Superhero Movie
Stop!
Stop the bus!
The story of my life is not
for the faint of heart.
Thanks.
But, like any story
worth telling,
it's all about a girl.
Not that girl.
- Hey. Hi.
- I don't think that is a girl.
No, it's about this girl...
Jill Johnson.
Ever since I can remember
I've been in love with her,
but she barely knows
I exist.
Yo, Rick!
Yo, come here, man!
I got you a seat
down here. What's...
I'll call y'all back.
Everybody, bye.
- What's up, man?
- Hey, Trey.
Dude, I'm so psyched
for this class trip.
We about to see some real
serious cutting-edge sh*t.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
That's what
I'm talking about.
Yo, you got any C batteries on you?
AAs?
Got that new sandwich
from Sony in my backpack.
Wi-Fi... mmm!
Yo! You got to forget
about her, dawg.
Look look.
Let me show you something.
She not even
looking at you.
If I could just
tell her how I feel.
Look, Rick, I already told you...
you never gonna get
with Jill, all right?
Seriously, she hangs out
with the popular crew,
and nobody messes around
outside their group, man.
Come on, that crew stuff
isn't real.
The hell it ain't.
Look around, Rick.
- Look, you got your jocks...
- Get the ball, man.
...nerds, emos,
Frodos,
the Scarface society...
...the sexual predators.
- Yeah.
- Of course you got the Rick punchers.
- The who?
- Oh!
- Yeah, they new.
Mm-hmm. But you know what?
Who cares?
'Cause we got our own crew...
me and you.
Thanks, Trey.
You're the best, man.
- Am I in?
- No.
Come on.
Hey, it's me and you, baby.
The two of us against the world.
You hear me?
You look good today.
I like your hair.
I'm gonna show you
something nasty I downloaded.
Don't tell nobody.
Welcome to Amalgamated.
I'm Dr. Strom,
head of the research department...
- Come on, man.
...where we create the future today.
And now I'd like
to show you our crown jewel.
The Amalgamated
animal genetics lab.
Whoa.
Go ahead, explore.
Yo yo. Come on, Rick.
Man, check this out.
All of our animals are
genetically engineered
and each of them has...
Oh, you're so pretty.
Hi, birdie.
Hi. Hi.
- She's beautiful, isn't she?
- Yes, she is.
Uh, I'm gonna take
a picture of her
for the school newspaper.
Our only rules:
Don't feed the animalsand please,
no flash photography.
Some of our genetically-
engineered animals
are a little sensitive
to light.
It flew away.
Uh... whoo-hoo.
What the F, loser?
Get him, Lance.
- Come on, Lance.
- Leave him alone.
- I don't think so.
Is there
a problem, Lance?
No. No problem,
Uncle Lou.
Mr. Landers!
Students,
this is Lou Landers,
visionary scientist
and C.E.O. of Amalgamated.
Well, I'm just
a businessman now.
The future of science
belongs to all of you.
Please, enjoy the tour.
Are you okay?
Yes, this is
healthy-cough blood.
Rick Riker. You're not Blaine and Julia
Riker's son, are you?
- I am.
- Ah. Good people.
- How are they?
- They died violently nine years ago.
But otherwise okay?
Yes, thank you.
I live with my aunt and uncle now.
Well, you seem
like a real chip off the old block.
Let's hope you're not
violently murdered too.
That's for making me look stupid.
Next time
I hurt you.
Yeah.
You the man, Lance.
Our work with these animals
has helped us develop
new antibiotics,
advanced pesticides
and a powerful new pheromone
which drives animals to mate
called compound H2O0.
It's a strong
sexual attractant.
A single drop is enough
to arouse any animal.
We plan on using it to breed
endangered species.
A special and indeed
often overlooked...
Our most-promising research
is with these dragonflies.
For example,
this dragonfly's skin
has a hard,
armor-like exoskeleton
to defend against...
And this species
of dragonfly
has enormous strength
for its size.
It can lift vast amounts.
More than it's body weight.
And here we've injected the DNA
from all three species
into seven
new genetically-enhanced
super dragonflies.
But there's
only six in there.
Well, one missing dragonfly
is the least of my concerns.
I lost six tigers alone
last month.
Ah!
This area is where
we keep our livestock.
Ohh.
Aren't you going
to do something?
Soon as I get
this up on YouTube.
I see. Ye... well,
yes, I understand.
Thank you
for the call.
That was
the principal.
Rick walked off
a class trip.
After all the parenting
you've done,
he's still so troubled.
Why do you think
that is, Albert?
I have no idea,
Lucille.
I have taught him everything I know
about being a man.
And a good man you are
after all these years
of marriage.
It's like we first met.
Sure, you're
a little older.
Your hair's grey.
You have crow's feet.
It takes you
an hour to pee.
Your thighs look
like cottage cheese
someone threw up
on a hot sidewalk.
And you've always had
a tiny penis.
Well... what does it matter
when you're in love?
Oh, Rick.
We were wondering
where you were.
It's so late.
About time you got home.
Your aunt was getting worried.
You can sleep late
in the morning,
but don't forget
to feed the fish.
Attaboy.
I don't know.
Something just doesn't seem
quite right with him today.
Teenagers.
I'll talk to him.
Rough day, huh?
Well, I won't lie to you.
Puberty is
a difficult time
in a young man's life.
Now this book may explain
what's happening.
Let's see.
There are mood swings, fluid retention,
and once a month you'll bleed
from your vagina.
This may be
the wrong book.
What's important is that you're on
the verge of adulthood.
Here...
take a drink.
Ah, the rituals
of manhood.
Today you have
your first beer,
and tomorrow
we'll circumcise you.
I'm losing patience,
Dr. Strom.
Please, sir, if you could just
wait a few minutes...
I've waited long enough
for this egomaniac.
We're the board of directors.
Our time is valuable.
Not as valuable
as mine, Mr. Carlson.
You see, I have
a terminal illness.
I've been
fighting it for years,
but the disease has
ravaged my organs.
As of this moment,
I have one hour left to live.
It was on sale.
Gentlemen, if you're ready,
allow me
to show you the future.
Strom.
From the... lift it ov...
lift it over!
What the hell
is that?
An innovation...
thank you...
that will not only
save my life
but the life
of this company.
For too long we've scraped out profits
from pills and injections.
The real prize is
the total cure.
A device
that can alter DNA
and restore the body
to perfect health.
- You're crazy.
- No.
Crazy is hearing voices,
talking to cats,
dating Paula Abdul.
I'm not crazy.
I'm a visionary!
Sir.
Sir, the machine's
never been fully tested.
If something should go wrong...
- Start the machine!
- Yes, sir.
Plasma level
is steady.
Genetic modification's
at optimum levels!
Sir, the core is overheating.
- Ah!
- We have to abort!
Did it work?
I'm so sorry.
Well, well, well.
I want you to know
what a joy it will be
running this company
without you in the way.
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"Superhero Movie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/superhero_movie_19148>.
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