Support Your Local Gunfighter Page #6

over this trouble you miners are havin'.

The way I see it, the race

to the mother lode is just that. A race.

Now, me and Swifty,

we're gonna be around just to see

that everything is run fair and square.

Let me get this straight. You and Swifty

Morgan, by the power of Swifty's gun,

are gonna tell us

what we can and cannot do?

Long-winded way of sayin' it,

but that's about it.

You're laughing.

- I just thought of something very funny.

- Are you agreein', or what?

I don't see what else

I can do for the moment.

What about Miss Abigail and Pa? You're

not gonna let the Colonel separate them?

Me and Swifty Morgan

stand foursquare in favour of love.

You're laughin' again. Don't you think

you oughta let the rest of us in on it?

In due time, young man.

In due time.

- Morning.

- Morning.

I've been up all night worrying.

- What about?

- Swifty Morgan.

What if he finds out I've been pretending

to be him and comes lookin' for me?

- That ain't gonna happen.

- What if it does?

Jug... you let me worry

about Swifty Morgan.

Butcher, what would happen if during that

wingding Barton's throwing at the mine

a dynamite jackass was unloaded

in an elevator and accidentally blew up?

- The shaft would cave in.

- Take time to dig it out, wouldn't it?

- Probably hold up operations for a week.

- Maybe more.

What if Swifty Morgan catches us?

You let me worry about Swifty Morgan.

- Morning.

- Good morning.

You have to wait. This gentleman is first.

No hurry.

You have much sadness

in your face, seor.

Just stop to think. You always get

darkness just before the storm.

On the other hand,

it never rains but it pours.

Every cloud got a silver lining.

Troubles never come singly.

- Are you gonna shave me or not?

- Si, seor.

The squeaky wheel always gets the...

- Jenny!

- Goldie!

- If you aren't a sight for sore eyes.

- This is call for a celebration.

A bottle of champagne, Fred.

Private stock. Sit down.

- What you doin' in town, dearie?

- I'm lookin' for a man.

The woods is full of them, the mines are,

and the lone prairie

is lousy with cowpokes.

- So take your choice.

- This one was very special.

Here's to us!

- Where is this man?

- I don't know. That's the trouble.

- He run out on you?

- That or he got misplaced.

It's hard to misplace 'em.

- This one was special, huh?

- Bottled in bond, 14-carat, the best.

Mine answers the same description.

From the minute this man walked

into my place carryin' a spur...

- Spur?

- Just one.

He says

"Ma'am, I've brung this a long way. "

"From Slim - boy from Texas, dies

in the prairie with your name on his lips. "

- How did you know he said that?

- Because he said the same thing to me.

Goldie, your man is my man.

They're one and the same!

You mean he's here in Purgatory?

Let's think of a nice, clean way

to get him murdered.

- Ladies.

- It's him!

- It's my Lat.

- Let's keep the record straight.

I'm not your Lat. I'm neither one's Lat.

I'm sorry if I caused you any grief.

I'm sorry if I took your money.

But I'm gonna tell you something.

It's about love.

Love don't work unless both people give.

You gotta give till it hurts.

Fight!

Fire in the hole.

What's goin' on?

Lat!

Lat...?

Oh, Lat...

Boy, I tell you, Latigo, I just get plum sick

that the Sidewinder almost bushwhacked

you when you first come to town.

Not to mention hittin' you

with that there chair. You hear that music?

Boy, there's people just dancin' in the

streets over what you done for this town.

A man should spread happiness

as he walks through life. Ow!

- Hey, y'all just as good as new now.

- Thanks a lot, Doc.

Lat, I got drunk last night to get up

the nerve to have to tell you somethin'.

Somethin' I should have

told you from the start.

I was gonna put

jackass liniment on your chest.

Make you think that tattoo

was comin' off, even though it wasn't.

- But when Patience got involved...

- Involved?

I just couldn't cheat the man

she was gonna marry.

- Marry?

- The Sidewinder?

- That's what she told me.

- Well, she told you wrong.

Ow! Damn it!

Marry?

The Sidewinder?

Lat?

I thought I oughta see you face to face.

I hope I didn't hurt you too much.

I'm all right. The doc just said so.

- I just couldn't help feeling the way I did.

- I understand.

I mean, what if we'd kept going together,

gotten married, and you'd been killed,

and then I'd gone to identify the body?

I'd have looked a fool.

There you'd be, laid out, with

some other woman's name on your chest.

- Wouldn't that be awful?

- I understand. Let it go.

Or went to a picnic

and you got some ants in your shirt

and you had to rip it off

and everybody would see your chest?

I wish you did have TB

instead of that damn, rotten tattoo.

I'll be damned. That's the first time

I ever seen the Sidewinder cry.

Well, she's a sensitive girl.

- Everything under control, Mr Morgan?

- Better be.

Or I'll know the reason why.

Oh, darling, isn't it wonderful? No more

trouble between you and my brother.

I wish you'd known him before he started

reading that blasted book about Napoleon

and sticking his hand in his coat.

Let's dance.

You sure you know about blasting?

I got all my fingers and don't talk

in a high voice. Let's get at it.

I don't like this.

What happens if Morgan finds out?

You let me worry about Swifty Morgan.

Take us down.

- You're not dancing, Mr Smith?

- That makes two of us, Colonel.

- I should be. This is a happy occasion.

- It is?

It isn't every day

you get to meet Swifty Morgan.

- Could you point him out to me?

- There he is, right over there. That's him.

I'm surprised you didn't recognise him

by the cold, deadly look in his eye...

- Thought of somethin' funny again?

- As a matter of fact I did, yes.

- Colonel, isn't it time you let me in on it?

- It's precisely the time.

- So that's Swifty Morgan?

- In the flesh.

But that gentleman

has a beautiful head of hair.

Swifty Morgan is bald as an egg.

- An egg?

- An egg.

Surely, sir, you jest.

What action do you suppose Swifty would

take when he uncovers that fraud?

That cow-nurse

who is using his famous name? Oh!

I'll have to think it over.

I never sent for Swifty Morgan.

Just wrote out a few telegrams

pretending to,

because I knew my fool sister would tell

Barton I'd retained the famous gunman.

But I sent him a telegram today,

telling him an impostor was

representing himself as Swifty Morgan.

- Why aren't you laughing, young man?

- Somehow I just can't seem to make it.

My shaft!

- Take a week to dig that out.

- Maybe longer.

By that time, the real Swifty Morgan

will be in Purgatory.

- What the hell does that mean?

- Tell them what the hell it means, Smith.

Good night, gentlemen. Good luck.

Latigo?

Look, Mr Barton, I know

what you're thinkin' and... you're right.

There's a train pullin' out

to Denver tomorrow night. Be on it.

Both of you!

Like I said, a man should spread

happiness as he walks through life.

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