Superfantozzi Page #5

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- I'll guide you, do not worry.

Fantozzi, come! As I said, this

is our lucky day! Climb in!

- Good day. - A pleasure.

- Accountant Ugo Fantozzi.

- Nice to meet you.

Excuse me, is this occupied?.

- Please, pass, pass.

- Thank you. How kind. Thank you.

- Very kind.

- Please. Thank you.

- Let us sit there.

- So kind!

It was the day of the terrible friendly

match, Italy vs Scotland!

Here they are, our loyal adversaries!

How do you say:
"May the best man win"?

- "Win the best".

- "Win the best"!

- Are you sure that's correct?

- Sure, "win the best".

I'll try again.

"Win the best"!

I think I have a very heavy lisp.

- In English?

- Scottish.

Guys, let's show them...

- Who We Are!

- TOURIST TOUR

- HOOLIGAN TOUR

Man the starboard stations!

- Aye aye!

- Hurry up!

But how do we

"man the battle stations"?

Keep your head down!

- All aboard!

- Attack! Onwards!

I still do not understand

how this device works.

Excuse me, sir, could you tell me

how it works, because we did not ...

- It's easy. Put the torch

right there. - Here?

What did you do, Fantozzi?

- Hey, he won't shake hands.

- Not the handshaking type.

You may feel like you have

a hole in your stomach.

- A great vacuum, yes.

- Bye. Good day.

- Accountant! - What's up?

- Come here!

- Where?

- All aboard!

- How?

- Wow! - Tackle!

Here you go, Accountant!

Now we're at the Scots' gate.

We need a battering ram.

- Excuse me. What's happening?

- Right on time. You know how

to "battering ram"?

- Battering ram! - Me?. No, no,

not the ram! I never did the ram!

Look Fantozzi! Accountant Fantozzi,

what are you doing? Come on!

Come Fantozzi, I'm here!

Come Fantozzi, we conquered

the Scots' own bus!

Climb, climb upstairs,

it will take us to the stadium.

Here it is so peaceful!

Viva Italia!

- Go?

- All is well.

- Watch out, Filini!.

- No problem!

Do you mind... if I climb downstairs?

After the ferocious Italian attack

that broke the enemy lines,

an unstoppable

Scottish counterattack

with heavy artillery and tanks

emerged from the Headquarters of the

Scottish forces

Thanks, Ciotti. On the north side

of the Italian fans

there is an intense

exchange of gunfire

supported

by helicopter bombing.

Ferretti here, south side,

I'm hearing the bellicose

war chants of the Scots

- But where are we?

- What does it say?

- Excuse me, which tickets did you buy?

- What? These are the tickets.

Audible.

Fascinating, huh.

I have to give you rather disturbing news.

We are in the Scottish trenches!

Animals! Animals!

"How do you do?"

Do... some Scot music.

The Scottish anthem.

"You know it."

Touch.

"Win the best!"

I play the anthem

"Hymna Scottish"

"Moment"

Sorry

"God"! "Strangers in the night"!

"Scotch Whisky"!

Beautiful and talented.

A historic ceasefire agreement in the

Philippines between the government

of Corazon Aquino and communist

guerrillas was signed today,

that covers the whole

archipelago for 60 days.

It is the first time in

17 years since the guerrillas

and the government

have come to an agreement

Ugo! What happened??

What do you think happened to me?

Nothing happened to me!

Just work!

Overtime, all day!

What do you think I do?

You think I have fun, huh??

You just arrived for

the little rehearsal.

Don't bother me with the monk--

the little girl's test!

I would also like to see,

if I do not work,

Who will eat in this house!

Quie... Who... who... co... eats?

You're right. I'm sorry, Ugo.

No, Pina. I'm sorry,

it's my fault. I am very tired.

These are just hooligans

that are not affiliated

with true supporters,

and they have ruined

with this unforgivable attitude,

something which should be a

celebration of the sport.

We can display images,

several very eloquent photographs,

documenting one of

the most reprehensible incidents.

The protagonist is a man,

that looks like an Italian supporter.

Rowdy, violent, and

as you can see on his face,

a load of hatred that is not

suited at a sporting event.

That is all. In other news...

Can I tell you something?

- Yes?

- You suck.

... we should really ask ourselves,

with growing concern,

is this the road we want to walk?.

- Happy birthday, Ugino!

- Congratulations, Dad! - Thank you.

# Happy birthday to you,

happy birthday to you ... #

Enough, enough!

Pina, set the table!

- Let's sit down, sit down.

- Yes.

Sit down, come on...

Well done.

F***. Why doesn't mine ever work??

I'm sorry, Ugo. Like this.

- Ugino, you cut the cake.

- Knife!

By Alpha Centauri,

do you ever sharpen that knife?!

Where is... the chair... the ...?

Here?

It is very... comfortable.

No. I'll close it.

It is down here.

We must remember, Pina.

You close them, for Pete's sake...

Now you sharpen.

I told you to disconnect

the videophone, didn't I? At least today.

Excuse me.

Now what?

What is that??

How is it?

Which number is it?

- Good morning.

- The Sidereal Manager.

Did I disturb you, dear Fantozzi?

No, no!

It is an honor for us.

I called, first of all,

to wish you a happy birthday.

- You remembered? - Of course.

- Thank you.

- And, for one more reason.

A most personal one - No. Really?

VERY... personal.

- Me? - Ah, yes, I understand.

Out, out, out,

- We need to talk about work.

- I understand.

Go on.

Look, Fantozzi. You must

lend me your house for an hour.

- Excuse me?

- I'm here with a lady...

and I have nowhere to take her.

- Why not take her to your house?

- Please?

My... my... house... my house?

Immediately... Hey ...

Could you, please,

just come tomorrow?

No, I'll explain. Today, for me,

is a special day.

It's my birthday.

we got cake and champagne.

Right. Leave everything there

and keep the champagne cold.

On ice. On ice.

I'll be there in fifteen minutes.

Leave the key under the mat.

Under the mat.

Pina, I... it's not my fault.

I was so happy,

with this feast.

It doesn't matter, Ugo.

You know how these things go.

- No, this is ...my birthday.

- All right, all right...

This is my drink to his face.

That arrogant a**hole that...

It's because you have to.

I will have my party.

- Take the helmet, Dad.

- No, I don't want to.

- It's mandatory.

- Eh, open the hatch.

Come! Come on, Pina,

Why the long face?

Nothing happened.

Who cares, let's celebrate!

We are fortunate!

We are fortunate!

Fortunate...!

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