Surfer, Dude Page #2

Dume from both windows.

The house is early

Klaus Woo.

- Who?

- Woo.

- Oh.

- Post-post-modernist revival.

- Jack:
Oh.

- Notice the strong lines

and the perfect circles,

as if to conjure the line of

the horizon and the molecules.

The house used to belong to

a very distinguished porn star...

This place is so...

- so...

- Okay?

Gentlemen.

This place is so...

Have you ever experienced

a first-person-emersion video game?

I've dropped a few quarters

into Donkey Kong.

This place is so...

pretty.

Follow me.

We're calling it "Free Surfer."

It's in beta,

available next Christmas.

Catchy title.

Put them on your head.

I don't want to

put them on my head.

It's the future.

It's the future, bro.

Take a peek.

All right.

Welcome to the digital revolution.

Right.

Whoa.

April May.

It's going off.

Whoa, bro.

You all right?

Ahh.

I don't mean to be complaining

'cause we're not complainers,

but I was curious...

what exactly do you need

Add here for?

Ahh.

We can simulate surfing,

but we can't simulate great surfing

without great surfers.

Oh. Oh.

Now that makes sense.

Please.

- Whoo.

- Jack:
Ho ho ho ho ho.

- Man:
Nice. Nice.

- Hey,

Zarno went all out, huh?

Look at this...

that's La Rosa.

He's finishing

a sequencing session.

That's how we capture your

personal surfing style.

That's how we'll create

the Addington avatar.

He's a good surfer, man.

Hard charger.

What's happenin', bro?

Thought you'd be better looking,

have longer arms

or something.

I can't hear you, bro.

Gracias, mam.

It's my world now, mamao.

Man:

We need you in hair and makeup.

Wow.

- Dude looks upset.

- Truly.

Man:

Okay, people, let's reset the rig...

Looks cold in there, bro.

- Frigid.

- Man:
Uh, sorry,

there's no smoking in here.

Man:
Brill, shut it.

Baker, please.

Addington, continue.

Ben and Barry

wouldn't digitize me.

That's Steve Addington.

- Man:
Brillo, please...

- The surfer.

...I will come over there.

I'll tell you something else, man:

Video games,

reality TV,

Free Surfer...

I mean, what the f*** is that, man?

I'm not some ass-clown

in a green room.

- I'm a surfer, dude.

- Man:
Yes.

Hi.

- I'm Stacey.

- Brillo:
Good day.

- This is my friend Danni.

- Hello.

- Hey, how are you?

- Hey.

Stacey:

We're working for the reality show.

- East Coast?

- New York.

Do you mind if we shoot you?

No, roll away.

So you're not going

to do Free Surfer?

I hear La Rosa's getting over

$100,000 in residuals...

- What?

- $100,000?

...and exposure worth twice that.

- Yeah!

It's like getting a map

to buried treasure.

Except it's not buried.

It's dangling there

like a big fat grape.

- I love grapes.

- But who picked that grape, bro?

Seriously, migrants, you know?

Exploited farmers, man.

La Rosa's little niece probably had

to pick that grape, man,

- in Oxnard.

- Man:
Dude.

Steve:
Wow.

- Not feeling it.

- Man:
Yeah.

Not into it.

I just want to surf,

keep the stoke day to day.

Man:

Quality thinking, man.

You get all that?

Got it.

Later, East Coast.

- See ya.

- Bye.

Nice meeting you.

Blowing it.

Blowin' it.

- Add-Man.

- Farmer Bob.

Get in this house.

- From my garden, brother.

- Homegrown.

Thank you very much.

Speaking of homegrown...

"au naturale."

Under the sun...

Topanga Gold.

Bless the flowers...

- Bless the weed. Amen to that, brother.

...bless the weed.

How long we got you for?

I'm gonna chill

local-style for awhile...

the summer, at least.

Yeah.

The usual for the goats.

Keep 'em on

the farm roaming free.

You're way too generous.

They call it "courtesy"

for a reason, brother.

Wanna paddle out?

It's been a while.

I best be about

my father's business.

Cool.

Me too, brother.

Me too.

- What goes down...

...gotta come up!

April May, look at you.

- Look at you.

- Ahh.

Did you feel that wind kick up?

El Nio may be paying us

an early visit.

I heard you're gonna be one of

the surfers on the reality show.

Nn-nnh.

Nah, I'm gonna stay here,

surf and work the garden.

Just picture it, okay?

You and me,

the stars of it,

- just rulin' it.

- Mmm.

Promise me you'll think about it.

Aha ha ha.

- To the waves.

- Jesus.

She hurts me, bro.

I don't know about her, dudes.

She's the siren, bro.

I want to mark her with

my scent like a lemur.

This helps.

Steve:

I'm not some ass-clown...

...l'm a surfer, dude.

- That's excellent footage.

- Stacey:
Thanks.

It's really useful stuff.

Kind of a scoop there, isn't it?

Which one of you was behind

the camera here at the end?

- Um, you did.

- Me.

Stacey:
I was actually

interviewing and she was...

- Would you excuse us a minute?

...video games, reality TV...

- So... Danni, is that right?

- Yeah.

You're obviously educated, smart...

cultured perhaps.

I did my thesis on

vertical integration:

owning production through

distribution and retail.

Yeah, well, lesson one:

get the content.

Well, you know that already,

don't you?

So did Addy say anything else?

Anything off-camera?

No, except what he said

which was pretty much "No."

Right, well, he's playing hard to get.

He'll come around.

They all come around eventually.

Looked like you two

had a little moment.

I'm sorry?

I saw the tape,

the way he looked at you.

Are you gonna deny it?

Yeah, I deny it.

You can go now.

La Rosa:
Wave that money!

You look so beautiful. Mira.

Ay, coo, mam,

you ever taste La Rosa, baby?

It's like Sabritos, but better.

That's right!

Pa', Eddie, dla.

- Hey, ladies.

- Chocolate y Snowflake.

Announcer:

Surfers living and partying...

- Hey! Hey hey!

...under one roof,

- fighting for waves on one beach.

- Addington, Addington!

- Addington!

- 24 hours a day,

it's one sizzling summer.

It's gonna be hot.

Australia's big-wave rider,

Johnny Doran...

Johnny:

I like huge waves,

Catholic sheilas

and beets on my burger.

I love that guy.

...Lupe La Rosa:

shredder sensation

from Puerto Rico...

Hey, kids, how you doin'?

You want my autograph?

Who wants some Red Bull, huh?

Yeah!

Just business.

That's "Lupe."

...and Malibu's own legendary

soul surfer,

Steve Addington.

Who?

He's scared I outsurf him.

Hey, Steve!

- It's...

...going...

...off.

Premiering this summer,

from the mind of surf icon,

Eddie Zarno.

All:

What! Watching that.

Thought you passed on

the wave porn, bro.

I did.

Dude, we saw it

and we loved it

and, you know, I'm still not sure

why you're down on this show.

I said no, dude.

I know, bro, but, like...

he's pissed, you know?

Zarno apparently got ahold

of some video

of you passing on his project

in a way that

didn't sit too well with him.

Yeah, I said "No dice" in no

uncertain terms, and I meant it.

Why do you want to discriminate

against all those poor landlocked kids

like in Kansas who are gonna

watch you on this thing

and realize that there is something

cooler in the world

than a house made of corn?

What?

Dude, how are you

sitting for cash?

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