Superstar Page #3

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Mr. Feinstein, Pope-a-licious.

I love it.

Hey, Mary.

I saw you outside

doing that robot thing.

You have some nice moves.

- Thank you.

- You have some nice moves.

You have some nice moves.

Nice moves.

Mooooves.

May I have... this dance ?

"Everybody dance now"

"Everybody dance now"

"[Hip Hop]

- Whoo !

-"Everybody dance now"

"Left to right"

" Work me all night"

" Come on, let's sweat"

"Baby"

"Let the music take control"

"Let the rhythm move you"

"Sweat"

"Sweat"

[ All ]

Father, Son and Holy Ghost !

"Let the rhythm move you"

"[Scatting]

Yeah !

[Scatting Continues]

[ All ]

Fame !

"Everybody dance now"

-"[Ends]

- [Sky] Mary.

What are you doing ?

Sometimes l--

I get low blood sugar and it--

it makes me a little bit shaky.

Sorry. Sorry.

[ Crunching ]

[ Coughing ]

[Coughing Continues]

How is the, um, talent

competition coming ?

Quite well.

I don't want to point

the finger of blame, but...

who broke the good toaster ?

[ To Herself]

These are my breasts.

Oh, God.

They're so big.

I just need a big bra to

strap 'em back and support them...

because they're so huge.

They need to be hooked

and strapped in for support.

They're my big b*obs.

This one is bigger

than this one,

'cause this is a mommy

and that's a baby.

And this one is

very nice to this one,

and they hold hands

'cause they're friends.

[Mary] And forgive those

who trespass against us.

Amen.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, candle.

Good night, God.

Good night, Mary.

- [ Gasps ] Oh, my God !

- Oh, my me !

- How are you ?

- It's going okay.

- Are you the Lord ?

- Well, to you I am.

See, technically,

you're like in this REM sleep state,

and I'm a mixture

of your mind's images of God,

some past authority figures,

Sky, and your dad.

Basically, your subconscious came up

with me to help you deal, dig ?

Yeah.

Uh, you want a glass of water ?

No, I'm good.

I'm God.

Oh, right.

- Is this your stereo ?

- Yep.

- CD player, huh ?

- Yep.

We don't have these.

"[Rock]

[ Humming Along ]

Spirit in the sky, in the--

That song's about me.

"[Ends]

Mary, I know

your soul is troubled.

And I'm here to guide you.

Okay.

My child, during this time

of great adversity,

I want you to do one thing:

Get jiggy with it.

- What ?

- You know. Get jiggy with it.

Na, na, na, na, na, na

Na-na, na-na, na na, na, na

Ow !

I'm-- I'm very sorry,

but l-- I don't know exactly

what the word "jiggy" means.

The point is,

I work in mysterious ways.

I mean, out there.

Listen to your heart.

Do whatever it tells you...

and go with the godly flow.

Okay.

- Oh, and most important,

- Yeah ?

when you wake up

in the morning, audition.

"Na, na, na-na, na, na"

Na-na, na-na, na

na, na, na, na

"[Alarm Ringing]

[ Hits Switch ]

Good afternoon, ladies. You're all

looking quite lovely this afternoon.

What do you want ?

She probably wants

to try out for the squad.

I was actually wondering if

any of you would be kind enough...

to show me the sign-up sheet

for the auditions.

Oh, right.

She's a superstar.

As president ofthe Catholic

Cheerleaders Against VD Foundation,

I can't let you sign up

for the audition.

But I wanna sign up

for the auditions.

Mary, fighting VD isn't a joke.

It's a very serious disease.

Besides, Sky andme

are gonna win anyway.

Hey, guys, I got a new cheer.

- Evian ?

- John the Baptist lost his head

- Evian !

- [ Gasping ]

I'm really sorry that I pushed you.

It was an accident.

I just really wanna

sign up for the auditions.

Well, I'm really sorry

that I pushed you.

But I just can't let

a hymenally-challenged dog...

sign up for the audition.

- [ Both ] Ooh !

- Well, you know what ?

You're a very mean girl, and you're

gonna go to hell for saying that.

You're a really pushy girl, and

I might just wanna kickyour ass.

Yeah ? Well, I just might

wanna kickyour ass !

Well, come on, Super Sucks.

If I was Sissy Spacek

in the movie Carrie,

I would use my telekinesis

to kill you.

You know what, Mary ?

- Not yet.

- Sorry.

Mary, you know why

your parents died?

Because you're

such an embarrassment,

they couldn't bear to live anymore.

You know what, Evian ?

You should be really embarrassed...

because your parents named you

after bottled water.

[ Both Screaming ]

Hey, is there a problem here ?

My titties !

- Yaah !

- Hey !

- Yaah !

- Aah.

[ Screaming ]

Karate kick.

-I rewound those Jackie Chan movies.

-Nevertheless.

Evian, I'm disappointed in you.

At this school,

any student, including Mary,

is allowed to make a fool of herself

at the auditions.

I'm suspending you

for the rest of the day.

- But, Father Ritley--

- Evian.

Father Ritley, the person

you wanted to see is on her way.

Ah, well, send her in

when she gets here.

- You are so dead.

- Go drink a bottle of yourself.

Mmmmmm ! Aah !

Evian, Mary, stop that.

Mary!

Stop it !

Ah !

Evian, you're dismissed.

[ Mumbling ]

I hate you.

"Go drink a bottle of yourself" ?

Miss Gallagher--

Miss Gallagher, what's that horrible

thing you said to Sister Eileen ?

I told her to move

her big, white butt...

or I would coldcock her honky ass.

To Sister Eileen ?

Why would you say such a thing ?

The video store where I work

got Spike Lee movies.

Ah, yes. You're the-- You're

the rewind girl at Kip's Video.

Yes, I am.

Well, let's pretend

that your life's a movie.

We rewind it.

It ends.

You're dead.

How was it ?

My feelings would best

be expressed in a monologue...

from the made-for-TV movie

Portrait of a Teenage Centerold,

starring Miss Lori Singer

from Footloose.

Ifyou must.

It excites me, Daddy.

Don't you see ?

I like it

when the men look at me.

You try to keep me trapped here

in this small town...

like a little animal.

But I am bustin' out, Daddy.

I'm gonna see the world,

and the world is gonna see me.

They're gonna see

all of me, Daddy.

-All of me!

- Mary--

- Mary, stop that ! Stop that now !

- Look ! Look !

What are you doing

with my grandchild ?

Nothing !

We were--

[ Clears Throat ]

Mrs. Gallagher,

I called you here today to discuss

your granddaughter's problem.

Now, upon reflection, I think a

combination of prayer and Ritalin...

could eliminate her excess energy.

How dare you.

My Mary has no problem.

My granddaughter is a star.

- What ?

- Look at that face.

She looks like a young

Elizabeth Taylor.

You may call her hyperactive.

But if the Good Lord

gave her excess energy,

then, by God, no one's

taking it from her.

If you don't appreciate that,

maybe the problem

is not my granddaughter.

Maybe the problem is this school.

- I'm taking her home.

- Mrs. Gallagher !

Good day to you, sir.

Mary !

Mrs. Gallagher,

listen to reason. Ay !

I couldn 't believe my grandmother

told Father Ritley I was a star.

She'd never said that before.

She'd also never

run over a priest before.

Sorry.

I can't believe he suspended you.

It so wasn't your fault.

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