Supernatural Activity

In this world,

there are things that cannot

be explained in the natural.

Things that baffle the most

accomplished scientists in the world.

For example.

One night you're sound asleep, when...

Yeah. That was a creak.

That was definitely a creak.

Most people in this world attribute

the strange phenomenon to ghosts.

That's just ridiculous.

Ghosts don't exist, stupid.

Well then, what is it?

It's a demon.

Demon! Demon! Demon!

Demon! Demon!

Demon!

Damon. Demons are everywhere.

They're deceivers.

They only pretend to be ghosts

so that you'll believe in them.

You want to know the truth about

your little friendly ghost?

Demon!

There are all kinds of demons.

Each one sent with a specific

evil task to inflict

upon your unsuspecting soul.

Do you ever get a tingling sensation

in the center of your back?

And you just can't scratch it?

Itchy demon!

You ever see

a sort of ugly looking kid

walking down the street with

a smoking hot babe?

Gold digger demon!

Does your dog ever bark at thin

air for absolutely no reason?

Mailman demon!

But be not afraid,

for there are brave souls whose

job it is to banish these beasts

back to hell!

Together, we are:

Blair, Brock, Doug, Pepper, And

I'm your man, Damon Dealer.

- Together we...

- COMMUTE.

To haunted houses and sites to...

CONFIRM.

...the presence of the super natural.

Then we COMMUNICATE with said

supernatural entities

so that we can CLEAN HOUSE.

Leave the natural activity

in the bathroom, son.

That's right.

Because we only investigate

SUPERNATURAL ACTMTY.

And cut!

Do you like that?

I... I...

- Did you like that?

- Yeah.

It was genius, right?

Evil.

So, that's your big hook.

That's why we're the number one

paranormal show on TV.

I like it.

Of course...

This guy has a little bit to

do with our ratings as well.

My name is Brett.

I'm the editor.

I mess with the footage and make

it look like there's ghosts.

Or demons, or something.

I don't know.

It pays.

Orbs are easy.

Easy? Orbs are a joke, bro.

They're a joke. It's child's play.

So, does the rest of the paranormal

team know that the show is bogus?

Not everybody.

Why not?

Let's put it this way: What my team

doesn't know, can't hurt them.

Oh my god! What was that?

It sounded like a gunshot.

Jesus.

No no. Wait.

Wait.

God.

Stop. Stop stop stop. Don't go.

What are you doing?

Check it, brother.

Got us a brand new Beechwood 700 model.

You bought a shotgun?

XCBR-14.

Black bone.

Collector's Edition.

Hot damn!

When I sent you out to get paranormal

equipment, this is not what I had in mind.

Come on now Double D.

Check this:

Shoot Right Pro trigger system.

And Trinity corrosion control.

You understand I have no idea

what you said right now.

It means... Evil don't

stand a chance, boy.

Squirrel demon!

My name is Doug Thomas.

Film maker.

Four years ago, Damon Dealer

captured my attention

with an eight second pitch,

a documentary titled Freaky Fraud Day,

in which he was to expose his

tv show Supernatural Activity

as a hoax.

What you have just seen and are

about to see is that documentary.

Join me.

...on a safari through the

brilliant mind of me.

Correction:
The brilliant mind

of Derek Lee Nixon.

About four years ago, Doug

came to me with an idea:

Shoot a movie about a

documentary about Damon Dealer.

Let me break it down for you.

I'm the dude that's filming

another dude,

that's filming a documentary

about a tv show,

that ain't even real.

We four deep, sister.

So... This is the neighborhood

that I grew up in.

These are some nice houses.

And right over here...

This is where

Tara Moore got hit by a car.

Second grade.

We're getting off the bus.

Came around the front,

this big ass truck.

Wham! Oh my god.

I was walking two feet in front of her.

Is she okay?

Her head exploded like a water balloon.

OH NO!

Jesus.

I had to pick up her brains.

Used to always play duck duck goose.

In class.

Yeah. You know what? We're going

to talk about something else now.

She used to always pick me.

Yep. Nope. What do you think

about the show, Damon?

What do you think makes it

so successful?

Mom killed herself a year

later.

Damon!

What?

What about the show makes it

so successful?

Oh.

I don't think it's a secret.

I mean come on.

I'm five foot seven inches

tall.

Do you know how many fans I

have in China, bro?

Please.

What about the show makes it so

successful?

You're asking me what makes this

show so successful?

Come on, guy.

You act like you don't already

know.

I think it's pretty obvious

that I'm the main attraction.

I don't know why the show is

so successful.

I don't watch TV.

Why not?

You know what this is right here

hot shot?

- A bible?

- That's right.

A bible.

You don't read about some DVR

in 2nd Corinthians, do you?

David. Adonis.

Brockhaas.

When I go to the gym, the

weights catch up on me.

That's right because there ain't

any sitcoms in Revelations.

I got all the reality TV I need

right here.

Jesus Christ, my lord and

savior.

He right there is the ultimate

survivor.

Believe that.

I had an eight pack when I was

eight.

Shoot. So you think you

can dance?

More like, so you think you

can sin.

You can't be gyrating all

over the place.

Fornicating.

Basically all it is,

is fornicating.

This face could make the

Sahara wet.

I don't even watch sports.

But if I did, I'd create a new

event in the Olympics.

It's called praying.

Everybody wins.

Everybody gets on their knees.

They all get a medal.

Either gold, frankincense,

or murr.

But everybody's a winner.

I love you, America.

Next question. Come on.

This is fun. This is good.

- I like this.

- Alright.

So what got you into the whole

paranormal thing?

Well... My mom's a psychic.

So I guess I got my swindling

genes from her.

Oh. I'm an accountant.

And my dad, you know.

He... He passed away

when I was three.

So...

Well... He don't care none

about the paranormal.

It's magic.

I mean, this little prick

started from day one.

When he was nine or ten, we

bought him one of those kits.

And he just went berserk.

The wife thought, "hey. it'd

just be a phase. right?"

First year of middle school,

he starts levitating and sh*t.

Then we knew... He

had a big problem.

Oh my god.

He levitating. He levitating!

Girl, he floating. He floating.

Tuck. Tuck.

Come on, man.

I'm going to show you where

the real magic happens.

Babe!

Hey babe.

Oh yeah.

Our relationship is somewhat

of a really big secret.

Why keep it a secret?

Because the producers want to

keep our pervert fan base happy.

And the thing with pervert fan

bases,

is they like knowing you're

single.

Even though they're never going

to meet you.

They like thinking that if

they did,

that they could hook up with

you if they wanted.

So where did you guys meet?

Strip club.

Yeah. She was making about...

About a hundred grand a year.

Putting herself through college.

You know, so she could get a job

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