Superfantozzi Page #2

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We're rich!

Uncle Lazaro is dead!

He's dead!

Here I am! Come on!

Here we are!

- Come! - Come, Maringela.

- Come, little one!

- Easy...

- This is my family!

We are the heirs!

I inherited all!

I am the heir!

And you are the notary, yes?

Did you bring documentation ...?

- What's happening?

- Lazarus! Rise up and walk!

Walk? Wait, who..?

Who will walk?

Is he crazy?

Look, he's dead... like ...

But... is...

is the guy... he's the guy...

Notary! Notary! Please listen!

It's not fair! I already...

made some upfront payments...

Uhm... Hi, Uncle... he...

he doesn't shake hands.

You look... well?

- Ugo, don't dwell on it.

- No, and who dwells on anything?

Who cares.

Let's go home!

To what house?

The house with the garden.

Reduced to utter misery,

Fantozzi accepted help...

from his old friend,

Moses Filini ...

who hired him

as an apprentice in his workshop...

They moved to Jerusalem.

- That would be all...

- Look! Look! Look!

Oh, tell me...

Does this require a finishing touch?

Yes, it does.

Let's check.

Another small touch?

- NO! No...

- Are you alright?

- Yes, I'm fine!

- Then come, Fantozzi!.

- Quickly! Hurry!

- Excuse me, but can I put a hat on?

- Excuse me?

- Like, a turban or something...

- Why?

- I am ashamed of this...

- Of what?

- This... spot here...

- Alright.

- Well, thanks.

- Put a hat on.

- Doing that.

Come on, Fantozzi,

stop wasting time.

The judge told me that the

next... watch out!

- Sorry, my bad!

- Be careful!

- I gave you a cross in the face.

- Whoa, whoa...

- Ah, the address.

Do you remember it? - Yes, Via...

- Via..? - I don't remember

the name. It was Via ...

- Via Crucis 8.

- Eight. - Whoa!

- And get the money, please.

- Okay.

Don't you lose it on the street

like last time!

- Here we go. - What's going on?

- Hurry up!

Excuse me.

Pardon me! Pardon me!

- What's happening?

- They caught two thieves.

I see! Very well done!

Pardon me...

- I will continue...

- Scoundrel!

What are you doing here?!

Get in line with the others!

- Come on! - But I was...

- COME ON!

Where are we going..?

Conscripted for an awful

and futile crusade to the Holy Land,

Fantozzi

finally got back home.

After 12 years

of total sexual abstinence,

with the exception of a

fleeting and violent romance

with the fierce Saladin: but

even that had left untouched

the desire to see

his beloved wife again.

- Pina! Pina!

- That's my wife, a**hole!

Here it is!

Here's our door!

Pina! Here I am!

Open up!

Pina! Wh-what did they do to you..?

- Ugo!

- Woman!

- But... wh-what... is that?

- It's your little girl.

Welcome home, Dad!

- Hi there.

- It's your daughter Maringela,

She became a woman!

A woman ...

- Ugo! - Huh?

- So happy to have you back!

Pina, TWELVE years!

The monke-- the little girl. Wait.

Come here, child. Go play

with other monke-- brats.

Go play outside

and return tonight!

The lights...

Mmm ... TWELVE years!

Come here!

Pina!

Pina! Pina... mmm!

Pina, I'll split you in half like an APPLE!

The chastity belt!

- Do you have the key?

- Help!

The key!

Ugo, did you lose it?

Wasn't there a duplicate

of the damned key?

No! Wait, maybe Filinus, the

blacksmith, has one. He made it!

- Filinus!

- Who is it?

It's me!

Ah, Fantozzi, welcome!

How's it going?

Hey, sorry... but...

I need... to...

- I don't get it.

- It's been 12 years since...

- 12 years old..? No?

- The key! - What key?

For the chastity belt of my wife!

Ah, I understand! Hold on,

I have to finish this little job.

Can you do me

a small favor?

It will be just a second.

You have good eyes...

could you check if this

iron is straightened?

- No!

- Why?

- I don't know why... I said no...

- Are you refusing to do me a favor?

- Come on, check! Check!.

- No, no, no...

- Check.

- Excuse me...

- I would give a tap... here.

- Where?

Look, right here.

- How's it doing?

- Pretty well.

Take these keys.

One might fit.

- And if not, I'll bring pliers.

- NO! I prefer...

The keys?

All right. Here they are.

- Now I...

- Ah, how's the finger?

Let me see.

- Well, well.

- Excuse me...

Tell me about it later!

Where are you going, lousy pig?

Do you not know who is inside?

No, who is it?

- Princess, shall we flog him?

- Yes... yes!

20... even 25 lashes!

I deserve them!

No. These days should be of

celebration and joy. I forgive you.

Come on!

The handkerchief!

She was Princess Serbelloni

Mazzanti Viendalmare,

The daughter of the prince,

who at that time had organized

a great tournament to

give her hand in marriage

to a brave Knight who

would defeat every opponent.

Fantozzi fell monstrouly in love.

Devoured completely

by that mad passion,

He stopped sleeping,

He stopped eating

- Ugo, why don't you eat?

- Huh? Leave me alone!

and finally, during nights with

a full moon, he began to howl.

KNOCK IT OFF!

Until, realizing the sheer

impossibility of this love...

he decided to

end his suffering.

Excalabar. Excansoar.

Exquicibut. Excansala.

- Excalibur, you moron!

- Thank you!

Excalibur was the magical,

invincible sword

guarded

by the Lake's Magician.

But... sorry...

but... for me..?

Money? Ah, I understand.

How much? Five?

Well, excuse me for a second.

But, could you turn around?

Because, you know, I don't trust

people and... here, I got the money.

But there is a problem.

I only have a 10-piece...

Alright. There you go.

Give it to me!

Here it is! Here it is!

But, sorry...

What about my change?

Ah, no change. Alright.

Ecubitus!

Trumbulus! Escarmity!

Excalibur, you moron!

Yes... but don't insult me

in front of the sword.

With the magic sword,

I will win the tournament

and the Princess will be mine!

The Red Dragon was the winged

sign of the terrible knight

who was a crowd favorite

and was expected to win.

Here it is! Here it is!

Order of demolition: Bull,

Unicorn, Hydra, Eagle.

And finally

Fantozzi's turn!

It was the symbol of the

catering and BBQ service "Spiedo"

who was Fantozzi's sponsor

for the competition.

You're up next! Come on!

Fantozzi's armor:

A wind vane as a helmet plume,

a horrid viking helmet

with zero peripheral visibility,

a stolen bronze suspender from

the statue of Pepin the Short,

and on his feet,

Molten-lead cast ironing implements.

Fantozzi's armor's

total weight:

432 kilos and 7 and a half ounces.

- What do I do? Do I release?

- Release!

Your turn!

Quick give me the sword.

- What sword? The lance goes first!

- No, no, no...

- I want only the sword.

- No, the lance, the lance!

They will not

change the rules.

You will first use the lance, and

later, the sword. Here you go.

But I wanted the sword...

Thank you.

Yay dad! Go!

Come on... Excubidus!

Excacibus! Exqui...

- Excalibur

- Thank you.

Come, come!

I'm not afraid of you!

Ugo!

- Go dad!

- Ugo, hang on!

Go!

Go! Go!

Come on!

This sword isn't working!

The Lord of the Lake

scammed me!

I suspect that you are

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