Surf School Page #4

You know...

before I moved to Laguna,

I kind of had it made

at my old school.

Me and my boys, we were in the show.

We were Tyler.

Well...

Not a dick like Tyler, but...

You know, people like

Larry and Taz...

People like you.

I guess I noticed you guys

out on the fringes, but...

I guess I didn't really notice.

I spent too much time

worrying about my biceps

and holding a lacrosse stick, I guess.

Well, I came out here, and...

I know how that feels.

So, uh...

If you ever want to talk...

Well...

you have an amazing voice.

Oh, and, uh...

nice t-shirt.

Check it out.

These European girls,

they're totally cool with their titties.

I'd be cool with their titties, man.

Got to give them some of your lines.

I got to see those hooters.

Calm down, man.

Y'all white boys rush too much.

You got to be like a brother.

You got to ease in.

Let the vibe do all the work.

Watch this.

Love this music.

Ja. Me, too.

Love it.

Well, then, maybe we should

join the party.

Yeah, you can sit.

Thank you, Lord.

Oh, yeah.

I think it's really cool the way

you European girls are so...

free with your bodies.

Yeah, American chicks are all uptight

with their hooters.

They won't even show them unless

they have, like...

a full-access web page

and being filmed for...Girls Gone Wild.

The breasts are no big deal.

Just skin.

Ja. We have nipples.

You have nipples.

American men seem to get

so crazy over breasts.

Well, we're... we're not, uh,

your typical American men.

I mean, we barely

even noticed your...

perfect, symmetrical, mouth-watering,

perky...

Um, yeah, we're... we're very European

when it comes to that.

We, uh... you know.

You could...

you could whip them out

and smack them in us...

me in the face with them right now,

and l... I wouldn't notice.

Would you? No.

Good. We can be free

with you and not worry.

How's it going, brahs?

Board?

Yeah, man, the board.

I cut it myself.

It's a 6-footer.

It's got some tasty curves.

It's kind of firm,

but yet it feels real nice in the hand.

You got to make sure you...

you treat it like a lady.

Stimulate it,

make sure the nipple

doesn't get dirty.

- Move the damn board.

- Yeah.

You want to be able to caress it

and call it names like...

Hello, Sally.

How are you today?

Hey, you, uh...

you girls want to come

for some mahi-mahi?

- Mahi-mahi?

I'll see you

at church, fellas.

Thanks.

We go bikini shopping now.

Want to come?

Come on, six pack.

You got to loosen up!

It's like you're blow-drying your hair

and you got to set it free.

It's Kenny G time, man.

Whoa. Great movement.

What kind of conditioner

you using, man?

Do you like?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, you guys want to see

a triple-fart bubble?

Could you boys spray us?

Spray you?

Ooh, that was a nice one.

You take Helga. I'll take Selga.

We'll split Belga.

Ja.

Feels so hot.

Come on! Paddle like an altar boy

at a private communion.

I love that game American boys

and girls play.

What is it called?

Volleyball?

Strip poker.

That's it, zero body fat.

Stand and deliver.

Oh, yeah, that's my Tazzy.

Ace high.

In the water.

Come on, pansy boy.

Okay, hairdo. Steady.

They'll think I have a nice ass, right?

I'm not looking, man.

S-shweet!

You fellas believe in fairy tales?

'Cause I think we got a real

Cinderella story happening here.

My boy Taz,

you can really shred, brother,

and I'm not talking about

spoon-size shredded wheat.

I'm talking about this cat

soaking up all the milk.

And you there, hairdo...

if you could just loosen up

just a little bit,

that would be real...

shweet.

My brother...

oh, my dear brother...

you are one juicy water wing away

from getting the whole thing.

Larry...

your balls are so dried up,

I can see them swinging off

my rearview mirror halfway to Turkey.

Boris says he has

big plans for me tonight.

Yeah.

Well, he better.

The competition starts tomorrow.

All I want to know is,

after we kick major ass out there,

is Ghost Babe gonna show up?

Ghost Babe.

Get out of here while I...

...finish wiping.

Well, you boys, uh...

you want to come by

for some sushi tonight, hmm?

I hand-make it, put all the little

pieces together.

How about some nice mahi-mahi?

Oh. That's a dingleberry.

Well, as you know,

every revolution requires a secret mission

or two to level the battlefield,

so Boris and I whipped up

a little something

that might even the odds tomorrow.

What is this?

Microscopic crabs.

Kind of tough to focus on your surfing

when you got those cute little critters

dancing in your shorts.

In 1971, I put the crabs like that

into the jockstrap of President Nixon.

I was towel boy in racquet club,

and there is famous film of Nixon

shaking the hand of Chinese premier,

and then immediately,

he scratches his balls.

Those are my crabs on his balls.

And on that note...

I'm in!

Start scratching, Tyler.

Nice skid marks, Stoop.

I want you to wear these gloves

when you spank Larry

because they are clean and simple

and good, and so is Larry.

I will!

Thank you, Mr. Boris.

Now, kiss my pinky.

Foolish girl!

He could never love you.

I will not let you

disrupt this sacred act!

I've had it with you!

Okay, you little carpet munchers,

I wish I could go with you.

That should do most

of the competition.

Right next to daddy, and what does

that little piggy sleep in?

It sleeps in daddy's bed.

I can't take this anymore, you guys.

I'm serious!

Hey, Boris, what's up with Larry?

Boychik is becoming a man right now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Are you serious? Full-on bonin'!

We go slowly.

We like to begin with erotic spanking.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, your touch feels so good,

almost otherworldly.

Almost like I've waited my

whole life for this moment.

You're my dream come true.

You're a goddess.

You're my goddess, yeah.

Spank it! Spank it! Yeah!

That's right!

We're wild animals! Yeah!

Mr. Boris,

I've been looking all over for you.

She is a pig!

Tell me who is pig.

Yeah! My brothers!

Say hello to your little friend.

Big B, you the man.

Mariana was amazing.

You were amazing, mi amor.

You set me free.

I'm a man.

But, virgin boy, it cannot be.

I have not yet begun the sacred act.

What? Well, then who was the honey

wearing the silk gloves?

Who is that that you give

the silk gloves to?

I guess you got the itches, too.

Itches?

You mean crabs.

You skank, who were

you with last night?

Something's burning my balls.

Hey, baby.

You were warned.

Oh, God.

Whoa.

Dude went large.

Hola, beautiful people.

I am Roberto Federico Maria Francesca

Ernesto Alonzo Maximo de la Sosa Minara,

and welcome

to beautiful Costa Rica

for the 2005 International High School

Surfing Championships!

I just want to say before we get started

that all of you are looking

so beautiful today

and I'm so glad that you're all here to see me

looking so cute in this outfit.

I know.

Hey, Larry.

Heard you had a wild night last night.

She pick the fleas

from your pubes, too?

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