Supernatural Activity Page #2

that would start her out

at about forty grand a year.

I was a lot different back then.

Do you even really like her?

- What who? Blair?

- Yeah.

Why would you ask something

like that?

I mean, look, you know.

She's a stripper.

Once a stripper, always a

stripper. Right?

Between you and me, man. Why

don't you just level with me.

Why don't you just shut up right

now, man?

Don't judge her, alright?

You don't know sh*t about her.

Hey. Look around you.

The world's a zoo.

When you find the right one,

you've got to mount that.

Let me tell you something.

You see this?

That's how much I like her.

Right there.

Wow! You're going to propose.

Yeah.

I don't know how I'm going

to do it yet.

But I think it's going to be

very public.

So I'm sure she'll have to

say yes.

Supernatural Activity

Headquarters

It goes by many names.

I just call it "the office".

Because, well, it's an office.

Hey Jim.

- Ryan.

- Dwight.

Temp.

Okay.

For the finale.

Now it's just a season finale.

My team doesn't know it's really

going to be the finale-finale.

I've got the perfect place

locked down.

Three words:

In. Burial. Ground.

I forgot about that. Sorry.

Oh. Thanks, Jim.

Okay. I stand corrected.

Native American burial ground.

So...

Damon, I've got it!

Got what?

Our season finale. Listen to

this.

It's from Hicksville, Texas.

"Mr. Dealer, sir."

"You're not going to believe

this."

"But me and my girl got a ghost

up in my crib"

"that's driving me bananas."

"I'm not sure if you're familiar

with the local legend around here"

"but there's a magical hairy

creature that lives in the woods"

"called the Smallsquatch."

The Smallsquatch, Damon!

Wow. That's crazy.

I mean, this could be the final

piece for my Smallsquatch project!

Yeah.

Yeah. Totally.

I mean, I mean.

We've got to keep the show in

mind with the general audience.

I mean, Bigfoot. It's kind of

overplayed.

Don't you think?

The Wild Man of the Navidad

Graves.

The Boogie Nights thing.

You know, that's three.

Okay. Those were all Bigfoots.

This is a Smallsquatch.

- They're different.

- Yeah.

Yeah. I just... you know what?

I got it.

It's perfect.

Next season, we open up,

first thing. Smallsquatch.

Hell. We'll do it all season

long.

Okay, Damon. No.

Okay? It makes way more sense to

do this as a season finale.

We don't have anything picked

out.

Well yeah.

About that...

We kind of already do.

Okay, so?

Cancel it.

Damon, we're going to

Hicksville.

We can't go to Hicksville.

So what did Blair say to

change your mind?

Dude. She didn't say anything

to change my mind.

My mind is not changed. Alright,

look.

I'm going to discredit the

Smallsquatch people.

And we're going to do the season

finale on the Indian burial...

...the Native American

burial ground.

Okay. Why does it matter which

one we do?

What does it matter? Are you

kidding me?

Dude, do you know how many years she spend

working on the Smallsquatch project?

If I expose it as a fake, dude,

in front of millions of

people...

Forget about the wedding.

So, how do you plan on

discrediting the Hickville people?

Listen. If you confirm and

support crackpots,

that makes you a crackpot.

Supernatural Activity,

we're legit.

We don't deal with crackpots.

So...

You know, the next step is to

see if there's

a commutable leaf in the

mythology.

Without that, all you got is

crackpots.

You know what?

Whoa whoa. What are you doing?

Where are we going?

I'm going to go see if anyone's

even heard of this Smallsquatch.

Well, I ran into him one time.

When I was plowing through some

trim on my tractor.

From what I heard, she was

walking in the woods,

and it just attacked her.

Bigfoot? He banged a witch.

Nine months later, out came

this little, hairy wizard.

Oh vato.

Polka what?

Poco Pata's like some Lord of

the Rings type sh*t, ese.

For real, man.

That big guy should have stuck

the squash on Frodo Baggins.

Vato could've took that ring

back with just a look.

Just a pinche look, ese.

You know what I'm saying?

Have you heard of the

Smallsquatch?

- Yes I have.

- You have?

What does it look like?

It's big and real...

Really hairy.

Very confused. Lies like you

wouldn't believe.

Wild imagination.

From what I heard according

to legend is,

if he catches you he'll tickle

you to death.

- Tickled to death.

- Death by tickle.

He tickles you to death.

You just like piss your pants

and die.

Well the other day I was at

my house smoking.

And my cousin started cracking

up.

I went inside to see what was

going on.

He was dead. So I figured it had

to be the Smallsquatch.

Since they say death by tickle.

That little hairy midget, bro,

tickled Gandolf the Gray till

he pissed his clothes.

You know what I'm saying, ese?

He tickles you, and tickles you,

and tickles you.

And then, you stop breathing.

And then...

then... then...

You die.

- Forget about it.

- Okay.

Okay.

Sorry. Thank you for your time.

Bernie Madoff with my money.

I think it's safe to say

the mythology is present.

Dude, there are more important

things to take

into consideration when dealing

with a hoax.

Like, we haven't even met the

subjects yet.

Hey. There's a kid walking

around.

I thought she said it was

a couple.

I don't know. Ask the kid.

Excuse me, kid.

Hey.

Is this 1131 Oakwood Drive?

No, sir. You just missed it.

It's back one more house.

What the f*** did you just say

to me, boy?

Uh... what?

Kid, you talk to me like that

one more time,

I swear to God I'm going to

get out of this car.

I'm going to beat the living

sh*t out of you.

I'm sorry sir.

Is that a camera?

Oh my god. Can you believe

this kid?

Is that a camera? Is that a

camera?

You're a f***ing retard.

He's a retard.

I'm going to get out of this car. I'm

going to beat the living sh*t out of him.

Yeah, it's a camera.

You're going to be on TV, guy.

Congratulations.

You just spent your 15 minutes

looking like a f***ing retard.

- Well...

- ISAAC!

What's going on here?

I've got to go. It was sure

nice to meet you folks.

Come back and visit any time.

Man, get the f*** out of here.

I was nothing, papa.

Just city folk.

They've got cameras!

And cut your hair, Beaver!

It's uncanny.

See these locals? They're

hostile.

Every small town.

Now the subjects are most

crucial

in deciding whether or not a

site is eligible for a hoax.

I've always said that.

You know, I mean.

You want them to be competent,

right?

- But not necessarily too smart.

- True.

You know.

A little bit out there. Right?

- But not crazy.

- Also true.

You know, like, attractive

is good.

Right? For ratings.

But you don't want them to be

so hot that it's distracting.

Not even remotely true.

Okay. I'm not asking for your

validation, bud.

False.

You'd be lost without me and I

should be the one running the show.

Go put a shirt on.

Oh my god.

Oh my god!

- Dewey?

- Yes.

Damnit Dealer. You're on my

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