Surf School Page #3

Uh, is there a hyphen in "flamingo tit"?

Shut up, Larry!

Sorry.

Come on, get on your boards!

I want to see you on your... boards.

It's all about touch, Larry.

You've got to feel that wave, man.

You got to reach out there

and find its G-spot

and touch it like it's your...

your dirty little girlfriend.

Waves are like women.

They got lots of curves,

they're slippery when they're wet,

and if you don't

ride them the right way,

they're gonna pound you, man.

They got big jugs, right?

You know.

Look. Larry...

if you're gonna rip with the big boys,

you got to learn to understand women.

Uh, not the best advice, Ripster.

Dude's a total virgin.

Yeah, man. The only booty call

he's ever seen starred Jamie Foxx.

Is that true, Larry?

No. Actually I didn't catch Booty Call.

I had an S.A.T. Review course.

And Mother thinks

Jamie Foxx is a pottymouth.

Larry, are you a virgin, man?

- Yes.

- Wow, man.

I haven't seen one of you around here

since "Grinder Teeth" Mary

took out little Jimmy McGee

behind the dumpster

at the pomegranate hut.

How'd you become

a washed-up, old wino?

Taz? We, uh...

we looked you up.

You won the world championship, 1989,

and you just disappeared.

You Barneys don't know

about the legend of...

Ghost Babe.

Dead babe?

Oh, I'm afraid she is quite alive...

to me,

my young understudy.

Was she was, like, hotter

than Pam Anderson?

Mm-hmm! Just a few thousand

degrees hotter... brah!

So there I am, the surf god,

surrounded by my disciples,

when all of a sudden... pow!

She floats right by me like on a cloud.

And all I can remember is that soft,

intoxicating breeze she left behind.

It looked like the good Lord himself

had baked those hot buns.

Her breasts had perfect alignment...

exactly the same size.

They were nothing short of...

sh-sh-sh... shweet.

Shweet.

Well, we made love

every minute of every day.

She gave me foot massages.

She brushed my hair.

She made my clothes.

And in between,

she would feed me grapes...

make me mai tais...

feed me quarter pounders with cheese

Sounds like a keeper.

How does it end?

Some surfers were hanging

out down on the beach.

So I walked over and...

And what?

And then they laughed at me.

They had no idea who I was.

I had vanished for...

But why would they laugh at you

just because you disappeared?

No reason, man.

Just, you know, nervous,

uh, giggles and stuff.

- Ghost Babe.

- Ghost Babe.

Ohh.

Natural spirit,

Father sun, sister moon,

reach your hand down to us and touch us

with your loving light.

Touch our souls deeply.

Boris, I swear, Tilly's off limits.

We accept that. But, uh...

the Swedish chicks?

Swedish girl is caviar of girl.

Go.

Let us feel the warmth.

Larry.

I can just take a peep.

No peep.

No peeping for my boychik.

Thank you for sharing this

lovely light and love time.

We are finished.

Om.

Ready?

- Ja.

- Ja.

We hold hands, ja?

Ja.

Oh, fellas, hi!

Do I look fat in this?

Oh, God! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

I can tell that peeping is happening.

It's okay, Boris.

They wouldn't.

You're a good boy.

I like you.

That is why I am so happy

to put you onto the road to manhood

like my father

put me onto that road.

Do you have father?

No.

Mother says

he was Beelzebub's brother.

She like you, Larry.

Can't you find a tree to swing from?

Milk from a virgin cow for my virgin boy.

Gracias.

Mucho gusto.

I will see you at the sing-along.

The sing-along?

Drink that milk.

It's good.

Good milk.

Fear's the way we die

Sometimes you are so scared

that you've got to die.

You can make the mountains ring

Or make the angels cry

Why is it that the angels

continue to cry like that?

Though the bird is on the wing

And you may not know why

Why is it that birds fly?

Come on, people, now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

One more time.

Just my beautiful, sweet

Helga, Belga, and Selga.

Come on, people, now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

- Ja.

- Jal

Oh! This is my favorite verse.

Who wants to try it?

Who wants to serenade Mama Tilly?

You're loved here.

If you hear the song I sing

You will understand

You hold the key to love and fear

All in your trembling hand

Just one key unlocks them both

It's there at your command

Come on, people, now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

What about Doris, though?

She was, like, definitely handling

that business last night.

Total potential.

That's that jump-off girl.

That's what I was trying to tell you about.

Yeah, she was, uh...

cool.

Check it out.

The spot, guys.

How sweet.

You ladies must be

on your honeymoon.

Yeah, looks like

four brides to be.

Barney goes to Costa Rica.

Do you Gilligans actually think

you have a chance in this contest?

I know we do.

Whoa.

That dude is...

intense, man.

Shut up, Roach.

Yeah, well, it's all good, bro.

But don't you think it's time you dropped

the whole affirmative-action thing

and come kick it with the real playas?

Come on.

- Play with that.

- Bam!

Total dis, man.

Roach, shut up.

Bam! That's cool, man.

Total dis, man.

Bam!

Roach, shut up.

Bam!

Yeah.

See you in the water, Tyler.

That's fine.

You losers want more humiliation?

You got it.

At least you brought your own p*ssy.

You start it, I'll finish it, bro.

Consider it started...

brah.

Whoa. Peace, dude.

You good?

Is it over yet, man?

Nah, dude, it's not over.

You guys ready to learn to surf?

Hell, yeah.

You see all the honeys

over at Surfer's Paradise, bro?

Well, you're not riding

any of them honeys

till you ride this honey right here.

So the only honey you need to be

focused on right now

is that honey right there,

Winnie the Pooh.

Sauce with those wings, brah?

All right.

Don't forget, brahs.

You got to crest that wave

like a soggy monkey, man.

Stroke, stroke, stroke.

Come on!

Hey, uh, Rip.

Just got a little warmer over here.

Did Josh just take a piss?

No, that was me, brah.

Sorry.

Well, look at you.

Up and floating.

Hey, Larry, you dry humping, man?

You're getting the hang of it, hairdo.

Oh, yeah! Taz!

You shred! You shred... oh!

Oh! Sh-sh-sh... shweet!

...maybe loosen up your grip a little

bit on the board.

And then maybe you get enough

confidence to, uh...

Is that what love looks like?

No, servant boy.

I am the Queen of Siam.

The king...

I'm not really sure what that looks like.

Oh, Gonga.

Oh, Gonga, we have company.

Boychik, I've been looking for you.

Let's go.

We have work to do.

You know how difficult it is for me

to leave you like this?

- Go.

- Breaks my heart.

He needs you.

Have you, uh, touched a woman?

Like my mom?

You want to...

touch your mommy?

God, no.

Good. That's good.

I can help you.

Hey, you were amazing last night.

I mean...

your voice is...

it's perfect.

You and Mo could probably team up

and really rock the mike.

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