Surf School Page #7

at my house tonight.

You girls in, huh?

A little mahi-mahi?

You know, Tyler, if I'm correct,

the only "A" you've ever gotten

in your entire academic life

was in ninth grade American literature.

So?

Like that matters here.

It means that the only reason

you got that "A"

was because you forced me to do

your term paper on James Fenimore Cooper.

- Who?

- Right.

But most of all, it means that in the past,

your greatest success was totally

dependent on me providing it for you.

See, whether you realize it or not,

that dependence is embedded

in your psyche.

What's he doing?

He's playing with his mind.

Deep down, you know

you're not worthy.

Underneath that cool surfer exterior,

you know the ego-deflating truth.

You can't compete with me.

You never could on land or at sea.

You see, Tyler, you're a complete idiot,

and it's payback time,

and payback is hell.

Please. After you.

Larry, concentrate.

Larry, don't get psyched out.

And Masters takes the first wave.

I don't like that guy.

That guy has eyebrows of Russian.

You little fat bulldog-pig.

What's he doing?

Whoa! Masters plays it

very safe on that one.

Not very beautiful at all.

I don't think that will impress

the judges too much at all,

even this one, a complete idiot.

You call that surfing, Tyler?

Maybe for dessert, we can play a little

snap the sponge cake, hmm?

Snap the sponge cake, girls?

So now it's all up to Laguna B's

Lawrence Horatio Bates,

who appears to be

meditating or something.

We're not gonna have sex, are we?

You are a man without sex.

But we will do what you want.

I want...

a rematch at Twister.

And Lawrence Horatio Bates is off.

Oh, my God!

He is amazing!

Beautiful!

Larry, concentrate.

Yeah! Ride 'em, Larry!

Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Go!

That's right.

- Awesome.

- What?

Larry shreds?

Yes! Larry shreds!

It is a miracle.

He rides this wave

like the king of the sea.

Shweet!

I'm so crazy over this. Okay.

Big wave!

The judges, who are so pretty,

have tallied the final scores,

so here we go.

I'll tell you the winner.

I'm so nervous,

I'm so nervous.

I can't do it.

And the new 2005 International

High School Surfing Champion

is none other than everybody's

favorite underdogs

Laguna B, baby!

I'm so proud of you, boychik.

I'm proud.

That's right!

Beautiful!

Nice ride.

Thanks.

Shweet!

Nice work, man.

Oh, I knew you were

the one that liked me.

I thought it was you.

Let's go steady.

So what's up, Larry?

Where are we going tonight, you know?

Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, Tazzie.

This is my shizzle.

Yeah. That's cool.

Bye.

Someone deserves a kiss!

Your brother sucks ass.

It's Taz time, baby.

Another game of Twister?

No, Lawrence.

We'll make love to you.

All day.

All night.

You will be a great man in bed, ja?

Ja.

From virgin to god.

You know, Jordan, I think this trip

has been really good for me.

I don't need my Ritalin anymore.

I feel...

I don't know...

I feel like a...

like a new man.

Ghost Babe.

I told you.

She appears before champions

and then leads them to ruin, brah.

You're lucky I warned you.

So it actually seemed like you were shagging

on the hammock 24/7

for a decade, though, right?

Yeah. That's what it seemed like.

I'll see you guys in 2015!

No!

No, little shredder!

No!

You're gonna get poltergeist cock!

I'm gonna miss that horny little devil.

You got a moment, brah?

Oh, yeah.

I'll meet you by the tent.

Okay.

I'm gonna follow that a...

your girlfriend.

I'll be over here, man.

All right, man.

Uh, listen, brah.

There's a...

there's an old saying

us... us surfers use

when somebody helps

pull you out of rough water.

It's, uh, oma kamawa imiwawa sema.

Wow. That's...

Ah woka miaaa sum kai

sema wa ya da.

Thanks. L...

Ya oh mamai smuma maia.

Oh ai ah neskwa.

Uh, what does that mean?

It means, uh, thanks, brah.

Big wave.

I got to go.

- Ghost Babe!

- Rip!

Thank you for helping me.

Oh. My pleasure, baby.

Thank you for helping them.

Boychik,

I want you to know

that you are so loved in my heart,

and you will always

be great man, always.

Thank you, Boris.

By any means necessary,

my brother.

Sayonara, sweetie.

Right back at you.

My sweet jock,

thank you for coming.

Thank you for making this happen.

Thank you all for restoring our faith

in America's youth.

You all have the spirit of

the Sixties living in you,

even if you didn't want

to blow anything up.

You stood up to the man.

You made the world a better place.

- We are so proud of you.

- Yeah.

So please, you come back

and you see us real soon,

you hear me?

You come visit us, too.

That will not be possible.

We were a little more destructive

than you kids.

Yeah.

We possibly have

a few outstanding warrants

waiting for us, stuff like that.

Big time.

Well, our lips are sealed.

Zip. Bing.

So after this, we get to shag

on the hammock 24/7, right?

Cool.

Knock yourself out, shorty.

Ghost Babe.

Come back.

Come on, people, now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right...

Come on, people, now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love

one another right now

Oh, no

Oh, ja.

And I say...

Come on, people, now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love

one another right now, baby

What the hell is going on?

Come on, people, now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love

one another right now

Mark.

I'd just macked my first curly fry

with a waffle cone,

twisted around

with a double-header,

a double-bubble, a mack cake,

and a 3-pound thunder blaster

and clinched my first world title.

Little hedgehog, mahi-mahi right here

on the beach.

How about you there,

sea urchin, mahi-mahi, hairdo?

You like fresh fish?

I form it real sweet like

with my own hands.

Hold it.

A little something-something.

You want to get it?

You want to get some?

Damn it! I'm sorry.

Marker.

That's it.

Who's my champion?

Who's my champion? Who?

You guys, it's not a porno.

You liked it, eh?

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