy New Year!

Can you hear me?

If you can, squeeze my hand.

Stay with me, sir.

Boulevard des Italiens, ETA 5 mins.

Go, go!

Easy!

- Secure him.

- Move it!

Romain Faubert, 39.

Intense pain, chest and left arm.

Tachycardia, hyperventilated.

Now stable.

- How long?

- 45 mins.

Let's get blood work,

an EKG and MRI.

Potassium and sodium as needed.

- I can't see anything.

- Me neither.

Nothing abnormal.

Who brought him in?

15th District EMT's.

Let me see their medical sheet.

Nothing.

No alcohol in his blood.

I don't get it.

There's a spot there, look.

- Where?

- There!

Lower left lung. Very worrisome.

That's no spot.

It's the lower part of the diaphragm.

You need glasses.

Hey, watch it!

What's your name, Doctor?

No, I'm not a doctor.

A patient!

Of course. What's he doing here?

That's me in the picture.

I heard you talking about me,

I came in.

This isn't his 1st time.

He's a sick individual.

That's why I'm here. I'm very sick.

Beat it.

Out! Kick him the hell out!

Don't touch me.

No nosocomial infections!

Don't touch me.

Get him out.

Put some gloves on!

You gave them my cell number?

First one I thought of.

I mean, you're my friend.

When the nurse asked

if they should call my family,

I saw you,

bathed in a glowing halo.

Look at me. No glowing halo.

I'm not family

and we're done as friends.

It's been 18 years.

18 too many!

We tried, it doesn't work. Period.

I'm done as your doctor, too.

You don't mean that.

No, Dimitri!

Wait, you can't just drop me!

Ls my heart condition my fault?

Are you putting me on?

Want a good reason

to be in an ER?

- They tried to kiss me.

- For New Year's!

- It's disgusting!

- It's the custom!

The custom is disgusting.

Kissing can't spread disease?

It can be a factor

in germ transmission, sure.

In the midst of a flu epidemic!

There are germs everywhere.

You must stop...

What's that fur coat?

It's not mine.

I just remember

being at your place...

Cheers.

- Nice party.

- You're funny.

- Why?

- You're pretend-relaxed.

I'm not much

on New Year's parties.

- So why come?

- I was invited.

You keep checking your watch?

It's not you.

I just need to leave before 12.

You get gray hair at midnight?

I don't want to kiss or be kissed.

All the bacteria you pass along

in kissing... Horrible.

- Never thought of that.

- Think about it. I should know.

I'm an online

medical dictionary photographer.

- Doctoweb. Heard of it?

- No.

Well, I... I'm going.

I need more champagne.

I need a drink

to forget this conversation.

- Cute, right?

- Very.

Don't leave her alone. Go!

- Ready!

- Ready for what?

- Almost midnight.

- No!

Calm down, Romain.

No! Stand clear!

Don't kiss him!

- Stand clear!

- Call emergency.

Dimitri, forgive me.

Next time I'll be good.

You'll be proud of me.

There is no next time. Bye.

- Drop me off?

- I'm a doctor, not a driver.

You can't leave a friend

alone in the cold on New Year's.

Our friendship's over.

Find a woman,

maybe she'll drive you.

That's a stupid thing to say.

Unlock the door.

Dimitri! Open the door!

I beg you, Dimitri.

For the love of God.

No! Wait!

A bottle of hand sanitizer, please.

Quickly.

Three euros fifty.

Could you pour some on my hands?

Drenched in bacteria. Horrible.

You do it.

If I touch it, I'll contaminate it.

It'll be useless

because the bottle

will be crawling with germs.

Thanks. Go ahead, go.

Very attractive pharmacy.

Any hot new medicines

I can get pre-approval for?

To treat what condition?

Oh, a little of everything.

I can't stand

these New Year's maniacs.

I heard that.

I'm not a maniac.

Right, I noticed.

Jacques, Eva. Stay for a nightcap?

- Who was that madman?

- A patient. Complicated.

- Sorry about your eye.

- Not as sorry as I am.

Doctor, get home safe.

Dimitri, I can't find my fur.

A white fur coat,

with two brooches?

Right! it was in the bedroom.

It's mink! Worth a fortune!

Haven't seen it. Sorry.

What a night!

- Why invite that psycho?

- He was alone for New Year's.

I took pity on him.

Not a psycho. Hypochondriac.

- Defending him?

- I made a mistake.

That's clear to everyone,

except you.

I want him to meet someone.

Then he'll finally leave me in peace.

Thanks! Glad to hear it.

Sorry, didn't see you there.

I didn't see her there.

Nice idea. Worked out great.

I'm not seeing him again.

It's my New Year's resolution.

- What is that?

- Guess.

Who would stash illegals here

at 2 AM?

Anna!

Anna, no.

It's all good. Fine.

Nina's back from skiing in 2 days.

The answer is no.

Likewise. Goodbye.

No, he's thanking you

for letting them stay.

Why not your place?

Guillaume and I had a fight.

- Deal with it.

- But don't bother you?

- Anna!

- Right, don't bother me!

You're both hopelessly middle-class!

Your architect husband,

your big suburban house...

Nora, come on.

When those homeless wetbacks get you

into trouble, don't complain!

They're not homeless.

They're cousins.

Political refugees of Cherkistan.

Not all Cherkistanis are cousins.

The least you could do is ask

before coming here.

I was going to. Then I saw

the bombing on Google alert.

- I was swamped!

- Bombing?

You haven't even heard.

A raid in the southern mountains.

The state located

the main rebel camp.

My God!

Sarcasm!

When Anton Miroslav may be dead!

Why would you say that?

Because we're tired!

I want them to shut up.

I want them to go.

Dimitri,

you have no political conscience.

And you're in denial

about your roots.

You're hopeless.

We've been French for 3 generations.

So Grandpa was a Zvenka.

Doesn't make us

part of the revolution!

You call yourself a humanitarian.

I'm a non-practicing altruist.

Very funny.

- Happy New Year, fascists!

- Same to you, working class hero!

Woman of my dreams?

Not busking.

- Incredible!

- I'm not performing!

How was New Year's

at your doctor's?

Let's not talk about it.

- And your party?

- A blast. Should've come.

Hello, excuse me.

I'm scheduled for an MRI.

Fourth floor left.

Elevator's right there.

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

Can't wish him

a happy new year.

- Happy New Year.

- How are you?

A little cold, but I'm OK.

Really?

And you get prettier all the time!

Nice of you.

- See you later?

- All right.

Stings, huh?

A little, yeah.

You got to chill

with the germ thing.

I will.

Hi Vronique, happy New Year.

Romain Faubert! How are you?

Not great, I'm here.

Here again.

- The waiting room's so crowded.

- Always, after the holiday.

Mind if I wait here?

Yes, I mind.

B*tch.

Constant stress.

Dimitri, I'm very ill.

Get out. I have a waiting room.

Vronique!

An emergency.

Go through my damn secretary!

Out of my office!

Excuse me.

You said you were feeling

very stressed out?

There!

Excuse me, you shouldn't touch

those 90's magazines.

Crawling with germs and skin rashes.

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