Surviving Christmas Page #7

I don't remember you being superior

when you got knocked up

by Skippy Altsheller

and then tricked me into marrying you.

- Oh, my God!

- I'm sorry, Missy.

Missy, darling, it's not true.

You were premature.

Oh, come on, Letitia!

Tell your mother thanks, Drew.

And Merry Christmas.

Missy, we'll wait for you in the car.

You know, really.

Yuletide's a b*tch, ain't it?

Oh, shut up!

Just shut up!

Okay! Fiji.

Let's go to Fiji right now.

You're right, Drew.

Just screw family.

All we need is each other.

Just take me away.

I'm sorry, Missy. I can't.

Just go home, okay?

I'm sorry about all this.

I'll spend Christmas alone.

Oh, fine.

Okay.

Well, then...

...the only thing

I have left to say to you

is I am keeping this bracelet.

I feel bad drinking liquor

you're gonna need.

I better go.

- Merry Christmas.

- All right.

Missy, get in the car!

My God!

Have you lost your mind?

Did you just lose it in there?

You know, I have to ask,

just how bad is your real family

that you would rather

spend your Christmas like this?

There was no real family.

What do you mean,

"there is no family"?

You must've had a family.

I mean, you must've had

a Doo-Dah, right?

I had a friend whose grandfather,

was called Doo-Dah.

I always liked that.

My dad walked out on us on Christmas

when I was four.

It was basically

just me and my mom.

She was a waitress

at the 24-hour coffee shop.

She didn't have a lot of money,

so when Christmas came around,

it was an opportunity for her

to take a double shift. She did.

And, you know,

my Christmases were,

basically, I just kind of

sat around the house, you know?

Then at night,

I'd walk down there,

and Mom would always buy me

a grown-up stack of pancakes,

and I would sit by myself

at the end of the counter

and eat 'em.

I did that for Christmas every year

until I turned 18.

I haven't been able to walk

in a coffee shop since, though.

Where's your mom now?

Mom died when I was in college.

I'm sorry.

You know what?

There's nothing that you can do

about those Christmases.

But the one that you

can do something about,

the one that's here and now, you just

spent that destroying my family.

Alicia, just for the record,

I didn't destroy your family.

What are you talking about?

Your parents are splitting up.

It's obvious.

Brian knows it.

That's why he spends all his time

in his room on his computer.

You just didn't wanna see it.

I can understand that.

I'm gonna go get my dad.

Lock up when you leave.

Well, all right.

I forgive you.

No! No, Spirit! No!

I will honor Christmas in my heart

and try to keep it all the year.

No one's home!

What?

I hear you.

- Are you gonna hit me?

- No.

Are you gonna do something else

that still hurts?

No. You gonna invite me in?

You just stopped by

to hang out and catch up?

- Reminisce?

- You owe me money.

Right. The money.

Okay, come on in.

I'll get my checkbook.

You rented my place

when you could've been staying here?

Well, I gotta admit, this is nice.

Thanks.

You still splitting up with Christine?

Yeah. I guess.

That would be a shame.

What are you laughing at?

Nothing. It's just ironic.

I paid all that money

to be part of your family.

You're giving it away for nothing.

Look at this.

That's the ticket to Doo-Dah's play.

Yeah. I got mine too.

I'm not very good at apologizing.

I don't know if they're in there.

Come on.

What do you have to lose?

What do you want with me?

Much.

Who are you?

In life, I was your partner...

See anybody?

That's Doo-Dah right there.

What is the reason

for this visit?

It is getting late

and I've been hard at work.

He's not that bad.

To warn you, Ebenezer.

He's not that good either.

I'm gonna find Christine.

Learn from me.

My spirit never walked

beyond our counting house.

It never roved beyond

our money-changing hole.

So I am condemned

to wander through the world

to see what I might have

shared on Earth,

then turned to happiness.

What are you doing here?

You were always

a good businessman.

Doo-Dah's family, right?

Brian. It's me, move over.

No, man. Go find one

of the other empty seats.

Move over, Bri. Come on.

- Where's your sister?

- Shh.

- Dear Brother!

- Fanny!

Christine...

If I were to leave,

I wouldn't even know where to go.

Then why leave?

That's what I'm sayin'.

I don't wanna leave.

Then don't.

- All right, I won't.

- Okay.

- Is that all right?

- Yeah.

It's good.

Bri, that girl...

She's kinda cute for you.

- Talk to her.

- Stop it.

- She's gonna hear.

- I saw you looking at her.

- Stop.

- I can tell you like...

I can hear you.

That's embarrassing.

That's our grandfather.

This is Brian.

There, Brian.

You're all set.

I'm sorry.

Is that your brother?

Yeah.

How do we travel exactly?

Through the air. We fly!

Not so hard!

Wedgie! Wedgie!

Alicia?

- Hey.

- Hey.

Were you in there

the whole time?

No. I was just here

to pick up my mom.

She's in there with your dad.

They're kinda making out

in the third row.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- That's good.

- Look.

I don't expect you to want

to talk to me or anything,

so I'm not gonna bother you

and give you a hard time,

camp outside your place

and stalk you and you know.

But I do want to say that I'm sorry

for what I put you through

and say thank you.

So who are you renting

for New Year's

'cause you know, us Valcos,

we book up kind of fast.

I see that.

And I'd get on it if I were you.

I'm lookin' for a family

with maybe a bearded,

irascible dad

with a heart of gold.

A brother who stays in his room

all the time by himself,

and a sister who is...

...wonderful and smart,

and really beautiful.

Because I think that's

the kind of person that...

...I could fall in love with.

You know anybody like that?

I know it's tough.

Let me think.

Not offhand,

but I'll get back to you.

Let me know.

- I hear you, dear.

- Daddy, stop the car!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

He's kissing his sister.

- That is open-mouth.

- 'Tis the season to be jolly.

- Get us out of here!

- They're tryin' to keep warm.

Come on!

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