Surf School Page #2

Okay. Take it easy, Tarzan.

- Undress who?

- Who?

Don't mock me, jocko.

We both know the object

of your teenage lust.

Who?

My little babushka.

Here, kitty cat.

Come on, my little kitty cat.

That's good.

Look at those buns.

Oh! Hey! Groovy!

The kids are here!

What are you waiting for?

Come on in, you little hipsters!

Welcome to commune.

Darling, I'll meet you at check-in.

Very well, my delight.

Now, look.

Look at that.

You tell me that is not art.

Um, yeah.

Go.

I like people.

I am people person.

Check this out.

This is something.

I'm gonna lap you up like cherry soda,

do you know that?

Did you put on that g-string

that I give for you?

Lover, I put it on this morning,

but now I can't find it.

East Coast, I can't stay here.

This is disgusting.

Oh. Relax.

They'll stop.

Eventually.

JFK, MLK, RFK.

Are those bands?

No, it's John F. Kennedy,

Robert F. Kennedy,

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Greatest heroes of the Sixties?

Don't you remember?

No. Who?

Come on.

You sat right next to me

in Ms. Lipschitz's

American history class.

Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Lopsided Lipschitz, yeah.

Yeah, she was cool.

She gave me my first D-minus.

My mom had that on the fridge

for, like, months.

Oh. Kids.

Nice to start up close and personal.

I'm Tilly Jones.

And I'm Boris Ilnayitch Jones.

And I am the eternally stiff

lover of this woman.

Look at you, honey.

Look how nice you look

in this light, huh?

Why do you look so nice

in the light, huh?

Sugarbuns.

I may never get another boner again.

Aw, that's just wrong.

That's it! Who's my champion?

Who's my champion?

Children in the room.

It's so hard for me

because I like the girl.

Larry! Larry!

Beaver alert.

Check it out, Larry.

Hola, senorita.

Thank you, Veronique.

Damn. I heard French chicks

don't shave, but...

So, what brings you kids

to the commune?

It's kind of our senior trip.

Only, the other seniors

don't really want us here.

All right.

Taking it to the man.

Yeah.

Well, here at the commune,

we take a personal interest

in our guests.

We believe the spirit of the Sixties

should... live on.

Right on.

Let's see how much you kids really do

need to learn, hmm?

Oh, my skirt's a little... short.

Who is this?

That's the dude

from the first Batman.

Yeah, that's that guy,

that old dude

that's got courtside tickets

to all the Lakers games.

Ding, ding, ding.

That would be wrong. Okay.

No, this, sweetie,

is not Jack Nicholson.

Does Richard Nixon ring a bell?

He was the first President to resign.

It was over Watergate.

Nixon was a symbol of everything

that was wrong with

America in the Sixties.

Flashing peace symbols to the crowd

then dropping bombs on

third-world countries?

Aren't we still doing that?

Yeah.

So you are the virgin boy.

Uh... yeah.

You are sacred in our culture.

It is the highest honor for a woman

to be the first with a virgin boy.

Wow. Okay.

Oh, hi, Veronique.

Can't you find a tree to swing from?

I'll see you later, virgin boy.

Thanks, Veronique.

I don't know if you understand English,

but you were in my dreams.

Supposed to be

a state-of-the-art facility.

Nah, man, this look like

the ghetto side of the beach.

This is surf school?

I don't see any desks

or pencil sharpeners.

And where's our teacher?

Aw, man, somebody's wasted him.

No, he's just smashed.

That's it, little dolphin.

Back it up.

Back that blowhole up.

Dirty blowhole.

Whoa, whoa. Free Willy.

Free Willy!

Hey, Rip! Rip!

Rip! Rip! Wake up!

Hey. Hey.

It's the guys form Laguna, you know?

The ones that sent you the deposit.

Ah. Groovy, man. I can...

I can dig it.

Uh... Iook.

I don't know what you're, ah...

your mothers told you, but, uh...

I can explain the, uh,

child welfare payments.

We're not your kids!

We're the guys who sent you

the deposit for surf school.

That makes a little more sense.

All right.

You, uh...

you got the balance? Huh?

I take traveler's checks.

You don't get nothing till

you turn us into pros.

Who said pros?

Your ad.

Remember?

Man, we just wasting our time.

Let me out of here.

No. He's gonna teach us to surf.

Hey.

Look, you want to drink yourself to death,

that's your choice.

But this week,

you're gonna teach us to surf.

Okay, hairdo.

I appreciate the incentive.

But you've got to understand that the old

Ripster's been down a long time.

It's got to be, what...

'75?

'76?

Well, it can't be 1977.

It's 2005.

Okay. That's not helping.

I should know the date

by at least 30 years, right?

But... what the hell?

You're here!

Why doesn't old Ripster

whip you up some mahi-mahi?

Huh?

You guys want to eat?

I'll make some nice

pan-shaped mahi-mahi.

That would be real...

sh-shweet!

Peace, sister.

I like to sit in corners

when it rains, too.

The Bell Jar.

I read that once.

It affected me deeply.

Uh, maybe... maybe someday

you'd like to help me

paint one of these.

Or... or we could play beauty parlor.

Do each other's nails, hair.

Or not.

Okay. I got to run.

Thanks for the girl talk.

Man, these tropical storms are intense.

We love the rain.

We love to get wet.

Are you American surf boys?

We love American surf boys.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye.

Those chicks were so hot,

they melted our brains.

They love American surfers.

I can't believe we didn't get into

Surfer's Paradise,

but I guess we are Barneys.

Not for long.

Please come into my club.

In 4 days, no one.

Please...

El Pescado Muerto.

Does that mean "dead fish"?

El pescado muertol

SI:

That is cool, huh?

Ah, no.

You, uh, get any hot chicks here?

Course!

Don't you see my sister?

Where is she?

Right there.

Berthita, a smile for the American boys.

Hot, huh?

Okay. Screw this.

I'm going home.

No. Hey. Taz?

Guys, we're not going anywhere.

We came here to have the time of our lives,

and we're gonna have it.

And we're gonna make the party right here

at the, uh... Dead Fish.

Guys, when we start surfing,

they're gonna see that we're

the real deal,

and I would, uh...

Well, I would guess that they're gonna

want to party with us.

You know?

I mean, they're gonna know

that we're...

obviously the coolest.

The party's gonna come to us.

I don't know about you guys,

but I'm feeling a heck of a lot

better about Rip, aren't you?

Ghost Babe.

Uh, come back.

Come back, Ghost Babe.

Hey, Rip.

It's time for surf school.

Do I know you, man?

Surf school is open, hairdo.

Now, what do you think real surfers

would call you three?

That's easy.

Barneys, Freds, Wallys...

geeks, dorks, wannabes, posers,

Gilligans, weeds,

Darryls, Deweys, Kahuna Tunas...

Okay. That's good.

Thanks.

Very good.

Poindexter, write this down, man.

You may see a wave out there,

but real surfers,

they see an A-frame,

a steakhouse, curly fries.

Pennsylvania pencil cases.

A Mongolian bastard baby.

Delta Burke's a**hole.

A monkey tail.

A Chinese roasted baby koala, man.

An onion bun covered

with garlic butter.

A flamingo tit, man!

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